Harry Potter in Time but He's a Stoner

The bed boggart with a royalty complex.

Harry didn't know where this random denial of the mornings came from, being kept on a strict regime by Petunia since he was about six had never allowed him to have attitude in the mornings. Maybe it was the fact that he was majorly high and had to recover from like the worst hangover of his life - it was - or maybe that he was woken by a consistent and bothering tap on his cheek. Again. What is with people and needing to touch his face? Honestly, he is already under enough mental turmoil as it is he didn't need to break out as well. 

"Sirius can you just piss off already I thought we'd already done this once." Harry opened his eyes and noticed that Sirius was sat with a retreated hand on the edge of the bed. He had a straight posture and his uniform looked to be draped around him comfortably and formally - not like Sirius at all in the few days Harry had come to know his young God-father. It all seemed blurry, his hair was shorter and he was not bouncing around to Remus like a puppy waiting for a walk - in fact it only just registered that this wasn't even Harry's dorm room. And the fact that he wasn't wearing his glasses so it's no wonder that he was not seeing things straight, which he usually isn't let's be honest, but it would help if he'd wear his glasses that he keeps forgetting but has been wearing for about... his entire life. Finally, with his improved sight he sat up and took in his surroundings. That was for about five seconds before the absolute loudest thump of a gran cassa banged in his head and he promptly flopped back down with a groan. The regret settled heavily and it was not a pretty sight. 

The other boy seemed shocked by this, but not more than he was annoyed and he took on the duty of passing a hangover potion to Harry who downed it like it was the elixir of life; it definitely seemed that way to Harry who seemed to inflate with enthusiasm after he could finally feel his bones. 

He could also feel the silk pyjamas that were not present when he had initially fell asleep as he turned accusatory to the boy who was still there. He looked into the boys eyes and there was no doubt that Harry had not been the first to mistake him for Sirius, though his hair was shorter - it was certainly more tamed - and Sirius had his fair share of tattoos, but this boy had the same face shape, same nose and the same distant look behind his eyes that he had seen in Sirius after he had escaped from Azkaban, and briefly, if you looked close enough, in the Sirius that was present 20 years earlier. Harry remembered seeing the Black family tree and his brief discussion with Slughorn. There was no doubt in his mind. Regulus. 

It was different now, than meeting Sirius or James or Peter who he had all met at some point in his life even if one was only brief when he was a baby but now Harry was acutely aware that he was staring at somebody dead. Somebody he had never had the chance to meet and somebody who he only had less than a handful of stories to refer to because it was like his name was taboo. Which didn't make sense to Harry because the Regulus Black that he sees in front of him is utterly, shamelessly beautiful. It could just be the eyes, the ones so dark and glaring that reminded him so unmistakably of Draco's but this boy had Harry entranced. Harry reached his hand up to brush some hair away from the boys eyes to get a better view but snapped out of it when Regulus flinched back. Obviously. Who on this planet is not going to be weirded out by somebody waking up and staring at you, then suddenly succumbing to the urge to touch your face. Honestly, Harry was disgusted with himself and drew back. 

Regulus cleared his throat and turned away from Harry to stand. Harry swung his legs over the bed and sat as Regulus began to advance away so Harry began to speak. 

"Wait! Hi.. um hello what?" Regulus turned around and it dawned on Harry for a minute, "Hang on, how are you here? Why were you watching me sleep and why did you wake me up? I'm not sure if it's the same where you come from but where I am, it's common decency to at least wake them up to ask for a cup of tea and only leave them alone if they say no." Harry didn't know where he was going with this but he so desperately needed Regulus to stay. He just did. But it must've worked because the younger Black began advancing towards Harry slowly and cautiously as if he was experienced with bad morning people. He began to speak as he retreated back to the bed and Harry could tell now that his French accent was a lot thicker than Sirius' was, honestly if Sirius from the future hadn't mentioned his heritage, Harry wouldn't have been able to tell and he still slightly can't with past Sirius. 

"This is the room that ROR usually makes me when I need somewhere to go so I just wished to be here and found you in MY place. I woke you up because you were screaming in your sleep and I wasn't watching you, it was just that you were taking so long to come to I thought you were a boggart at one point. There is no tea set." Regulus held a sharp gaze with Harry and stopped as he crossed his arms. Still, Harry laughed. "That was perfect." And he continued laughing until Regulus scoffed and laughed a little with him. 

"I best get back to the dorm, from what I can remember, I told someo- James! I told him I was going to be there after I threw up." Harry was shocked at his great memory skills and scored himself 20 points to Gryffindor for his sheer awesomeness. "Wait." Regulus was sat facing Harry now, "You threw up in front of James Potter." He looked exasperated. "More like all over him." Regulus burst into laughter. "Oh my Gods that's like brilliant please tell me someone got a photo!" Harry's eyes glinted at Regulus's laughter, something in his gut told him that it didn't happen often. "I bloody hope not. That would be social suicide." 

"Not half, you threw up on Golden Boy." Now that got Harry's interest, people even called his dad Golden Boy. Guess it did run in the family. He thought it best not to bring it up. "So how come you thought I was a boggart? Do I really look that dreadful when I sleep?" Harry panicked to try and flatten his unruly hair which has never worked once in his entire life so why he tried was beyond him. "Depends on what you consider your worst nightmare. Surprisingly, this night I discovered that walking into a room and discovering a screaming teenager in your bed was one of them." Harry looked sheepish. "Sorry, I didn't know this was your bed and I can't help the night terrors. They just sort of... happen." At this Regulus stood and held his hand out to Harry to help him up and as it turns out, his robes could be magicked on as well as those pyjamas. 

"It's fine I only use this room when my dorm mates are busy using the room for... other things and it was splendidly nice having someone call me out for not offering them a cup of tea the minute they're presence was noticed." Regulus grinned cheekily and Harry was grateful that he didn't mention the night terrors. But Regulus continued his commentary of the evening with one final banger of an insult. "Who'd do you think you are? The King of England?" "You never know, I was graced enough with your outstanding wit and charm the only thing left for you to do is curtsy." Harry winked back at the boy as the door to the room was opened and Regulus stepped through doing a mock curtsy and looking back up. "See you later, your highness. Best get going before the big bad brother and James Potter have the hunt out for you. Or worse, Filch." and with that Regulus left and Harry walked the opposite direction to his house. 

Casting a quick tempus charm, Harry realised it was soon approaching night and rushed to reach the portrait just in time to hear the cries of a damsel in distress from inside the Gryffindor tower. His stupid hero complex kicked in as he rushed to follow to loud scream into the... boy's dormitory (???) and walked into his room to find Sirius hung from Remus like a koala bear, James flat on the floor advancing away from his bed with only his elbows, Peter peeking from behind the curtain of his bed and Remus who was walking slowly back, holding Sirius with one hand and his wand in the other. 

"What the fuck did I miss?" Harry was shell shocked as he gasped into the room. "Harry, don't move. There's a fucking snake in your bed." Sirius shouted burying his head in Remus's shoulder. 

Oh my God. And for the second time that night, Harry really bloody laughed.