BRANDON POV
i was sitting near the lake trying to make excuses even when i knew no excuse could save me from this situation. i was in love with chase. i really was. there was no point in denying it. i was only lying to myself. i had to tell him everything. but not now. i would hide for as long as i could. i would tell him as soon as i saw him. i knew he already found out about everything. i knew he would have a lot of questions. so i tried to prepare myself.
after a while he showed up. i knew he would. nothing could stop him from killing me right now. punching me. maybe even drowning me in the lake. but no, he approached me really calmly and sat down next to me.
"well?" he said without even looking at me "do you have any explanations?"
"no"
"anything you want to tell me that could stop me from beating you to death right now?" he was oddly calm. i didn't know why.
"no"
"you're only going to say no?"
"maybe"
"dude, you fucked some dude at a party, you were drunk, and you fucking called them my name, AND YOURE TELLING ME YOU HAVE NOTHING YOU TELL ME?" he was already yelling. i didn't blame him. he took a deep breath. he was fully shaking. i sat there like an idiot not knowing what to do. "SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT" his voice was shaking.
"what do you want me to say?" i asked.
"ANYTHING. ANYTHING BUT THE FACT THAT YOU WERE DRUNK AND IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. CAUSE I KNOW IT WASNT AN ACCIDENT. YOU DONT RUIN PEOPLES LIVES BY AN ACCIDENT."
"this isn't only about the party is it?" i knew he needed answers from me, a lots of them, but i was feeling bad i could barely speak.
"OF COURSE THIS ISNT ONLY ABOUT THE PARTY. ITS ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE EVER DONE TO ME!!!" he was furios. i felt like he would kill me, i deserved it to be honest. i really did. he started crying. the tears started falling out of his eyes. i was crying too but i tried to hide it.
"chase, im sorry, i have nothing that i can use as an excuse." i sighed. "yeah. i called him chase. i thought he was you."
"AND WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT WAS ME???"
"CAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU CHASE. I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING"
"what the fuck brandon-"
"YEAH CHASE. AND WHY DO YOU THINK I STOPPED BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU?? I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVED YOU. I WAS A KID AND I COULDN'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I LIKED YOU CHASE. THATS WHY I BECAME A PLAYER. I THOUGHT IF I FUCKED PEOPLE THEN I WOULD GET OVER YOU!!!" shit i was talking too much but i couldn't stop now. chase looked confused as fuck. he didn't know what to do or what to say. he just stood there trying to understand what i was saying. "IT WORKED FOR A WHILE. BUT THEN I REALIZED I STILL LOVED YOU. THEN I THOUGHT IF I PICKED ON YOU I WOULD START TO SLOWLY HATE YOU BUT THE SECOND YOU WALKED INTO THE RESTAURANT WITH JADEN I WAS JEALOUS. I WAS ANGRY FOR NOTHING THEN I THOUGHT I COULD CRASH YOUR DATE BUT IT DID NOT WORK."
"YOU ALMOST KILLED ME BECAUSE YOU WERE JEALOUS???" he was burning up "COME ON BRANDON EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE A PLAYER. EVEN IF I LOVE YOU BACK I WONT BE WITH YOU. BECAUSE YOU DONT LOOK AT ANYONE SERIOUSLY. YOU ONLY PLAY WITH THEM FOR A WHILE AND GET BORED AFTER. I AM NOT A TOY YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOU ASSHOLE!!!"
"NO CHASE I LOVE YOU. I REALLY DO!!! I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU AND YOU KNOW IT!!"
"HOW DO I KNOW BRANDON? HOW?? YOU TRIED BEING MY FRIEND AGAIN AND I FORGAVE YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NOT DO SOMETHING SHITTY AGAIN BUT YOU DID!! NOW THE WHOLE SCHOOL HATES ME!! ITS YOUR FAULT!!! EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!!"
"NO CHASE I BECAME FRIENDS WITH YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT MY FEELINGS WOULD DISAPPEAR BUT THEY DID NOT!!! I WOULD NEVER USE YOU!!! AND WHEN I SAID I WAS SORRY I ACTUALLY MEANT IT!!"
"whatever. dont talk to me. ever." and started leaving
"wait dont leave! im begging you please stay! i need you chase, i really do!"
"if you really needed me you would fuck somebody else. you dont care about anyones feelings brandon! you only care about yourself! if you cared about peoples feelings you wouldn't be a fucking player!"
"im sorry chase. please dont leave! you have no idea how much i need you! and how much i fucking love you!"
"you dont love anyone brandon." he left
"chase! please no"
SHIT! WHY AM I LIKE THIS???I HATE MYFELF FUCKING HELL!!!! i am going to disappear until people forget about my existence. tears were streaming down my cheeks and i felt so empty. it was all my fault. chase was right, someone who really loves a guy wont have sex with somebody else. i wish i had a time machine. i would spend all the years with chase! i would not act like a coward! i would be by his side! if i wasn't a pussy and didn't run away i would be happy right now! this would hot happen! shit im so stupid!
"I AM AN IDIOT" i yelled and jumped into the water. i decided i would stay here as long as i could.
after a few hours i went back to my tent. chase was sitting there. he was crying. i didn't say anything. what was i supposed to say? he hated me. but something made me talk.
"im sorry chase. i am a horrible person" i said
"yeah you are. i am glad you finally got to know" he rolled his eyes and laid down on his side.
i couldn't sleep. it felt great knowing that we were leaving the next day. i decided i would lock myself out from the real world. i didn't deserve to be around people.
