Harry Potter in Time but He's a Stoner

Cue Changes by David Bowie.

"Harry why?" Dumbledore shook his head. "Why, why, why, w-" He stopped when he noticed Harry mocking him from the chair across. "What on Earth are you doing here with Mr Potter, Lupin, Black and Pettigrew at quarter to one in the morning." 

"Woooaahhh time truly flies when you're having fun." Harry put his legs up on the desk again.

"More like when you're scared to death." Remus muttered and they all gathered behind Harry near the desk but Harry paid no mind just continuing to block Dumbledore's mind-seeing shit and looking at him. "They found Katya." And Dumbledore's hand has never flown so fast to his forehead in a deadpan in his entire life. And he's had a long life. "Also," Harry continued hands waving in the air looking a little confused and slightly concerned, "are the rumours about Grindelwald and you true because no straight man ever has set his password to Wine Gums. I don't think I've ever even see a straight guy eat Wine Gums. Maybe buy some at best but never eat-" 

"Harry, please." Dumbledore stopped him. 

"Right, yes. Sooooo, they found my snake." 

"Yes, they did. Did anyone else find her?" 

"Not that I'm aware of." 

"So, what is the problem with this then?" 

"Wait hold on," James interjects, "you're expecting us to sleep in the same room as a loose mamba snake that could potentially kill us just because Mr Secret over here is your grandson." 

Harry blinked. And blinked again. Then burst out into laughter while Dumbledore looked absolutely appalled at James' words. 

"He is definitely NOT my grandfather." Harry slapped his knee and burst into a coughing fit which Sirius soothed his back from. 

"But you call him gramps?" James's face had taken a severely dark shade of red.

"Yeah because he's old not because I like him." Harry turned away pointing his finger at Dumbledore who still looked rather shocked and a little sick at the idea of Harry being his grandson. 

"Well Mr Dursley I appreciate the obvious flattery but can we get back to the matter at hand. What would you like me to do about the snake?" Dumbledore caught all the boys' attention again. 

"Well, I sort of threatened her." Remus cut in and Harry snorted as a response. 

"Yeah she did not like that. I was hoping I could set her viv up in here for a while just so she becomes accustomed to the castle as well." Harry was actually thinking logically for once and Dumbledore sighed. "Very well, is this agreed amongst the boys?"

"As long as we don't die that should be alright." Sirius jumped off of Dumbledore's desk. 

Harry cast an Accio spell as soon as he'd said and Katya appeared around his neck, the viv set up in a little corner of the room as Harry walked through the boys. Peter gave a little squeak as he passed him, his rat instincts kicking in and Katya slightly smirked as she hissed in his direction. He placed her in the viv and told her to stay put for a while and allowed them to establish a mental link, making sure they can keep in touch if she needs him. 

"Well, I think alls well ends well isn't that right grandpa?" Dumbledore looked at his wits end as Harry smiled widely. 

"You're lucky I don't kick you out of Hogwarts for this." Dumbledore looked too tired. 

"You wouldn't. You can't. And don't you dare think I'm leaving without what I want." The time turner. 

"And what if I make you?" Obviously Dumbledore had chosen tonight to pick a fight with Harry who was not having it now stood above the desk with his arms crossed and staring intently. 

"Then we're going to have a larger problem in our hands aren't we." Sirius coughed.

"Get out." 

"I actually quite like it here." 

"Of my office, Harry."

"Oh yeah sure. See you later Gramps." Harry waved as he walked out of the doors, feeling thrilled that he can rile past Dumbledore up to this degree. The other boys followed and they reached their dorm in silence. 

"I don't know about you but I'm not particularly tired after that." Sirius swung his legs off the side of his bed. 

"No me neither." Remus got up to join Sirius on his bed and Harry had a sinking feeling that they just needed to be close to each other. He wasn't oblivious to future Remus and Sirius's feelings for each other. God, he'd truly be an idiot if he didn't notice. In fact, Sirius had came out to him the same day he'd come out to Sirius - Harry thought Sirius was a little zesty anyways which gave him confidence in the moment, but after seeing past Sirius and his plethora of tattoos, piercings and low cut crops tops, he doesn't know how he didn't see it before. Harry jolted though, passing his gaze between the two which to the onlookers no doubt looked extremely judgemental as he realised that Remus had gotten with Tonks not long before he'd disappeared. Shit. What. Looking at the two, he just couldn't see them not being together. 

"Do you have a problem?" Remus waved his hand a little at Harry who continued to stare at the two until he was snapped out of his thoughts. With that, Harry officially made a list of his second plan since Gringotts:

1. Fix the time turner. 

2. Get Remus and Sirius to fall in love and admit their feelings for one another so that they can be a happy couple and Remus doesn't end up getting with Sirius's baby cousin. 

3. Fix his reputation because right now, he looks like a complete and utter freak. 

Harry would add a crying emoji if he'd typed this out. Because, how on God's green Earth is he meant to survive in the past, try to not change too much of the future, while pushing his two dead God-parents to get together. Fuck it. Harry didn't care much for the future anyway - guess this would be his easy way out. 

Peter was fast asleep but James was laid looking out at the three boys, mainly at Harry who had still yet to answer Remus's question.

"Do any of you have fire whiskey?" Harry was a lost cause.