"N-No... don't stop. Don't fucking stop." I replied and hugged him tightly, my voice thick with desperation and longing for him but I don't fucking care now. "I want this and I want you....Now."
"I-I....I can't do this to you but. It would be...just...
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"About last night--
"-- Was a mistake and happened only because of the heat of the moment and I shouldn't keep my hopes high. Right?" I interrupted him in the middle because I'm in no mood to face another rejection from him when I very well know he regrets it. I couldn't hear him that he played me again. So, It's better to assume things.
"Umm..yeah." He shrugged and then nodded at me.
Eventually, I know he would never like someone like me but still his assurance at my assumption broke my heart. He really regretted it?
Why I always expect so much from him?
After that conversation we didn't say anything. The ride to my office was more awkward than earlier it was, and I desperately wanted to just open the door and run away from him and hide there forever. The continuous rejections from him are now fucking up with my mind.
Finally after fifteen minutes of the painful drive, we reached my office and I hurriedly opened the car's door to run out but I felt his hand on my forearm. "Text me when you'll be finished. I'll pick you up..." I nodded at him and went out of the car.
I settled on my desk on time luckily and started opening up the files to begin my day and that's when I felt the heated gaze of Clara burning holes on the side of my face. I tried to ignore her because I can't share my every problem with her. She had an awesome life going on other than solving my problems, always comforting me and convincing me that everything will be fine when I most certainly know that my life is doomed now.
I'm so regretting my decision to marry him because before him atleast I had some peace and little happiness in my life but look at me now. It's like everything in my life right now is revolving around Smith's actions.
But then again Sam's face comes in my mind and it makes me feel really guilty that I'm only thinking about my happiness when someone's else happiness is dependent upon me. Someone who really loves me.
"Ouch... it hurts bitch." I got distracted from my self pitying thoughts when Clara threw her pen at me. I glared at her and she gave me full broad grin like a cheshire cat. I ignored her again and focussed on the piles of files kept infront of me. I know I'm acting weird and this would most certainly make her more suspicious that something is wrong. But I don't want to share anything because I know that once I'll start my nigera falls with start with it too.
I really don't want to make a scene in the office.
I don't want to look pathetic.
"Siaaaa..." Clara whined when I ignored her again. "What happened babes?" Now, I really have to say something otherwise she won't let this go until she knows what's wrong.
"Everything is fine Clara...It's just Smith dropped me off here so I'm just a little curious because he's really behaving these days." I replied with a shrug and she hummed and narrowed her eyes in response clearly not buying my bullshit. Well..it's not a complete lie atleast. But, I'm grateful that she didn't pryed and asked anything further and we both got engaged in our work after that.
