𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇 (Ash Trilogy #2) ✔️

31

~ Saint POV ~

There was a time in my life when I didn't think I deserved to live.

I remember the memory like it was yesterday, despite it being two years ago. 

I stood on top of that cliff, looking down at the drop-off. The wind was vicious, whipping my clothes around and sending my hair everywhere. I looked down at the dark waves that crashed against the sharp rocks. My balance was altered by the entire bottle of alcohol I had consumed. The smell of the salty water burned my nose.

I thought I could never be normal. I thought I could never be good. I thought I would want to kill people my entire life.

But I didn't jump. 

I was holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, there would be a time when I didn't want to kill people. I never wanted to be born with the urges I had. 

I'm different now. I've evolved. I've finally done what I thought I would never be able to do.

I've changed.

The road to changing was long, frustrating, not easy. These three months have been the most difficult of my life. I went through cycles of relapsing into the darkness inside of me and thinking I could never change, thinking that I would always remain the fucked up man I was before I came to New York.

But as I run across the grass, dripping wet, holding Aurora's hand, I can feel it inside of me.

I feel the urge to kill slip away until it's no more.

"Hey! You two get back here!" an officer shouts from behind us, barely getting the words out between breaths.

He chases after us, but Aurora and I don't stop. We keep running to my car, laughing together.

All the shit I've done, all the things I've gone through, all the times I thought I'd never be a normal person.

But I can feel it now that I am.

I no longer want to kill. I no longer want to hurt people.

All I want, is you, Aurora. 

All I want is her love, all I want is for her to be mine. I don't give a shit about a single other thing. I'm no longer Saint Ash, serial killer, fucked-up piece of shit.

I'm Saint Ash, a man that is merely in love with a girl. 

I know that me changing and becoming a better person will never change what I've done in the past. It will never make it okay. 

But, from here on out, I will be better. I will be a normal person. A guy that makes friends, a guy that animals like, a guy that Aurora could love.

And I wear the biggest goddamn smile on my face as I come to this realization. 

I've finally changed.

Aurora and I jump into my car once we reach it. The engine roars to life as I turn the keys and the officer is still running toward my car. 

I step on the gas. I know this isn't a serious enough crime for them to follow us, so I don't panic as my wheels begin to spin and we start speeding away. 

"Better luck next time, loser!" Aurora shouts out of the open windows at the officer as we start flying down the road. 

The wind hits us as we speed down the road. We laugh together over the sound of the radio playing Mac Miller. Her laugh makes me happier than anything else ever could. 

My entire body feels warm. Happy.

The wind whips her dark hair around, and I look over at her. Her lips are turned up in a smile, her dimples poking her cheeks. Her golden jewelry shines and I can't help but think about the first time I laid my eyes upon her.