Diaries

Chapter 19

To be honest with myself, I was happy Mother was home. Even though she wasn't there to protect me, at least I no longer had to deal with Swifty alone. Home, surely felt and sounded like home again. The fights between Mother and Swifty were loud, the sounds of plates shattering and the physical rumbles between them both were my lullabies.

They didn't notice that I never came home until nightfall. They didn't even notice that my eighteenth birthday was approaching. I imagined this day, I'd be spending it with Leo. The one and only friend I had, the boy I thought I'd grow up to marry but who no longer wanted anything to do with me because of Swifty.

I wondered what he was doing. I wondered if he was okay. Part of me wanted to go to his apartment and knock on the door, but another part of me feared getting him into more trouble than he could have ever gotten into the day his Mom caught me there just for going back. His mother seemed like a nice lady, I wondered if she knew what he was doing...

He was so different when I met him than he is now. I laid on my back on my bed, trying to remember. I remembered his smile, and his kindness. I remembered how he made me feel like I belonged. I remembered our first one on one basketball game at the courts. I remembered our first time... how we had no idea what we were doing, but it was like our souls did. It was how I concluded that he was in fact, my soul mate.

I wanted to help him. I wanted to stop him from the destruction that fell upon his life from those pills. A tinge of guilt would jolt me at the thought, because even though I knew the destruction they caused, I still craved it, too... lucky for me, I had no access to them. I didn't know anyone who had them but Leo, and his friends of course, but then they'd tell him I asked them for it, and I had already realized how protective he could be over me.

I looked at the time.

6:30PM.

More than half of the day was already gone. I finally got up from my bed for the first time all day, getting dressed in the clothes Tom had bought for me for my birthday. I wanted to at least pretend it was a special day. I looked too good to be true, a simple change of clothes made me feel like Cher from Clueless. I rolled my socks up over my knees, finishing with my platform loafers.

I walked out, seeing Swifty and my mother sitting on opposite ends of the room. They didn't budge, they didn't even look up at me. I sighed, heading for the door.

"I'm going out." I stopped, turning around.

"Oh yeah, it's your birthday today, isn't it?" Mother asked.

My eyes brightened as I looked at her, "yeah..."

"Happy birthday." She mumbled dryly.

"Thanks..."

Swifty remained silent. I didn't want to hear him anyway.

I made my way down the stairs and out to the world. It was golden hour, and the breeze swept my face. I hurried over to Leo's neighborhood, putting on my walkman. The casette inside landed right on the middle of Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears.

All of the weirdos and creeps were crawling out, I paid them no mind and hurried on my way. I had been through enough to know I wouldn't take anyone's shit without a fight, and to my surprise, they felt this new found energy from me.

I stopped in front of Leo's stoop, spotting him, Mickey, and Pedro... for once, Neutron wasn't part of the pack. From what I had heard, he was the only one still playing ball. Leo was slumped where he sat, barely noticing I was there, or anything at all.

"Damn..." Mickey sat up slowly, looking just as bad, "you looking for Leo, or for a good time? I can point'cha to both."

I looked at him in disgust.