FO4 | Book 0: The Diaries of Anarchy ✔️

June 27, 2282

I was disappointed the drug didn't kill me. What a way to die that woulda been. Instead, I spent the last two weeks in agony.

My hair started falling out first — even my unshaven beard and mustache quickly disappeared. I always felt sick. I couldn't keep any food down. I could barely drink any water. Most people that saw me puking my guts up just walked by with their usual "John's drunk again" looks. If they only knew how sick I really was, they'd shoot me and put me outta my misery. Hell, I was tempted to beg for it a few times.

I couldn't take Rad-X or Radaway. It burned my whole mouth every time I tried. My skin started peeling. It started gradually as flakes. Then, layers started fallin' off in different spots, leavin' huge gashes in my arms. I became so disgusted with myself, I hid in the most secluded alley in Goodneighbor by a dumpster.

I hadn't seen that Abigail girl in a long time. I wondered if she had left. Actually, I hoped that she had left. I couldn't even count my friends on one hand; looking the way I did, I was going to keep it that way.

After a few days, I realized that I was going through the painful transformation of becoming a ghoul. The skin over my nose started to deteriorate along with the cartilage. The cartilage in my ears began to soften as well. The sores on my skin didn't even scab over. They healed quickly and covered themselves in scar tissue. My whole body felt like it was on fire. The sores were so bad, I couldn't wear clothes. I sat naked for days behind the dumpster in the alley and cried myself to sleep most nights.

I felt lower than low. I thought about taking my blade to my own throat before remindin' myself that I had sold it for drugs, along with most of my other possessions. I just hoped that it would be over soon. For all I knew, I was just too cowardly to do it myself. Maybe this is what I deserved. All I knew was, the ghoulification felt like it was taking ages to be over with.

It was a rainy day today, but the rain provided little comfort to my burning skin. I was startin' to get used to it, though. In fact, it felt like it had subsided enough today to put on clothes. My nose was pretty much gone, and my eyes felt weird and itchy. I rubbed my bald head and sighed heavily. Maybe the worst of it was over. I took a chance at standin' up and puttin' my pants and shirt back on. I didn't feel any sores on my body, so that was a good sign.

I looked down at the puddle at my bare feet. My face was... freakish. My eyes were completely black. All my hair was gone. My nose became a triangular hole in my face. I groaned.

But it was then that I realized all my addictions were cured. I didn't have a craving for beer, Med-X, Jet, Mentats, anything. I wasn't even hungry or thirsty anymore.

I was immune to all natural causes of death.

I made my way out of the alley and walked through the rain. One of Vic's boys walked by me, and I flinched.

"Relax, scavver," he said with annoyance.

Scavver? He didn't recognize me.

I stopped by Daisy's shop first and foremost to see if she would do me a solid and lend me a pair of boots.

"Welcome," said Daisy. "Always nice to see a new face around here. Can I get you anything?"

"Maybe some boots," I said. My voice was gravelly, raspy.

"We've got a few clothes for sale here."

I shook my head. "I'm short on caps, as usual. Do you think you'd be able to —"

"We don't do handouts here. Maybe you can find something they'd be willing to give you in the lost-and-found in Diamond City." She crossed her arms curtly.

"I wouldn't wanna cause my favorite girl any trouble," I said with a grin, wonderin' if she'd catch on.

"I barely know you, and I suggest you leave."

"Daisy. It's me."

She blinked. "John?"

I put my hands in my pockets and leaned over the counter. "Yep."

"Oh, my God. I thought you were... dead. You didn't show up for weeks. You're... a ghoul."

"Seems so. Wasn't aimin' for ghoulification, but it happened."

"Oh, John, I'm so sorry." She started to tear up.

I reached a hand out, and she placed hers in mine. "Hey, hey, no need for tears. I'm still me. Unfortunately."

"John, there was never anything wrong with you."

I patted her hand. "Thanks, Daisy. Goodneighbor doesn't deserve you."

"Well, let me get those shoes for you. Don't worry about paying me back."

"You're a doll."

"What are you going to do now?" she asked, searching behind the counter.

"I dunno. I look different, but nothin's changed. Goodneighbor's still a shithole, and I got nowhere to go and no money. If only I had somethin' that'd tie me down, make me feel like I should keep tryin' in this fucked up life."

"Find yourself a good woman, John."

"Heh. That might have been easier when I wasn't a ghoul."

She frowned. "Well, I can't say I don't understand that. In any case, please take better care of yourself.

"No promises."