It can never be the same

Chapter 14

Just like the snow slowly melts to make way for flowers to bloom, the dynamic between her and Malfoy shifted once more. After he had broken down in the Room of Requirement, things between them weren't quite what they were before. They had found somewhat neutral ground. 

They didn't talk to each other when they went about their daily life at Hogwarts. Rumours about them slowly died down and everything seemed to settle. Harry and Ron bugged her at first about what had happened between them but she hadn't budged. They eventually stopped asking her about it but she still noticed the relieved expressions on their faces since she stopped talking to Malfoy. 

Theo and Blaise had tried to be subtle but they too were curious about what was going on with them since Malfoy apparently wasn't telling them anything. Pansy, on the other hand, had plucked up the courage to confess to Daphne and had been speaking about her nonstop since they got together. That didn't stop her from giving her a look that felt like she was looking right into her soul when she noticed that she and Malfoy weren't talking again.

Everyone at Hogwarts assumed that they weren't on speaking terms anymore but that didn't stop them from sharing little moments. Stolen looks and hidden smiles, fleeting moments that went over the heads of the people around them. 

Once, Pansy and Daphne had sat next to Malfoy for dinner and it seemed like he was getting increasingly agitated because the couple's PDA had basically been shoved in his face. It was quite the amusing sight and she smirked as she watched his eyebrows furrow deeper. It seemed as if he was about to snap when Pansy fed Daphne a piece of her food even though they were eating the same thing. Then, he had caught her gaze and noticed her smirk. He rolled his eyes but there was a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Small interactions like that were the only things that passed between them but to everyone else at Hogwarts, they were practically strangers. However, when it was just the two of them in the Room of Requirement, things were different. They weren't quite friends but she wasn't acting hostile toward him anymore and he wasn't trying to push her away. 

She was curious, though; she wondered what exactly had triggered his breakdown. She knew returning home wouldn't have been easy for him but the question hadn't left her mind since she held him as he sobbed: what exactly had happened when Malfoy returned home for the holidays? And why did he start ignoring her when he returned? 

Why did they act like strangers when he hadn't left her alone when she wanted him to? They hadn't talked about his breakdown after it happened; they hadn't talked about anything. She knew they were in desperate need of a proper talk so they could sort through everything but she was comfortable existing in this grey area with him - even if there were nagging thoughts floating around her mind.

As the Saturdays passed, they continued to work amicably alongside each other while barely acknowledging the other's presence every other day. During that time, they met up with Dumbledore twice for progress reports. Malfoy had seemed strangely tense when they spoke with Dumbledore but she chalked that up to the pressure he must've felt over the task they had been given. 

She felt that pressure too. 

It didn't help that she hadn't been able to apparate since the first class, the pressure of everyone expecting her to be a natural getting the better of her. Her face had burned when they returned for another class and everyone had been watching her expectantly. She had practically been sweating when she saw the instructor's eager gaze, only for him to glance away awkwardly when nothing happened. She had just wanted to find a hole to live in for the rest of her days.