FALL FOR YOU

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

I don't waste another second before I wrap my arms around him and begin crying into his chest. He's immediately taken back, stood frozen with his hands by his side. Although I was too distracted to notice. I embrace his waist tight, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest, not wanting to let go. He was warm, something i never thought he would be. He just seems like such a cold person, it never crossed my mind what it would feel like to be this close to him. I don't think I've ever even hugged him before. Not like this anyway.

My throat burned from my rapid breaths running all the way here. And my heart was shattered to pieces. I've never experienced this before. Is this what it feels like to be heartbroken? And who knew my first heartbreak would be because of my own mother?

Its not even the loss of my own mom that hurts, because she was never there anyway. I don't even think I've heard the words "I love you" come out of her mouth. Even as a baby, she resented
me. I'm pretty sure I was a mistake, and that's probably why she rejected me so much. What hurts most is the feeling of now being a complete outcast. To my mother at least.

I could feel Matts eyes looking down at me in confusion. He was frozen stiff for a short while. But then I sense his arms wrap around my shoulders. He was hesitant at first until he embraces me fully. Pulling me even closer to him.

Relief floods my body and I hug him even tighter, pressing my cheek against his warm chest. I could hear his heartbeat. It was calming, reassuring in a way. I don't even know what that means, but it did. He didn't seem to care that I was cold and wet, probably soaking his clothes. Instead he lifts his hand to caress my head. I felt safe in his hold. But not a kind of safe I've ever felt before. I felt at home. Like my mom could never hurt me again.

"Are you okay?" He holds both sides of my face gently, tilting my head up to look at him.

The ball in my throat trapped my voice, the capability to actually say something. I couldn't even bring myself to reply.

So I just shake my head no, tears continuing to stream down my face as I break down again.
He immediately pulls me back in and rubs my arm comfortingly. I then hear the front door shut behind me with one swift kick of his foot. The sound of rain and wind was silenced which slowly put me at ease.

After a minute I pull away and he looks down at me with eyes of worry. I look back at him with glossy red eyes, biting the inside of my lip slightly embarrassed. He then scans his surroundings before gently grabbing my hand without a word  and pulls me to the stairs.

I follow him tiredly as he leads me up to his room. As we walk I look around the house, noticing that all the lights were off and everyone's doors were closed. Everyone must be asleep.

We reach his room and he makes sure to shut the door slowly and quietly so no one would wake up before turning back to me. I felt awkward standing there in front of him, being in his room was so unnatural for me. I don't come in here often.

He sighs looking at me with sympathy "cmon".

He leads me to his bed and sits down, patting the space in front of him. I go to do the same and sit on his bed, crossing my legs. My eyes stay on my lap, and I sniff silently, awaiting for him to say something.

And then he did.

"Y/n, what happened?" He says softly.

I take a deep inhale, gathering the courage to say something.

"My mom..." I play with my fingernails.

He's silent for a moment, well aware of the touchy subject.

"Do you...do you want to talk about it?" He asks hesitantly.