Diaries

Chapter 20

I knew I was crazy to ride the Subway alone. I barely remembered where I was going, but the address printed sticky note was still in my pocket. Right at the nick of sunset, I stood before the luxury apartments in which Mother once lived. More than anything, I knew I was crazy for visiting Tom.

I hurried inside, greeting the guard with a nod and making my way up the elevator. This time, I slightly belonged. My hair was combed, and I had changed my clothes. With each flight, residents entered and exited. Finally, making it up to the twentieth floor, so did I.

I looked around as I made my way down the hallway. Everything reminded me of Leo. From the first time we had seen the building, to our first time up to the top floor and how jealous I was that he had been looking at those twins. I stopped in front of door 208, closing my eyes, inhaling courage, and exhaling anxieties.

I knocked gently, trying to quickly resite a script in my mind of the perfect explanation of why I was there.

The door opened in what looked like excitement gone disappointed. He had smooth jazz music playing, and what I could see behind him were drinks on the table.

"Jessica? What on God's Earth are you doing here? Is your mother with you?!" He asked.

"Uh.. no, am I interrupting something?" I asked.

"No, no... uh... come on in." He stepped out of the way, allowing me inside. I went and took a seat on the sofa, noticing a box of chocolates on the counter top, turning around, "it's really okay if you've got something going on, I can come back next time."

"Well, I had a date but I think she's backing out... something about rich guys thinking they can buy a woman's love." He shook his head, "I told her fine, come over and we'll have a date that doesn't cost too much and she wasn't impressed. I dunno."

He grabbed the bottle of wine and glasses and took them to the kitchen, "what brings you here? How did you get here? Did your mother send you?"

"She didn't send me..." I wiped my nose as it began to run from the substance Leo supplied me. I made every attempt to act normal in front of him, I could only hope I was doing a good job of playing sober.

He sat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen across from the living room.

"It's just... I've been having the worst night, and you're the only person I know who would probably... be happy to see me." I shrugged, "I might just be being crazy and maybe you were only nice to me to impress my mother--"

"Stop it, silly girl." He crossed his arms, "I was nice to you because I wanted to be. You came in here, and you didn't know anything. I took one look at you, and thought, this poor child... and I then looked to your Mother... and I just couldn't quite grip how one could live with themseleves, to treat their own daughter in such a way. Not to mention I had already watched her play pretend... day in, and day out, to get whatever she wanted out of me... she is a cruel, woman, and I do wish you the best."

"Thanks..." I looked down at my lap, "I just wanted to know if... if you have any contact information for the agent you know?" I forced my eyes to stay open as I fought the urge to slump off in a daze.

"I do... as a matter of fact its in my phone book. Just give me a second." He went to the back.

It felt nice to be alone someplace I knew I couldn't be hurt. Where there would be no yelling, no screaming, no hitting... Leo's voice replayed in my head again and again with the words he'd said earlier.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to keep them open before finally getting up and following Tom to the back. I walked down the silent hallway, kicking off my shoes as they echoed. I pushed through his door, seeing his bedroom for the first time.