Junoon Aur Sukoon

Fears

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Hm pov

Sometimes i feel like if i didn't understood and loved her, i would have suspended her way before. Yeah the bhaukal queen karishma Singh. Patience and her, there can't be any relation possible between them, and as the senior i have to face all the consequences of her impatient behaviour from department. Okay, i love her a lot, her protectiveness, her possesiveness, her extreme love, everything but sometimes her impatience annoys the hell out of me. She doesn't thinks even before doing something neither about the outcome other will face nor about herself, her safety. She could have been shot yesterday by that famous robbery gang, that we are trying to chase from a week, if i hadn't reached there, because they were running and she just went and stood in front of them without any preparation. I wanted to tell her that we can make another plan, but does karishma Singh listen to anyone? No. And when she sees me furious, she makes the most innocent face anyone could have on earth, and then ofc i can't be mad at her. And technically we caught them ofc without her it will not be possible but the point is where the hell its written to not care about our own safety while performing our duty. And i am going to talk to her about that.

Anyways ammi is fine now, its been one week since that incident and Krishu by one excuse or another comes daily at my house, sometime to spend time with ammi, lie, and sometimes in the name of work and eventually ammi says to stay for night and she readily accepts that and then later at night sneak into my room to sleep cuddling me, ofc i don't mind, without trying to disturb me and she thinks i didn't knew about when she comes in night and gently hugs me and every morning at 5 she leaves the room only after pecking my forehead with so much love. Ahhhhhh i love her, she is the cutest.

Duty hours for today is over and we are heading back to my home because she want to discuss a case which i don't have any idea about. And she is driving with full concentration with a poker face, pretending she doesn't lied to me 5 minutes ago and i am staring at her right profile right now.

She is beautiful mann, her flawless smooth skin, sharp jawline, fair skin tone, big eyes, sharp nose, plump pink lips uhhuhh(fake cough), i realised i am practically drooling over her and she also sensed my gaze so she turned towards me and i turned my head to look outside the window, actually hiding my heat radiating embarrassed face. I am not seeing it but i can surely tell that she is having a smirk right now and i can't explain what kind of thoughts i get while seeing her, definitely not the holy ones.

But i am holding my self, one thing i realised since my birthday krishu is trying to be more close to me and more expressing too, she is hesitanting a little but i can say she is trying, i think in intoxication what i said this is because of that but this time i am the one who's holding back because i want that when we two share our most intimate moment, when we two will be each other's in every possible way there shouldn't be an ounce of fear, doubt or anything in her mind and also because i want to tell ammi too about our relation because i want to let krishu know that i am not a single percent ashamed of loving the person of same gender, loving her and i am always standing by her no matter what

But i am fearing too, i am fearing for ammi, she had a cardiac arrest before and the reason was me, i could have lost her, still recalling that sight fills my heart with fear and guilt, and i am still not able to forgive myself for that, and i am fearing if something like that happen again when she will get to know about us. I don't know what i will do if something like that happen because i am not in the position to lose anyone neither ammi nor krishu.

I didn't realised that tears were flowing through my cheek until i felt a hand on my shoulder. I saw my surroundings and we had reached home, i looked at krishu who was looking at me with concern and worried eyes.