Pain behind those grey eyes

20.He hates me

We all were eating our dinner in utmost silence. The only sound you can hear was Sam's voice, talking excitedly about he helped me in the preparation of dinner. Smith was nodding after every second moment giving a little smile to encourage him. But I don't think he was really concentrating on the conversation, he seems a little off, dreaming in his own world. It feels like his attention his divided, his mind is somewhere else. But poor Sam was far too oblivious about the situation and was currently babbling about why can't he color a crow in yellow color instead of black.

We finished our dinner but I didn't tried to talk with Smith because of two reasons. First, I don't want to disturb the father son moments. Second, I don't want to trigger him by saying anything, he can't control his temper even infront of Sam and I don't want to make him sad.

We all finished our dinner and Smith took Sam to his room, maybe to read bedtime stories for him. I engaged myself in washing the dishes.

I was washing the dishes when Smith came back. I saw him from my peripheral vision, he took out one water jug from the upper cabinet and was filling it with water. He totally ignored my presence but I decided to be like a dumbass, and initiated the conversation.

"Sam was really happy to see you...He was missing you a lot." I said to him and he nodded after some seconds. Like the dumbass I am, I just fucking ignored the signs where he clearly showed that he is not interested in talking with me right now and asked him again.

"How was the food?"

He freezed while filling his jug and slowly turned his gaze towards me, his beautiful grey eyes were slightly glaring at me and now I clearly understood that I fucked up.

"Just stop it." He gritted his teeth. "Just fucking stop it..."

"What happened?" I asked subconsciously. I knew that something is wrong and I really wanted to clear the misunderstanding.

"Why are you so fucking...clingy?" He snapped at me and slammed the water filled jug on the counter.

"But what did I do?" I asked because I really have no idea.

"Stop fucking asking goddamn it...this care. Just Stop it. I told you to stay away from me. Didn't I?" He raised his voice a little and trust me, It's really very hard to control my own temper in his presence when he behaves like that, he just knows how to trigger me. Couldn't he just talk in a calm way.

"I am staying away from as you said but I can't lie to Sam anymore that's why I was asking about your whereabouts. I haven't seen you for five days." I told him in the calmest way possible.

"So that's why you complained to your brother...What are you? A fucking sixteen year old clingy girlfriend?" He snapped at me and I glared at him.

"I was just sharing because he asked. I told him because I didn't even knew whether you are fucking alive or d-dead. I asked you to come h-home because of...S-Sam." I explained and tears came into my eyes making it difficult for me to speak but I controlled my best because I know they mean nothing to him.

"Ofcourse...and I believe it." He sarcastically laughed at my face.

"Who the fuck are you fooling Sia? Me? I had known you since childhood sweetie, you have always been a clingy girl. Always complaining and whining from your father and brother....you know what? I will come home whenever the fuck I want to, it shouldn't be your business...at all."

"How many times I have to tell you...Sam was asking about you constantly that's why I just shared it with my brother. Only because Aiden asked about us. What do you think....I am interested in playing husband-wife with you? Not at all."

"There is no us..." He snapped at me. Then he took a step towards me and looked at me.

"You are only here to take care of Sam not me...So just stop it and don't try to take her place." He said the last part in a small voice but in a threatening way and turned back, took his jug from the counter and went outside the kitchen, probably going to his room. I took a deep breath looked around the kitchen. The dishes are still there unwashed, I sighed and started washing them again.

And, finally I started my Niagara falls, I cried a little because he was so rude and mean to me. I just asked him a simple question and I shared with Aiden because I don't want to lie to Sam anymore or give him false hopes about his father whereabouts. Was this too difficult to understand?

I went to my room after finishing everything, not before checking on Sam. He was sleeping peacefully in his room and I needed to see him to remind myself that why the fuck I am tolerating this.

I am doing this for my Sam.

I showered and finally laid on the bed. I was staring mindlessly at the ceiling from the last half an hour because I couldn't sleep. I just don't understand his mood swings. Last time he was good to me, but this time he told me that I shouldn't try to take her place. Well I never tried to her wife's place nor this was ever my intention. Why didn't he believe me? And am I really clingy?

He told me I had always been a clingy women. But from what I remember, the attraction we both once felt towards each other, it was two-sided always or as he said four years ago, he was just making a fool out of me.

God...even after one week of our marriage, there is not a single progress. He hated me earlier also and now I think he hates me more. Honestly, I don't even know what to feel now for him. Because even after all this, I couldn't find in myself to hate him as I know he's hurting. But still it does not give him any right to talk to me like that. I was just asking a simple question.

My phone rang indicating about a recieved message. I picked it up and saw a text from Aiden.

Aiden: Everything's fine between you guys now? Did you guys talked?

Me: Yes...we talked and everything is good between us now. Don't worry.

I know what I have to do now. I wiped my tears because I don't want to cry over him. If he doesn't wants me give him any attention and mind my own business then that's what I'll fucking do.

I'll avoid him at all costs.

Author's note:

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