april 2022.
i remember every moment of it
the day you and i first met
it was very random, out of no where
when you texted me about my car
asking if u can come over
after my shift you came over
curious about me
curious about who i am
and if my car can go lower
i laugh just seeing you amazed of my car
taking polaroid pictures of it
as if u have never seen anything like it at all
but i didn't think of anything
i assumed you wanted to be friends
but you texted me endlessly
asking me about myself
and what i do in life
i never felt this feeling before
the feeling of someone curious about me
it's been a while since i've been asked about myself
so what should i say?
and what should i feel?
is this even real?
for once my body was never mentioned
for once my looks were never shown
it was my personality
it was my heart
that made u wonder into my life
and made u want me more.
but i didn't know
maybe i did
but i was in denial
and i was afraid
that id open up my heart again
and watch it all shatter and fade away
maybe i didn't know what love is at first
maybe i didn't know how it feels to be loved
before we met,
my life was full of nothing but being used
and being known for my body
not for my heart,
not for good people like you
but my heart couldn't help it
my heart was slowly falling in love
but what can i do
as i'm just used to being used?
so i didn't know
i didn't know that i was falling in love
my heart couldn't handle it
knowing that he's the right man all along
but i ran from it
and i ran from you
even tho i can love you
i'm too in pain to love you
and i will hurt you
and as i ran,
i felt myself losing you
as god gave me that test
that test that made me question
whether i choose him or you
but i chose him
i chose easy
i chose the man who i was used to
the man who treated me like every other man did
i wasn't used to real love
and it's all on me
i wish i can turn back the time
and run back to you
so everything could be fine
but it's okay, because you found someone else
you can call mine,
and i'm happy for you
and i'm happy that you're fine.
i'm so sorry for not chosing love
i'm sorry for being blind
you were the one that got away in my life
and that's on me, and that's alright.
but i'm okay now, and i'm doing alright
maybe after all, the universe thought that we couldn't be right
right for each other
right in time
maybe i wasn't ready
and i was given another guy
to learn about the mistakes
to learn about who the wrong guy is
maybe it was my karma
for all the mistakes that i did
but i don't regret all of this
i don't regret choosing that guy
though u were the one that got away
i was the one who later learned how to get away from the wrong guy
my mind has finally opened
and saw what true love and what trauma bond is
now in the future
i'm more aware,
and i can finally see more
more than just my body
more than just my face
i know someone will truly love me
and that it will be okay
the one that got away
the one that i could've loved
the first one to learn who i really was
the first one to made me realize that i chose wrong
but i realize my worth now
and i'm in a better spot
i finally have someone who respects me
and love me
i'm overwhelmed with all the new love that i'm recieving
so i hope ur doing good
and i hope you're happy
i wish everything turns out right for you
and everything turns out right for me.
the one that got away
