His Angel

11: FORGET

One thing I could never stand, is pity.
I never liked when they looked at me like that either because I lost a game, a match, or because they feel sorry for my pain, failure, psychological destruction. It always annoyed me when I couldn't help but let them see me. The real me. The little girl trying not to drown in a sea full of sharks.

I had to be the one watching out for them all.

I had to be as close to perfection as possible.

I spent years building the piercing shields that keep them all away and protect the secret they all want to know so desperately.
Rome was destroyed in a day, burying the labor of years in its ruins.
My soul was destroyed in the same way, and the worst part is, I don't think I can put it back together again. I lost pieces of my soul that not even god can find. I'm just a lifeless body wandering aimlessly in a foreign mansion.

I feel dead, plain, simple, empty.

And I think I'm starting, as bad as it sounds to feel... beautiful with all this darkness that I've become so familiar with, because maybe it reminds me that I'm not alive, but I exist.
reminds me of the real face of reality.

Evil and unfair. Selfish and unforgiving.

I've been sitting here with the boys for half an hour doing nothing.
They told me to sit down and get to know each other, but none of them have spoken to me. I sit on the edge of the couch as far away from them as possible.
I want nothing to do with them. They talk at each other as if I'm not here.

Because I don't want to look like an ugly little girl sitting in the corner waiting to be spoken to, I put on my headphones and watch Netflix.
But because I have very big trust issues, I wear them just so they think I can't listen to them. I want to see if they will talk about me. If they will comment on me, if they will judge me, if they will call me a bitch, if they will -

"What are you watching?" Leo asked me.

I pretended not to hear him and continued watching the movie on my cell phone.

Unfortunately, he took out one of my earphones and put it on his own ear. He came and sat closer to me so he could see better.
I turned to look at him after first stopping watching Hunger games.
"Excuse me, but this is mine" I told him as I reached out to take it back.
"Yes, I know, I got it from you" he said with a smile.

Of course god is testing my patience because the pig sitting next to me moved before I could get back what is mine.

I really don't feel like dealing with these people - or people in general right now.

"Listen some ass-"
"Wow is that how you describe your cousins?" Alex said in a playful voice.
"Only you're not quite my cousins. You're Shades' cousins, not mine" I told them in a cold voice that from their reactions, I knew I hit a nerve.

"B-but that doesn't mean anything. Blood doesn't make family," Leo said with a slightly shaky voice.

"Of course blood doesn't make family but to be considered family you have to earn the right." I said and after grabbing my headset I got up and left the living room.

I've been sitting in my room for hours waiting for my cousins ​​to leave so I can finally breathe.

I feel as if there is an invisible rope wrapped around my neck that is being pulled with every breath I take.

I feel that my body can no longer withstand the pressure that overwhelms it that with every step I take it is ready to explode.

I feel as if the weight and the newness of the air are pressing me closer and closer to the mattress of my bed as if it doesn't want me to leave or as if it wants to help me end the torture I have to face every day for the rest of the years i will breathe .

My mind on the other hand has this terrifying yet strangely pleasurable ability to erase my memories, creating a void that seems to be spreading to the rest of my body leaving it in a numb state.

I don't want to feel much, in fact I don't want to feel anything for a while.
I just want a break and then I will continue to destroy myself. I remember when this "journey" first began. A person once told me that everything will be fine but I didn't believe it. And it seems I was right.

_____________

SHADES ROSSI

"Don't be too hard on her. She's been through a lot." he said as he grabbed my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.
"I know Kai, I know" I replied nonchalantly.
"When are you going to tell her?" Axel asked me.
"Not yet, she's not ready" I said as I ran my hand through my hair.
"From what I understand, she's not going to like it, at all. I wouldn't be surprised if she runs out of the house that night," Kai said again.

Of course I have thought about it and this thought make's me sick.

"I don't have time for your bullshit. I have work to do and I'm getting late." I said as they started heading towards the living room.

"Where's Ellie?" I said in a cold voice that didn't betray that I didn't like not seeing her here.

Of course I wasn't worried, I just wasted a lot of money on her and I don't want it to go wrong if she decides to run away and find herself dead in some alley.

"Why are you angry now? Calm down, we didn't eat her, she went upstairs after first making sure she caused us new insecurities" said Mori.
"I don't care" I said as I started walking with quick steps towards her room. As soon as I got outside her door I didn't even knock , i just burst in.

She was lying on her bed hugging this teddy bear that she carries everywhere with her. She was lying like a starfish as always and with headphones in her ears.
She sleeps with his headphones on all the time. I hane told her repeatedly not to. I will have to punish her for this.

I walked over to her, took the headphones out of her ears and put them in my pocket, covered her and turned off the lights on the bedside table next to her bed. I turned to leave but was stopped by a small voice.

"Can you give me the headphones?" she said sweetly and sleepily.
"Sleep Ellie. You'll get them in the morning" I said while I was only a few steps from the door.
"They cause away nightmares." she said as if she was about to cry.
I stopped so suddenly, as if I had been electrocuted. I turned to look at her one more time but she was already asleep.

____________

Hello 👋

Hope you are doing good 😘

I have done a lott spelling mistakes and i apologize but i wrote this chapter in a rash 😅

When i find the time i promise i will fix them

Don't forget to vote!

Till next time love, arthour:)