"I'll always wait for you" (Oikawa x Fem!reader) Sequel to "My First Love"

19. An old passion

At the beginning of the year, I expected the next months, until the end of High School, to be as happy as it never was. This summer, thanks to all the friends I have, will not be easily forgotten. They all made me realize things that I wished I had realized by myself. It just made me realize how fragile I am and how much help I actually need to become powerful in my own way. But right now, it's not like I can get the help I want and need. I don't want anybody's help, mostly because I need to find a way to completely stay out of this pain that is destroying me. I know a specialist in that special kind of thing would help me, but in my mind, it is only a temporary solution and I want a permanent one. Any little thing that would get me out... I would greet it with so much joy and excitement, you would think I never actually was in a depression. I mean, it's not really the form of pain you would call depression, if I wouldn't have people called bestfriends to help me go through it, I would stay in bed all day, sleeping and all, but I want to help myself as much as they want to help me, so that's why I don't let myself be the victim of depression and try to find ways to help me. Talking, even though not completely, to Irana and Ena helped me get away from a part of my pain. I just need to want it.

That's basically how my eyes landed on the bookshelves I forgot I had. When my long lived passion of reading suddenly quit me when my parents died, I didn't look at them again, because I was too drown by real life that I refused to look at someone else's false life.

I then stood up from my bed and approached the few books I had in my possession. I found myself surprised that I didn't throw them away, sell or give them. I picked the one that used to be my favorite and returned to my bed. I read the back of the book and smiled, remembering the memories of when I read it. I opened the book and started reading.

All the things that made real life what it was went away flying out of my room. The short few hours that I had to sleep in the last few days weren't any of my concern. To me, I was in the story I was reading. A beautiful love story that every girl my age would be kicking their feet at in jealousy. A girl who lives in a fantasy world and where drama follows her everywhere. I couldn't quite put the name on the trope though. Was it ennemies to lovers? or friends to lovers? or maybe the girl hates the guy but the guy can't stop teasing her type of book? I honestly don't remember but it got me curious and I continued reading. I didn't see the time pass by and I got over a hundred pages read by the end of the day. And for all I know, when my uncle called my name for dinner, my eyes were giving up their duty of staying open until dark came. I felt them close and didn't bother fight against it, mostly if I needed the sleep. I heard the door of my bedroom open, but no sound, no people talking. I just fell asleep before anyone could disturb my sleep that I hope would be long.

*-*--*-*

Oikawa's POV

When I opened her door, I smiled at how cute she was when she was sleeping. She had a book in her hands. I raised my eyebrows, surprised of the fact that I never saw her with one in her hands before. But I didn't bother asking myself why, because it would be a new thing that I would be glad to know about her. I just walked over to her with a protective smile after closing her door. I searched for something that looked like a bookmark so I didn't make her lose where she was at. There was one on her nightstand, I took it, placing it between the two pages she was at and then placed the book on her nightstand, before pulling her blanket on her, so she would feel comfortable when she would wake up.

I then decided to stay and I sat at the end of her bed and rested my back on the wall, looking at the silhouette of my favorite person drawing itself under the blanket. It made me thought about a lot of things. About how I almost told her, at the mall, that I loved her, seriously, but realizing, thanks to Irana's interruption, that it wasn't the place, nor the time. Maybe it would have been a mistake to be so early, but I guess at that time I didn't care. But now, I care and I know it wasn't a good idea and I would thank Irana if I could. I just wish the time would come soon.

Looking at my phone for the time, I realized her uncle had called my parents and I to have dinner with them, but I ended up in her bedroom. For all I knew, they could be worried of how much time we were taking and for all I cared, I didn't give a honest shit about what they thought. I was just happy I could be beside her without us being awkward, mostly if it was to watch over her while she was sleeping.

I just happened to fall asleep beside her. I didn't get woken up by my parents, nor Y/n's uncle. When I woke up, she was still asleep. I looked at my phone and it was 4 am. I guess it was kinda normal for the time I fell asleep, but looking at Y/n, whose face was facing mine, I realized maybe she wasn't getting enough sleep, but I didn't bother worrying. I just approached my hand to her face and replaced a lock of hair that had fallen. I wished I could kiss her in that very moment, but I didn't dare, because it would have disrespected her. I looked at her, taking my hand away and waited. When she finally batted her eyes almost thirty minutes later, she didn't get scared and just looked at me with confusion.

"Am I still dreaming?" she asked, stretching.

"Would I really be considered as a dream?" I asked.

She then looked back at me.

"I guess, yes"

I chuckled, amused.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It's just cute"

"Don't say that" she immediately said, hiding her face in her hands.

I laughed again.

"So, since when do you read?" I asked by simple curiosity.

"I read before my parents died. I stopped because I couldn't bear to lose myself in what wasn't true" she confessed, taking her hands away from her face.

"Mhm. It's understandable. Also, when was last time you slept so much like this?"

She looked at me with less motivation to answer than a few seconds ago.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, calmly.

"Because I thought I could help myself alone"

"No, you can't, dummy. I was always there for you, why can't you use me?"

"Because it is always about myself"

"And what about that? Who cares? Come on, Y/n, you know I don't care about that"

"But I do..."

"Shut up, Y/n" I ordered, only to find myself taking her head in my hands and approaching myself to her. Before I even realized it, I had taken her head to my chest and I had my arms around her neck.

I felt her fists joined her head and she put them on my chest, but didn't push me away.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"Don't apologize, Y/n. You did nothing wrong"

"I'm sorry" she repeated.

I didn't say anything else. Her words were making my heart ache.

"Stay here with me, please" she demanded, almost crying.

"Of course I will. You know I would've stayed even if you didn't ask anything of me"

*-*--*-*

Y/n's POV

I kinda felt as if I was in the right place. As if I found a place where to belong. But even though, Ena's words still worked their effect on my mind, on my heart and on every part of my body. I wished I had enough strength to ask her what happened to her to know exactly what was happening in both of our hearts, of Tooru and I. I also wished I had enough strength to tell Tooru that I loved him. But I was powerless against his chest...

*-*--*-*

(A/N) : Hi, hi, dear readers, how are you? For what this chapter maybe brought you, I cannot apologize, but I still hope you liked it. I'll try to write a chapter per day, since I get more motivation to write these days and where this story is heading is warming my heart. I know this is my first fanfiction and it isn't perfect, but I will get better in the others I will be publishing after this one. Anyway, see you soon, on chapter 20! :)