The Fan Gay (Cate Blanchett)

Chapter 33

I know I said I wouldn't go, but I did.

I was in the screening, the same building as Cate. The same room as hers.

I almost didn't make it, but I thankfully did.

I sat there and watched Cate's undoubtedly fantastic film. I clapped and cheered for her, just like everybody else.

And just like the card, I was just enough to be left unseen, enough to be invisible-But only to her sight. Not letting her see me, but enough to know that I'm here... Or so I wish she knew.

That night should have been the best, the one I'd been excited about for months. It is supposedly the time I would've already hugged and kissed her, congratulating Cate all night. And saying that, I'm beyond proud than I already am. I could've told Cate all the words I could say to praise her or even tease her about how I plan to cut her hair in her sleep.

I should've been by her side that night.

But I can't because that fucked up by a card, by a piece of an envelope that I should've not seen that night-at least, not yet. It was all ruined by a simple sentence I didn't know would scare me the most.

What made me cry that evening was when Cate was the one who was apologizing, even telling me that she'll make it up to me all week-when she should not, must not even, because she didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who's been lying here. I'm the one who's fucking up everything.

I'm the one who should ask for forgiveness.

Yet that was the opposite of what I did in the next two days. I keep lying and lying, saying things that I don't know if it makes sense anymore. And I know I should face the consequence that is chasing me, but even though I desperately want it, I keep dodging and running away from it.

Not until Cate found out the truth.

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I'm Breathless. Gasping for air, panting almost harshly as if I am close to death.

I'm scared, worried that everything could go wrong from what I planned. From what it supposed to happen.

So, I keep walking breezly, running as fast as I could in the streets of New York. I don't care whoever I bump into, I just care how I could get to my house on time.

Please.

Then when I did, I opened my door so quickly that It slammed behind the wall. I heard a loud gasp, obviously surprise from what I just did.

But I was more surprised when it came from two people.

"Y/n L/n, do you want to break your own door or what?"

I heard my mom say to me, but I wasn't caring anything that she says next when I saw the person sitting right next to her, already staring at me with a knitted eyebrow.

She took a sip on her tea cup first before slowly, carefully crossing her legs without leaving me out of her sight. Then, she finally found her words.

"Yeah, what happened to you?"

I wasn't moving anymore. So stunned that I was just staring back to her while catching my breath. I thought I was running so fast that I could catch her up before she gets inside my house.

But It wasn't enough. I'm still late.

She's already here.

Cate is here.

With my Mother beside her.

And now, I'm more a̶f̶r̶a̶i̶d̶ terrified for many reasons.