From the Ending of a Tragedy

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

TW // Mention of Self-Harm

While sleeping comfortably, my phone vibrated for a while... I don't know who it is but I opened it, baka si mama na pala ang nagchachat and it was her but she messaged our family gc.

Mama Sophie: me and your dad are enjoying the vacation, next vacay pumunta raw kayo ng kapatid mo

Mama Sophie: and bring your girl too, gustong makilala ng dad mo

Mama Sophie: i hope the three of you aren't skipping meals ha? lagot ka sakin pag di mo inaalagaan si Dane at Nyx

Mama Sophie: my boy Diell, finish prelims well and go here with your sister and girlfriend... i'll see you soon
- dad

Diell: Mom... Dad... hindi ko girlfriend si Nyx

Mama Sophie: @Dane totoo ba sinasabi ng kuya mo?

Dane: that....

Dane: idk mom, the only girls na he's comfy with is me and ate Luna

Dane: pero i can see na comfy si kuya

Diell: itigil mo yan

Dane: do you think i won't notice? gosh kuya parang di tayo magkapatid

Dane: your eyes when u saw ate Luna at the hospital was the same eyes when u saw ate Nyx in shambles

Dane: hays inlove na talaga si kuya:(((

Diell: what the fuck are you saying

Dane: hay nako, kuya itulog mo na yan bleh

Gosh Dane.... kapatid nga talaga kita. She's so observant since maliit pa lang siya, kahit makita mo siya na iba ang ginagawa, malalaman at malalaman niya rin ang ginagawa mo. Kaya minsan nakakatakot kasama 'to eh, pati pag-utot mo mapapansin.

Agad kong pinatay ang phone at ipinilit na matulog, pero itong dibdib ko ayaw akong patulugin, ang lakas ng kabog na parang anytime ay lalabas sa katawan ang puso ko.

Nyx... are you even human?

From the past days na nakasama ko siya. She's quite a learner at matataas ang scores niya... some are even higher than mine. She is also athletic because sometimes mag aaya siya ng pabilisan makatakbo sa bahay nila,,, this girl can also sing and dance well. Ano pa ba ang hindi mo kayang gawin Nyx? pati..... puso ko nakuha mo na....

After I calmed myself, natulog na ako at ilang hours palang sleep ko nang nagchat si mama sa family gc namin. Just like always, nagigising na lang ako na wala na ang kumot na binalot ko sa sarili bago matulog. Sometimes my sister will see me lying on the floor, ang weird ko talaga pag napapasarap ang tulog. There was a time where I even unconsciously punched someone while sleeping sa scouting tent, buti na lang at sila Jae lang ang nakakita sa nangyari.

I made breakfast pero both Dane and Nyx went outside, nag-date ang mag-bff. Hours went by and everything was so boring so I tried sneaking on Nyx's room... this isn't me pero gosh she made me curious about herself.

While rummaging through her bag, I saw a notebook with heart stickers. I guess some sort of diary ang nakita ko. Binasa ko ang nakasulat at.... what the fuck. My eyes almost popped sa mga nakita ko sa notes niya.

It was notes about me, she likes me a lot. Hindi ko mapigilan kabahan habang binabasa ang ibang page baka biglang nasa pinto na sila at pinapanood akong mabaliw sa diary ni Nyx.

And I was right....

She was watching me, I heard the door opened pero hindi ko pinansin baka hangin lang naman. She entered her room that I was rummaging at agad niya kong niyakap.

"Now you know kung bakit ganito ako sayo, I like you." while cuddling me.

Her voice was so soft that my chest's thumping so much.

"Hindi ko alam sasabihin ko sayo Nyx, but I'm not rejecting you."

Nyx just giggled as if she knows what I mean. We stayed in that position for a while, inaasar ko siya sa mga nababasa ko at tumatawa lang siya sa hiya. Pulang pula ang pisngi niya pagpasok at bago ako lumabas ng kwarto.

I know that I like her, gustong gusto ko siya but I want to heal myself from the wounds na iniwan ni Luna sa akin. Gusto ko rin naman maging masaya eh.

Dane ate the breakfast I cooked pero Nyx didn't eat yet, sino bang makakakain ng pulang pula ang pisngi. Dinala ko na lang ang niluto ko sa kwarto niya and she ate it well. I rarely cook meals pero ngayon na umalis si mama, kailangan ko at palaging gutom ang dalawang kasama ko sa bahay.

I spent most of the day reviewing past lessons with Nyx dahil may quiz next week. Both of us are focused though we know naman na we will do well. The night came at pagod kaming dalawa kaka-review and watching lessons online.

"Pagod ka na ba Nyx?." Worrily asking.

"Pano ako mapapagod? Andito ang pahinga ko."

Tangina naman oh, mas showy na ang tao dahil nakita ko ang diary jusko ayaw na mag paawat but nonetheless, masaya ako at nakikita ko na mas comfortable na siya.

I was playing her hair when she gave me a letter. It was written on a red paper with a lot of hearts.

"Read it before you sleep, punta na ko sa kwarto. Good night."

Tumango ako at pinanood siyang umalis. Her long hair was bouncing on her back, I never saw her tie it kasi gusto niyang ganon ang style palagi.

It was past 10pm when I opened the letter and that was the sweetest letter I have ever received.

"Diell, nahihiya ako magsabi about what I feel kaya pinaparamdam ko na lang. Sorry if clingy ako ng walang rason kahit ilang days palang tayong magkakilala, pero spending time with you feels like we've known each other for years. Yung moment na nabunggo mo ko sa stairs was I thought na only memory about you na maaalala ko forever, tapos classmates pala tayo and even seatmates. Aware rin ako sa kung anong meron sa inyo ni Luna, alam kasi ni Daphne at nasasabi rin minsan nila Jae pag napapadaan sila ni Brian sa room natin. Does it still hurt?? Can I help you heal your heart? Hindi ko kasi kaya na makita kang malungkot, the moment when you saved me makes me want to stay with you all the time.

I might be rejected kasi baka you have feelings for Luna pa pero okay na ko basta kasama kita. Diell.... I like you, a lot."

Natapon pa yung tubig na iniinom ko sa sobrang kaba, tangina basa na yung shorts ko.

I asked Nyx to come here after ko magpalit. She was so nervous kasi nakita niyang nakaopen ang letter sa desk ko.

"I'll tell you what I feel now"

"Diell kahit wag na-"

Before she even say one more word, niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Ayoko siyang mawala sa tabi ko, because my goal in life is accomplished already and that's to be happy, without having fear to hide cuts after I harm myself, without doubting who i really am.

"I won't beat around the bush Nyx, I like you too."

I can see that she's blushing, it is that obvious on her face. Hinalikan ko ang noo niya to assure na totoo ang nararamdaman ko, then proceeded to put her to sleep on her room.

Nyx: kinikilig pa rin ako bwisit ka

Diell: tomato

Nyx: ha??

Diell: your face earlier

Nyx: WTFFFFFFF

Diell: what a cutie

Nyx: mapang-asar ka talaga !

Diell: just sleep, anong oras na

Nyx: sabay tayo

Diell: syempre, good night

Nyx: good night ~

Diell: ily

Nyx: DIELL NAMAN

Nyx: ilyt^^

The day ended on a happy note, I feel like my soul already ascended to heaven pero hanggang feel like lang, wag totohanin lord. Gusto ko pa siya makasama ng matagal na matagal na matagal.