Harry Potter in Time but He's a Stoner

A little French tomfoolery.

Harry couldn't help the laugh that had him nearly rolling on the floor. He actually started crying a little and his stomach began to hurt as the other boys just looked at him astounded. Remus still hadn't removed his wand from Katya's direction causing the mamba to lift her head up tall and hiss towards the boy, causing the four of them to go into instant defence and Harry to wipe his tears. 

"Katya. No." Harry was stern in his tone as if reprimanding a toddler, which his familiar basically was, but in any case, Katya drew back grumpily and coiled herself again on Harry's bed. 

"What the fuck was that?!" James screamed still on the floor but now staring at Harry as if he was delirious - he was. "Sorry about that guys." Harry had no clue how to explain this as he wandered over to his bed when Remus spoke, "Care to explain why in the ever loving fuck you have the world's deadliest snake on your bed and you're not even the littlest bit shitting yourself about it?" Everybody nodded agreeing with the absolute blasphemy of the situation but Harry just couldn't seem to bring the words from his head, far too distracted by Remus' new identified accent that Harry had never noticed.  

"Hold on, are you Welsh?" Harry stared at Remus looking almost comical as he placed a hand on his hip and brought one up to his chin. Zesty mf. Harry noticed that the accent had clearly not carried into future Remus and he didn't know how he hadn't managed to catch it before. Must be his state of shock and panic. Either way, Harry liked it; preferred it actually. Remus's mouth flew agape, shocked at the audacity of the boy who was still stood next to a fucking snake??!! 

"Is that really what you're focusing on right now? Not the fact that you just commanded a venomous snake into withdrawal. Remus pinch me I think I've finally gone crazy." Sirius stood back onto his own two feet, and Harry definitely caught the sort of possessive tone to his voice. Still clutching onto Remus, he advanced the two backwards to sit on Sirius' bed which was closest to the door in order to make a quick escape just in case - the mf snake still hadn't moved but they were not taking any chances. Harry pushed his head into his hands and collapsed back onto his own bed, still occupying his familiar, and sat up with a dreaded look. Everyone just moved back. "Oh shitting hell." And Harry whispered for Katya to withdraw to her viv, carefully watching the four other boys as she descended back into Harry's compartment box and he stood. 

"Right then, who fancies a trip to the old man?" Harry turned to face the group who still hadn't relaxed, and clapped his hands together with a wide smile. 

"Whaa-" But James didn't finish before Harry was already retreating out of the room and he got a vision of Peter flying through after him, being furthest away from the door meant he was most likely to die if a certain mamba wanted revenge for Remus's little wand threat. All the boys begrudgingly stalked after him, even more unnerved by Harry's presence who literally had an aura of glowing daisies and sunshining bloody rainbows as he practically skipped down the halls. 

"Hey Harry," The boy mentioned turned with a scowl as Peter disrupted his inner rendition of the 1986 Dennis the Menace theme song but he allowed the boy to continue as they stopped just in front of the Gargoyles. "Who is the 'old man'?" Harry thought this boys stupidity couldn't get any worse. He just stared. And stared. Then turned to look at the Gargoyles who seemed to glare at him as he began to once again, shout the names of random sweets. This time, they didn't budge. Harry sighed and flipped them off again, realising that might have been the cause of his demise in the first place but it was soon replaced by James who confidently shouted 'Wine Gums' and the staircase opened. 

"All the prefects have to know the password." James just shrugged and followed Harry's lead as he began to walk up the stairs. Finally after what seemed like a bloody hour of twists (Harry is convinced the Gargoyles made it purposefully longer) they reached the doors to Dumbledore's study and Remus began to knock. That was interrupted though, because Harry just decided to open the doors anyway and help himself to Dumbledore's empty office, leaving the boys once again, mouths agape, following behind him. Harry also helped himself to Dumbledore's chair and ripped a piece of parchment off a paper on his desk, scribbling on it and again attaching it to Fawkes' leg, who squawked when Harry tried to get him to move at this daft hour at night. Besides the attitude, Fawkes left anyways and Harry began counting the minutes it would take for the old man to get there. 

"Don't you know how disrespectful you are being?" Peter once again voiced the boys' thoughts as Harry turned to put his feet up on the desk, leaning back and yawning despite sleeping all day. He'd had the hangover potion but it didn't stop his muscles from feeling like they were working overtime. "He doesn't care, he loves me." Harry looked with a sharp gaze at Peter but their staring competition was cut off when Sirius began laughing. Obviously, the most sarcastic and rebellious of the group had something to say. 

"You know, I think you're actually crazier than me." I won't be. Harry thought but he didn't fight the smile that tugged on his lips and looked at Sirius who had jumped up to sit on the other end of the desk. "Admit me to Mungo's if I'm wrong," Harry began. "But I think that we're going to be really good friends." Harry knew he wasn't wrong but still held his hand out for the other to shake. "Oui enchanté." Sirius grinned at Harry and Harry took a second to translate before replying with a swift "de même" which seemed to impress Sirius despite the minimal actual skill in French that Harry had. Zero. He had zero. Or as the French would say, zéro. 

After this little debacle, Dumbledore once again ascended the stairs, this time slower however looking about 70 years older, physically drained and wearing a nightgown with a long grey nightcap that was pointed at the end like he was Merlin from fucking Sword In The Stone. "Yo Gramps wassup?" Harry whistled as he concluded and a gasp erupted from the boys. 

"Did you just call Professor Dumbledore gramps?" James looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot we're meant to respect him." Harry cleared his throat and in his best posh accent continued, "Good day my Lord, I appreciate you answering my request at such a late hour, must you haveth this seat before we begin to discuss our follies." Sirius snorted and Harry made more work of standing and opening his arms to the chair behind Dumbledore's desk. The old man just walked over, head in his hands and breathed out a little prayer to the founders of Hogwarts and any other holy deity because God knows, he was getting far too old to deal with this shit. So he braced himself, and took a seat.