in which billie gets admitted into a reform school to atone for her crimes, but is unexpectedly arriving right in the middle of a roaring gang rivalry - one that paints the entire school in blood.
"repeat after me, baby. jahseh, 'god said.' from t...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
—𝐉𝐀𝐇𝐒𝐄𝐇
monday, january 19th, 2018
i fought to keep my eyelids open, staring on as my friends laughed amongst each other and had fun. i wanted nothing more than to get out of this noisy cafeteria, but i knew that if i was alone, i would feel much worse.
physically, i felt drained. my eyes kept closing and i tried my hardest to fight sleep that would never come. my body ached with a dull buzz, slightly trembling. i imagined that my rapid heartbeat was what was making my body vibrate in such a way. the voices in my head were loud and intrusive, and i let them speak, because at the moment, i was too weak to stop them.
today was one of those days.
i had woken up feeling like this, and it was a struggle to get out of bed. i powered through it, though, and attended all of my classes. but my last class, the pe class that i switched into yesterday, i was definitely going to skip.
we were at lunch at the moment, and although my stomach ached for nourishment, i didn't have an appetite. i knew that if i consumed something, i wouldn't be able to keep it down. i hated feeling like this. sick, mentally and physically.
the others knew better than to ask me if i was okay. usually, i was the fearless leader, able to conquer anything. but on days like this, when i got deathly quiet, they knew that something was seriously wrong, and that pressing it would only make me feel worse.
i didn't know what would make me feel better. i didn't drink. smoking would make me feel like i couldn't handle anything without drugs. i didn't usually pop percs, not even for days like this, so that was out of the question. i briefly contemplated going back to sleep, but i quickly dismissed it, knowing that i'd have a harder time trying to fall asleep then i would trying to stay awake.
days like these, i wanted to die.
the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, forcing me to open my eyes. my instincts were almost never wrong, so i quickly surveyed the room to see what the incoming threat was. when i saw nothing, i was confused, but then my eyes landed on billie, who was strolling in with xyla.
the two were engaged in a passionate conversation. billie laughed loudly, tilting her head back and squeezing her eyes shut at something xyla said.
she wore a large white t-shirt and black cargo shorts, which seemed to be her uniform by now. she had dangly earrings shaped like swords hanging from her delicate ears, and a thick chain hugged her neck like a choker. a thin necklace rested on her collarbone, a charm shaped in a cross hanging from it.
