Harry Potter in Time but He's a Stoner

Grandpa's can sprint?!

They arrived at the castle after a surprisingly lumpy trip - obviously transport wasn't the best in the 70's but Harry still felt never-before motion sickness rise in himself after what he could only describe as a traumatising experience on boats, and thestrals, and even cows - it was too much to explain. 

Regardless of Harry's new biggest fear being emmersed, he gladly accepted the warm arms of the Hogwart's castle's stable ground. "1st years follow me, everyone else welcome back please proceed to the main hall for the ceremony!" Some prefect shouted from the front of the crowd and Harry took his own intiative and wandered off away and through the school to Dumbledore's office.

He entered using a password - he'd shouted for several several minutes different muggle sweets until the statue thingy let him in - and looked around aimlessly looking for his manipulative grandfather figure. However, he soon came to the realisation that there was currently a ceremony happening, at the school, owned by the grandfather figure, who would most definately be attending said ceremony so that everyone feels welcomed. 

"Shit!" Harry shouted startling a certain baby phoenix that had been perched on a stand. "Ah Fawkes." Light-bulb moment. Harry found some loose parchment and scribbled an urgent notice, and attached it to Fawkes' leg (with some difficulty but he'll deny that) and sent the untrustworthy, just-met phoenix out into the halls of a massive castle to find Dumbledore. What a plan. 

Despite this, it wasn't long before a very old man came practically sprinting up the steps to his office - why he didn't just like apparate Harry will also never know - but Harry felt compelled to move out of his resting spot of Dumbledore's chair so that the crippled dude could have a breather. "Who are you?" Dubledore said through light gasps. He was physically fitter than Harry expected but still old. 

"Well, you see I'm in a sort of predicament and don't even try that mind-seeing bullshit with me." Harry clarified already seeing the glint in Dumbledore's eye. "I'm serious," Harry took a seat and adjusted his hair - God Draco had had an effect on him. "I'm from the future." What a way to be blunt. Harry stared at the other like it was the most obvious thing that had ever been said while the other's face just morphed into shock. "And before you ask." Harry continued, "I broke a time turner." 

Dumbledore stared at the young boy. 'He must be powerful it's almost impossible to break a time turner' He thought. "And how exactly did you manage that young..." "Harry" "Ah young Harry." "I fell on it."

Wow. Dumbledore just fucking deadpanned. How in the world did this scrawny looking boy end up falling on - and breaking - a time turner. Harry put the little machine of his dread on the desk. Nevermind. How did this scrawny boy manage to CRUSH a time turner!

"Regardless of that," Dumbledore composed himself, "How do I know you're telling the truth?" 'Ah shit' Harry didn't think about that part. Wait, wait he is actually a genius. A way to get into the school and to prove he's telling the truth. "Let me do the sorting ceremony!" Harry slammed his hands rather harshly on the top of Dumbledore's desk pulling them back to rub together to ease the pain of his outburst. 

"I don't see why you can't however it may seem weird if you just show up in the middle of the first years ceremony." they sat in silence for a few awkward seconds while they thought. They thought - it was more Dumbledore because Harry looked as if there was steam blowing out of his ears from all the  thinking. For how smart he was the boy didn't know how to apply his common sense to tricky situations he'd managed to get himself into. "I guess I'll just have to make a fake name, say I'm a transfer?" Harry said now facing the elder. "Hmm that could work but you have to make sure you stick to it, and don't visit Gringott's with others." Harry nodded along before Dumbledore continued. "And please. For the love of Merlin, don't forget your own fake last name." Harry looked taken aback and slightly offended at the accusation but knew deep down that he would do something exactly like that. 

"I'll just have to use a familiar one..." Harry grimaced at his next thought, "How about Dursley?" Wince, ouch, throwing up. That was Harry's initial reaction to his own option. "There's no surname like that at Hogwarts so it should be fine. Now, the sorting ceremony is almost over, so we should get going so we won't be late." Dumbledore stood, Harry following suit and they made their way out of his office and through the halls of Hogwarts. Maybe this year wouldn't be so bad. 

Never mind, he had to take the last name of his abusers and he could feel the mischievous aura surrounding Dumbledore as they walked. He was such an idiot.