Red Rooms I Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

27. Safe Space

How did you always manage to fuck it up? This was so unneccessary of you. And leaving, crying, as if this is about you only...

You sat on the corner of your bed and looked out the window, seeing some more smoke passing the window, indicating that he helped himself to another cigarette of yours. You watched the smoke fade away, imagining him thinking and puffing on the chair outside. He was so...How was he so...You couldn't name it exactly. He is this big, grown man that surely manages just fine by himself and has been through enough horrible things you can't even imagine. But something about him was so innocent, something you wanted to protect. It's just hard to protect something you can't even grasp.

Watching the clouds of Ghost's smoke passing by your window, they soon stopped appearing. Must be done you tell yourself. You wipe some small tears away and take a deep breath. Guilt eating you from the inside out. You shouldn't have said all that, it's just none of your business plus whatever caused that scar near his heart, must have been traumatizing as hell...If not ALL of his scars were, in some way. This simply isn't about you.

You put on your slippers and crossed your arms, slowly making your way towards the living room where Simon was now standing, closing the balcony door as you enter. He looked absolutely marvellous in the black robe. His chest not even covered and since he was so tall it only reached to the middle of his big thighs. He looked cute like that- Okay, focus.

"Simon I'm so sorry, that was really disrespectful and unasked for." you say, standing on the other end of the big room, he still stood in front of the balcony door facing you now. He nodded and looked at the wall where a big clock hung, then switches his gaze back to you.

"You're right, that scar nearly got me."

You gulped. Hard. You felt so guilty for making him feel like he has to recall all of that now, feeling like if you're gonna tell him that he doesn't have to do this, he would continue to anyways. The harm had already been done.

"Frankly, can't remember much of it anyways, gone as I was." he stood still for a moment, calmly continuing "...Got infected and all, real nasty business. Price told me the medics were all convinced that the big, bad Lieutenant's not gonna make it this time."

You felt tears incoming once again. Why do you always have to cry so damn much?! The mean voice in your head taunting you.

"But that's all there is to it, bird. That scar, the one worrying you so much, is just a big sod off addressed to death. I'm still 'ere after all." he rasped, clearing his throat right after. This was really hard for him. He didn't even understand why he's telling you in the first place.

Well, maybe he understood a bit. You weren't just a quick fuck, something to get his serotonine in. He's been in love before, sure, when he was younger. And he's been with women, but not like this. Not staying there after the deed was done, sharing tiramisu, looking at their pinterest boards and giving feedback on some crazy, ridiculous piece of furniture they were considering getting. Whenever Simon would be with women, it was simply to give his body what it needed every now and then, sexual satisfaction. It has it's benefits, but he was never interested in more. Not after failed, short-lived relationships, not after growing up in an abusive household with no role models. Not after entering the military and dedicating his life to that, relationships or certain emotions only getting in the way of staying focus and sharp.

He understood it quite well now actually, the reason he was opening up to you like he hadn't to anyone in...when was the last time?

"All i'm saying,..." he muttered, taking one step closer to you "...when I tell you that you're safe, that I've got my eyes on you and all.." your heart stood still, hands clenching into fists as his figure came closer to yours.

"I mean it, little bird."

You nodded hastily, not meeting his gaze since you were too ashamed of doubting him like that.

"Even if i'm not here. I'm not stupid. This is not it," repeating your words coldly "...this feels more like the start of something, don't you think?"

Silence.

Thick, unbearable, silence.

"I...F-feel...like that y-yes...I mean I...I.....I know w-what you mean..." You were trying so hard not to make a fool of yourself "I mean, I don't go around showing someone my pinterest boards just like that after sex--"

"Just what I've been thinkin' " the words left his mouth in an instant to that, making you turn even more red.

"R-right? Like...You are not just some one-night-stand to me, I know those pretty well and it's always the same. This is not..."

He nodded, his body growing real tense at this whole situation. He couldn't with this type of stuff, as much as he wanted to sometimes. It just wasn't in his system, he never learned how, he never cared about it much at some point. Now here you were.

"No need to name it" he said in a dull tone. You nodded quietly.

"Yeah...It is what it is and all I know is that it feels really, really good when you're around. And when you tell me that I am safe, i actually believe you, Simon. I can't remember when the last time was that I could believe a man telling me that."

His eyes shut at you whimpering it out like that, instant worry that you're gonna break in front of him again. So before it can happen, he already reaches out and pulls you into his arms. That he can do.

"From now on you can believe again." he muttered into your hair, your face squished into his strong, warm chest. This felt all too familiar by now.