His Angel

6: Clueless

Shades Rossi's pov

"Sit down please"
"no Shades I don't want to"
"Elli -"
"Shades can you just tell me what you want to talk about?"

Stubborn girl.

I take a deep breath and tell her.

"Very well then. From now on, you will have four bodyguards following you wherever you go regardless of the situation. And-"

"WHAT?" she said, freezed in her spot.

"Let me finish first-"
"Are you crazy? That's not going to happen, you know? I'm not going to -"
"Enough!" I shouted and slammed my hands on my desk.

Why cant she understand that she have to stay safe?

"The work I do is dangerous and unethical. Lately a problem has arisen that may put you in danger, until I solve it you will have to have as much security as I can offer you."
I looked into her blue-green eyes. She seems a little... scared? " Do you have any questions?" I asked her while sitting back in my chair.
In response she just shook her head.

How annoying.

"Try again" I told her with a cold voise.
Then she seemed to wake up from her dream and looked at me with a look of discust.
"No sir" I leaned back in the chair.
"I'm your brother, not your master"
"Really?  Why don't you act like it then ?" she tells me before closing the office door.

Elli Rossi's pov

I walked out of his office with a burning feeling in my chest.

  It brought back memories that no matter how hard I try to forget they seem to have a will of their own.

Flashback

" You did not come."
"I was busy. "
" But you promised... I trusted you." my voise tremble as i spoke

"My sweet girl. Trust is for children. You my dear, are a soldier. And i expect you to act like it" his eyes blazed with pure anger.

Tears were threatening my eyes but i forced them away.
Im not allowed to cry , he said
Im a soldier, and soldiers don't cry he said.

I don't want to be here. This is just not my place.

As the years pass by my smile faded. He made  me training every day and night just to make sure ' i was better than everyone ' . He just wanted to make me the perfect soldier.

I didn't need to be a soldier. I needed to be safe and loved. I needed him.

But he was never there.

End of flashback

At ones , the thought of him dead used to bring a smile on my face.

But now

The thought terrifies me.
Cause that means no escape. If i die  he will find me and tell me everything little emotion i let it overflow from my well-sealed mask,  every stumble ,  every useless tear I dared to let escape my control,  every forbidden emotion I felt for those I love and every breath I wasted laughing.

I have begun to understand that over time I am becoming empty, Im not even able to dream in my sleep.

I don't even have the energy to open my eyes every morning, I can't stop this germ that is spreading and eating me alive.

How am I supposed to love someone without destroying them?

I want love too, I want a big brother to admire but how can I let myself go when the brother I grew up with and loved is six meters under the ground?

  I feel that if I leave myself free to love is as if I erase his existence.

I got up from my bed to get my headphones.  I don't want to sit in my thoughts anymore.

Their  dangerous. 

I would like to read a book now but before I went to the foster care, they wouldn't let me take anything from my house because they said it's a crime scene. 

I lay on my bed again, got under the blankets, snuggled up and played cigarettes after sex.

They always help me relax and their songs are perfect.

After about twenty minutes I started to feel sleepy.
I don't even know what time it is but I don't care, I lost my appetite anyway. 

Before falling asleep I heard the door to my room open and footsteps approaching the bed.  The person who came in pulled the blanket up to my shoulders and turned off the light as he  was leaving.

His touch was soft.

I liked it.

__________

Hi my sweet angels!

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