It can never be the same

Chapter 8

A/n Draco struggles between feeling like he doesn't deserve reader and being head over heels for her. He's pretty angsty in this chapter.

Just so you don't get confused, there's a time skip of a few days after the Room of Requirement scene.

Saturday. The day that Draco usually spent dedicated to fixing the Vanishing Cabinet.

Who was he kidding? He spent every waking moment dedicated to fixing the Vanishing Cabinet - and coming up with a barely thought-out plan to kill Dumbledore before the cabinet was fixed. But things were different now. Some of the pressure had been taken off him. He didn't have to worry himself sick about the task he had been given. He and his mother would be protected. He could rest assured knowing that he didn't have to actually be a death eater.

He was sleeping better and getting accustomed to eating proper meals again. His friends were no longer looking at him with pity and worry. He could focus in his classes again and could muster up some energy to do the work they had been assigned. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

And it was all thanks to her - his sunshine. He would forever be indebted to her for what she had done. He was so grateful to her - and Dumbledore, he supposed; even if he didn't like him. When she had brought him to Dumbledore's office, he thought he was done for. With how cold she had been towards him, it was completely plausible for him to think that he would be heading to Azkaban by the end of the night.

He should've never doubted her. Of course she would do everything in her power to help someone out; it was just her nature. Like she had said to him just days before, she would never turn her back on someone that needed her.

After everything that she had done for him, it was a little hard not to hold on to hope that she still harboured some feelings for him. When she had called him by his first name, it had sent a pleasant trill down his spine; his heart leaping in his chest. He didn't realise that he could experience such joy from someone saying his name.

Yet, with those pleasant, hopeful feelings also came the voices of doubt and insecurity. He didn't deserve her. Before, he was ready to become a man that would be worthy of her but after everything he went through, he was stripped of that confidence. How could he ever be someone deserving of her when he had this mark on his left arm?

She had been so kind to him, though, despite what he was. Maybe there was hope but then again, her kindness just proved that she was too good for him.

He checked the time on his watch. He had written in the note he had given her yesterday to meet him in the Room of Requirement at ten o'clock. She was ten minutes late, maybe she was having a hard time slipping away from her friends - like he had when he first started disappearing to this room.

He frowned as he rubbed the watch on his wrist. It was an ugly thing; something that had been gifted to him by one of his mother's friends. He had wanted to shove it at the back of his drawer but his mother had insisted he wear it. He wasn't sure why he was still wearing the bloody thing. He needed a new watch.

Draco was brought out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps approaching him. His hand hovered over his wand at his waist in case it wasn't Y/n. He relaxed when he saw her beautiful face emerge from around the corner. She was looking particularly cute today, with her hair loose and a jumper on that was too big for her.

Wait. He recognised that jumper.

He resisted the urge to smile as he realised whose jumper she was wearing. He had to play it cool. She had been amicable towards him yesterday when he handed her the note. He didn't want her to go back to being cold towards him, as selfish as that sounded.