Secret Triangle | An ONF Fanfiction

Yuto

I spent a very pleasant morning in Jaeyoung's company. I was totally expecting things to be sort of awkward after such a confession and a big change in our relationship status, but fortunately, it was the other way around. We talked all morning about many various topics, I told him how I was willing to try cooking new meals, and even though he's never been too interested in cooking, he made sure to carefully listen to me and even give me some new ideas. Then, he talked about some books he had been reading. He often borrowed them from the library he worked at, and he told me about this great book he read about a fascinating detective story with a shocking twist at the end.
It was such a nice, simple conversation that flowed perfectly. Despite its topics being nothing special, it still made me feel loved and glad I have someone I can count on. I didn't even notice the time passing, and when I looked at the clock it was almost time for Seungjun to return from work and finally eat lunch. I felt as if I somehow missed him, even though we hadn't seen each other for just a few hours. I guess I was just very ecstatic to pass more time with him as my boyfriend than just as a friend.

As we heard the front door open, we were ready to greet Seungjun with two bright smiles, happy to see him again. But our smiles vanished the moment we noticed he wasn't wearing one. He was frowning, which was an expression we rarely ever saw him have. We immediately got up from our seats and walked toward him, looking at him with great concern. When Seungjun is sad, you know it's something serious. He's always the life of the party, he's like a hyperactive puppy who is always running from one place to the other, always so full of vitality.
Before we could even speak, he hugged us both tightly. We hugged him back, and when he let go, still leaving a hand on each of our shoulders, he lightly smiled before putting on a serious expression and finally enunciating what was bugging him. "We have to get out of here. We have to reach New World as soon as possible. We're in danger." He hugged us again, and we hugged him back again as well. At first we were indeed confused, but we knew he would rationally explain the reason he just said those words for. And after a few seconds, he illuminated us. And it was at that point I truly realized what we had gotten ourselves into.

"Guys... This dawned on me while I was at work, and I hate that all of this is already having consequences, but we need to do something about it if we want to live a peaceful life." He grabbed one of our hands with each of his before continuing, gently intertwining his thin fingers with ours. "We're in danger. If an enemy from the government founds out about our relationship, we're as good as dead. We know what Genesis' stance on same-gender relationships is. And we're already on the blacklist. If they discover we like not one person of the same gender, but two... I feel like there will be consequences... If only my parents were here, they would know what to do..." Tears started running down Seungjun's cheeks, and to hide his face he hugged us yet again, this time even tighter.

It wasn't a shocking revelation. We all knew about Genesis' stance on queer people. But at that moment I felt my lungs being tied by a thick invisible rope. The serotonin boost I was still experiencing from my new relationship status was soon replaced with anxiety about the future. That happiness made me completely forget the world we live in, it isolated me from it. I was thinking about my boyfriends and nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. But when Seungjun opened my eyes, suddenly it all came crashing down on me.

We were in grave danger. And I did not want to live like that. Seungjun was absolutely right, if we wanted to have a stable and happy relationship we had to leave Dry Ice first.

A thousand possible outcomes started picturing themselves in my head. Could we really stay like that? Should we put a pause on our relationship and continue once we're in New World? And most importantly, would we have ever been able to reach it? Was it possible for us to be truly free?

Something changed in me as I heard Seungjun's words. I felt like maybe distancing myself from the boys a bit could have been a good idea, at least for the time we would have still passed on Dry Ice. I didn't want to, especially since our relationship was brand new and there were many things I wanted to try, many moments I was looking forward to spending with my boyfriends, and at that moment I felt as if I couldn't do anything anymore. I felt trapped. I didn't want to feel like that ever again. Repressing my feelings had started to consume me from the inside, and when I finally tasted freedom, the last thing I wanted was to trap my soul in a cage again. But if it was necessary for us to be safe, I would have done it. Our safety was the priority.

But I didn't want to discuss the idea of a possible pause with Seungjun and Jaeyoung. It was more than clear they wouldn't want to put a pause on our relationship. They were determined to continue and stay strong no matter what.

I really hoped there would be no secrets and no misunderstandings between us in that new chapter of our lives. But my brain decided it was time to keep everything to myself yet again. And I hated myself for that. But hopefully one day it would all be better. For the time being, I decided not to let my feelings get deeper. I feel like I'm the kind of person who can get very touch-starved if my feelings grow stronger. And I wanted to avoid showing that, especially in public, where we could very easily be spied on by the government.

But what I didn't know at the time was the fact that distancing myself from the boys could have also put us in danger, one way or the other.