Junoon Aur Sukoon

Baggage

(Warning: this part contain mention of suicide)
Actually i wanted to show that this competition and academic pressure can have what kind of effect on a teenager mind, that's it.

Start

Hm: ji bilkul, so hum chahte hai ki aap apne bare me hume sab bataye mtlb sab, bachpan se lekr abhi tak, apka har rishta, har achievement, har darr, har choti badi baat apke bare me, hum apko janna chahte hai, plz aap batayengi" Hm said softly but with intensity in her voice.

Ks simply nodded which amused Hm as she was not expecting such subtle reaction from her so she asked, "apko naraz ya surprise nhi hui hamare gift se"

Ks shook her head in no then said, "hum bahut ache se jante hai ki aap hamare atit ke bare me janna chahti hai, aur humse puchna bhi chahti thi pr kisi wajah se nhi puchti thi isliye hume andaza tha iss baat ka aur sach kahe to hum bhi apko batana chahte hai, bahut samay baad koi mila jisse khul kr dil ki baat kr sakte hai aur hum baat krna chahte hai"

Hm tightened her grip around so they were apparently cuddling with each other and ks relaxed her body and rest her head on Hm chest and throwed her hand around Hm and continued,

"Ji to hum paida hue hai ek middle class indian family me jaha ladkiyon ko bojh hi mana jata tha, abhi ka pta nhi pr aaj se tees saal pehle zarur, aur hum bholenath ke shayad kuch zyada khas the, shayad isliye humare duniya me aate hi hamari maa duniya se chali gyi, hume nhi yaad hume bachpan me kis ne pala tha hn thode bade hue to chachi, badi maa, dadi kehte the ki humare pair asubh hai, sabse pehle aate hi apni maa ko kha gye aur phir unn logo pr bojh ban gye, uss bade se pariwar me agr koi ek insan humse pyar krta tha to wo the hamare babuji, unke bas me hota to wo hume sach me kisi rajkumari ki tarah rakhte pr uske liye unhe paise kamane the aur uske liye unhe kaam pe jana tha to wo hamara dhyan kaise rakhte aur wo bhi jante the ki unke garh wale hamare sath kaise vyavahar krte hai to unhone akhir kar faisla liya ki hume boarding school me daal de, maa ka pyar kbhi mila nhi aur koi hume pasand nhi krta tha bas ek babuji the aur unhone bhi apne aap se dur krdiya, hum nhi jana chahte the unse dur pr jana pada.

Waha boarding school me hume koi kuch nhi kehta tha, pr bachpan se taane sun sun kr hum apna aatm vishwash kho chuke the, kisi se zaldi baat nhi kr pate the, apne aap ko sabse chota samjhne lage the uu ka kehte hai, hn inferiority complex, bas chup chap bethe rehte hai class me bhi aur apne kamre me bhi, isse fayda ye tha ki hum parhai me bahut ache the aur nuksan ye ki pta hi nhi chala kb hum choti choti baato pr gussa hone lage, phir shayad ek din bholenath ko hum pr thodi daya aayi to unhone ek dost bheja,

ji hum aathwi(8th) kaksha(class) me the jab janvi aayi thi boarding school me, wo hamare bilkul viprit thi, hum jitna kam bolte wo utna zda, hum jitna akele rehte wo utna logo ke sath, hume jitna zda gussa aata usse utna hi kam, aur pta nhi uske mann me kya aaya class me ek hafte aane ke baad wo hamare sath bethne lagi, hum jaha jate hamare piche aa jati mtlb pura pareshan kr rakha tha (while talking about janvi a smile appeared on ks face), humne wajah puchi to bolti hai ki humse dosti krni hai, hume usse bas picha chhudana tha to humne haa kr diya, bas phir kya din ke 24 ghante kaan ke pass kachar kachar krti rehti thi, aur hum usse daante rehte the, pr sach to ye tha ki uski kachar kachar ki wajah se humare andar ka shor dab gya tha, wo vichar jo hume andar hi andar kha rhe the wo kam ho gye the, jiske liye hum uske hamesa sukr guzar the aur dhire dhire wo hamari pehli, aur sabse achi dost ban gyi, humne usse apne bare me sab kuch bata diya aur hum uspe itna depend ho gye ki sab kuch har choti badi baat usse batane lage, uumm...keh sakte hai wo andheri gufa me ek roshni ki kiran ki tarah thi hamare jeewan me, hume janane ke baad usne humse wada kiya tha ki wo kbhi hamara sath nhi chodegi, hamesa har kadam pr hamare sath khadi rahegi, aesa hi teen saal beet gye aur 10th ke exam khatam ho gye the, aur hume kuch mahino ki chhuti mili thi apne apne garh jane ki, hum kuch khas utsahit nhi the jane ke liye pr babuji se milna chahte the, janvi ko bhi apne garh jaana tha, phir hum dono apne apne garh chale gye, pr janvi kbhi wapas nhi aayi, hn chhutiya khatam ho gyi, 11th start ho gyi humne uska intezar kiya, pr wo nhi aayi, humne chupke se jakr PCO se call bhi kiya uss number jo usne hume diya jaane se pehle pr koi jawab nhi aaya, phir jab wo ek mahine tak nhi aayi to humne teacher se pucha aur unhone bataya ki wo ab nhi ayegi, usne school chhod diya, hamare pairo tale zameen khishk gyi, hn hum jante hai dost bante hai, dost dur jate hai pr tab kya kiya jaye jb wo insan ek akela apka dost ho, uss din ye to samjh gye the ki dard sirf pyar me nhi hota kbhi kbhi dosti bhi bahut dard de jati hai, khair hum kr bhi kya sakte the isliye apne aansu chupa kr room me aa gye, aur phir sab kuch waisa ho gya jaisa pehle tha hum akele rehne lage, na kisi se baat krte na koi mtlb rakhte bas ek sawal hamesa hamare mann me rehta ki wajah kya hogi, ki jaana tha to thik hai pr ek akhri baar mil to sakti thi, pr jawab koi nhi tha, apko pta hai jeewan me akele rehne ke bahut fayde hai pr kbhi kbhi jeewan me aesa mod aata hai jb apko apno ki jarurat hoti hai, ek kandhe ki zarurat hoti hai, aur wo parishtithi aur buri hoti hai jab aap ek teenage hote hai, apke dimag me itna sab kuch chal rha hota hai, uss waqt apko kisi aese insan ki zarurat hoti hai jo apko samjh sake aur jab aap uss samay akele hote ho to wo parishtithi jeewan bhar ke liye aap ke dimag pr ek chap chhod deti hai, aur wahi hamare sath hua, hn insan me ek badiya baat thi ki hum apne aap ke sath samay beetane lage aur isse hum dimagi roop se bahut majbut ban gye.