From the Ending of a Tragedy

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

TW // Self Harm

Days passed, pero ang pag-aalala ko kay Luna? hindi. I'll visit her tomorrow to check if she's doing okay. Puno ako ng pag-asa dahil alam kong she's mentally strong.

"I'll go visit Luna" i told Dane.

"Be careful on your way Kuya" still worried. But i gave her a big hug to assure na i'll be okay. Pagsilip ko sa ward ay nakita ko ang mommy niya, but her younger brother was nowhere to be seen.

May tumapik sa likod ko. "Kuya Diell?"

"Ikaw pala, Mark" kabadong sabi ko.

Mark pulled me inside and Tita Sol greeted me. While Tita and Mark are talking to me, nagising si Luna. Puno sila ng saya...kami. As both her family members went for hug, i was watching them from afar. Until she looked at me, puno ng inis na para bang wala lang sa kanya ang sinabi niya 4 days ago.

I once imaged Tita Sol as the scariest mother on the planet, just looking at her eyes made me shiver. Turns out she's one of my favorite titas. Si Mark naman ay mukang basagulero pero his family is so proud of his achievements as a consistent top student.

"Luna, gising ka na pala" i cheerfully said.

Umiling ang babae. "Get out Diell, di mo ba nakikita na naaksidente ako"

"B-but" puno ako ng kaba. Bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ay pinalabas niya ko kay Mark. Grabe, ano bang ginawa kong mali. Umupo na lang ako sa bench na nasa tabi lang ng ward niya. Tita Sol sat beside me at niyakap ako.

"Ayaw niyang mag alala ka sa kanya" saad ni Tita. "Luna doesn't want you to see her suffer"

Pero i already did. Last year, It was the exam day at nakakapressure ang bawat hinga ng mga students. Given naman na kasi yon. Hours passed at halo halo ang reaction ng mga kaklase ko, ang iba ay matataas ang score at ang iba ay mababa. Si Luna ang isa sa mga mabababa. She's a genius pero i really don't know what happened to her. She told me na nag-aaway ang parents niya, at may hawak siyang blade.

"Calm down okay??" i worrily said to Luna.

Her eyes were full of rage and pain. "N-no!!!"

Before i even got close, she slashed her wrist five times... five fucking times. Her fair skin turned to rosy red as blood flowed on her hands. It was all over the floor, napaupo siya and i quickly lifted her. She's just too pure to be hurt like this. Dinala ko siya sa pinakamalapit na hospital para magamot. Thankfully hindi masyadong deep ang cuts na ginawa niya.

Remembering that painful moment made me cry harder, causing Luna to come out and push me away from her ward.... from her life.

Pagkauwi ko ay agad ko siyang chinat, she's online and i got nothing to lose.

"Sabi mo hindi ka iiwas? then what the fuck happened earlier. You're pushing me away, Luna. Nasasaktan ako kasi nasasaktan ka rin. I would love to take care of you but that's impossible kasi parang ayaw mo sa akin. Please tell me what did i do wrong, kung saan ako nagkulang"

Bago ako matulog ay nagsend pa ko ng isang message.

"Please take care. Alam kong malakas ka, don't skip your meals. Get well soon^^. Pinikit ko ang mata after ng message na iyon to calm myself.

Pagdating ng umaga ay nagising ako sa upuan, tangina nasa upuan ako nakatulog e nasa tabi ko lang ang kama ko.

I checked her message, grabe na talaga.

Luna: I don't know either. Nakakainis lang talaga pag nakikita kita. I know you're hurt too pero can you just stop? mas mahalaga ang recovery ko. Don't bother to come and take care of me. May mga nurses at doctors rito. Just get out of my sight... please

I can't cry dahil lintik.. wala na atang luha na natira sa mata ko. Humanap ako ng ibang paraan to release the pain. I saw a cutter, ayokong gawin ang iniisip ko but my demon just took over myself. Narealize ko na i snapped. My gaze were fixed at the cutter, what happened next is just... cruel. I made a lot of deep cuts causing my whole wrist to release blood, lots of it. Wala akong maramdaman na sakit, manhid na ata ako. I guess its better this way.

"Kuya??!!!!" Dane shouted and called Mom for help.

Self-harming are always my coping mechanism everytime na hindi ako okay, ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko ang uminom or mag yosi. Mas prefer ko lang masaktan.

Dane called Brian and he instantly went here. He carried me to his car as he rushed into the hospital. Pumunta si Jae sa bahay para bantayan si mama dahil sumama si Dane sa amin ni Brian.

Wala akong malay for 2 days. Pagmulat ko ng mata ay nahihilo pa rin ako, pero nakapaligid sakin ang mga malalapit na tao sa buhay ko. They pushed me to be stronger. Nagpasama ako kay Dane na bumili ng pagkain sa baba. While walking.. nasalubong namin si Luna, struggling to walk with crutches. Dane offered her help but she shook away her hand.

"Dane, i can do it alone" she rejected my sister.

I needed to be cold, that's the only way na mas lalakas siya.

"Hayaan mo na, let's just go and eat" with my cold gaze fixed at her.

Iniwan namin si Luna, still struggling. I hope she's feeling better kahit na di ko siya tinulungan. Gustong gusto ko siyang buhatin at idala sa pupuntahan niya, but i need her to be stronger tsaka my wrist isn't at right mood to carry someone.

Days went by and im recovering. Nakauwi na rin ako kaya i have more time to rest, to spend time with my family. A lot of things happened at hindi ko naisip na ilang days na lang ang natitira sa vacation ay papasok na ko as a 3rd year. Its better to focus myself on studies than with someone that pushes me away.