The Fan Gay (Cate Blanchett)

Chapter 50

My love,

I know this will confuse you now, but I hope you'll understand me. From the time you're reading this, I already left. I have reasons, but I don't know if ever I can tell you anymore.

I'm sorry, Cate. I'm so sorry for everything. I broke my promise, I hurt you again. I can't give you anymore trouble, make you suffer with me and put you all in harm. I'm sorry I ruined what we ought to, I made our never-ending story into a tragedy.

For the kids, I'm sorry too. I know there's no perfect apology I could give to you, but I want you to know that even for the shortest time, they all made me feel like my own, a family I never thought I'd be this lucky to be part of. You all mean the world to me. I love all of you, so much that I would do absolutely everything just to keep you all safe.

That's why, Cate... I am leaving for good. You don't have to worry about it. There's no more danger, no more harm anymore. You all are much safer now, they won't ever bother you again.

I know after this, you might try to search for me, but... please don't because I know it will just exhaust you, and I don't want you to get through that all over again. I might have left, yet, darling, you should know that I'm always going to be your fan. But this time around, just only cheering for you from afar—That's how I started, and maybe that's how I will end it.

Please know that what we had is something that I will forever cherish, and everything with you is a treasure that will forever be engraved in my heart. You loved me in a way no one will ever will, even beyond what you and I will ever know. Believe me when I say you're my unexpected happiness, my person, my ocean, my home, my everything... but all that love I have for you is only led to one thing—I have to let you go.

I love you in every universe, Catherine.
Forever and Always.

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