Diaries

Chapter 2

No matter what I did to escape the sound of shouting, it wouldn't go away. I grabbed my walkman, searching for my cassette of The Posies. My entire body jumped as I heard the shatter of glass. My hands began to shake uncontrollably, dropping the walkman onto the bed. I sat there hesitantly, unsure of what move to make. If I left the room I'd be involved, and if I didn't, I'd be trapped. I knew whatever I did, I'd be next, somehow, someway.

I used to try to come between them, my mom and dad. Usually in suit of protecting my mother...but I no longer felt strong enough. My eyes darted all around the room, from the shelf of dolls, to shoe box I'd been hiding a rolled joint inside of. Finally, I stood to my feet. It was as if heavy weights were planted on top of them and I couldn't walk at all, as each step began to feel heavier and heavier.

I grabbed my coat which was bigger than myself, old and tattered, and slowly slipped into it. I stared back at my reflection in the mirror attached to the backside of the door. My hair was tousled, my lips were dry, and the bags under my eyes made me look tired...and I was...I was tired, tired of the yelling, tired of the beat up apartment I called a home. Often I dreamed of running away, yet more often, I dreamed of dying.

I bent down and removed the lid from the shoe box, quickly. Taking the joint from under my shoes and sticking it into my pocket carefully. I turned around and snatched my walkman from the bed, along with my cassette tapes and headphones. I shoved that too, into my pockets. I held onto it, making sure it wouldn't slip out, pushing my hair back as I left the bedroom.

I walked through the hallway, the muffled sound of shouting now coming clear into sound. I kept my head down as I walked between them and their raging roars. They didn't even notice, they never did.

"WELL IF YOU HATE THE LIFE YOU'VE MADE FOR YOURSELF THEN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT, FILE FOR DIVORCE!" My mother screamed, her hair just as tousled as mine if not worse. The purple hues under her eyes growing darker, and darker.

"YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME, YOU CAN'T-

"SAYS WHO?! I DON'T NEED YOU, I NEVER HAVE!"

I slammed the door behind me, though even that wasn't enough for them to notice...as I still could hear the fight go on, and on, and on... I walked down the darkened streets of New York, not even the still air could give me a piece of mind. The night was never silent. Car horns honking and police sirens went off in every direction of the distance.

I stared straight ahead, ignoring the druggies who hit on me day in and day out. I dug into my pockets, preparing quarters for the homeless, who begged me for change the same. I tossed a couple into the cup, looking into the eyes of an old vet who lost everything he once had. Tired, and old...hair gray-black, with dirt between the wrinkles his age had given to him.

I entered the gates of the darkened park, pulling out the joint and digging into my other pocket for a lighter. I sparked it, taking the first hit before I could even get the lighter back into my pocket. The smoke clogging my nose and flowing slowly before my eyes took everything away. I took a seat on top of the bench, looking down at the empty basketball court and all of it's puddles from the previous rain. Each glistened, reflecting the moon into a beautiful vision in front of me.

I took another hit, holding the smoke in and filling my lungs. I began to choke, that was the best part. I held the joint aside momentarily, struggling to catch my breath as it finally made it's way out.

"What are you doing here?"

I turned around quickly, hiding the joint between my legs which were propped against the wooden seats of the bench. It was Leo, with a basketball in hand, messy hair and his jacket hanging off his shoulder.