July 13, 2020 12:45PM
I did it. I dropped out of college. Well, I wasn't in college actually I just enrolled and just got out of it all last minute lmao. When I did it, it felt like weight was lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time, I felt a little anxious. I kept asking myself, "What if your plans don't turn out the way they do?" And yes, obviously when I plan something there is always going to be a bump on the way, I just have to prepare myself for it. Although it seems scary right now, I know that this is a good decision for me. I need to find myself. I need to just have time to be me.
I'm already 18, and in 5 months I'll be 19. I'm basically going to turn 20 next year. I'm still a little kid. I'm almost an adult and I need to learn how to grow, but in order for me to do that I need to heal. I need to heal from all the pain that I've been through since the day I was first born. All the memories that I remember when I look back into my past are all traumatic memories. I've forgotten about some the happiest moments of my life. Most of them were when I was a little kid. When I think about my childhood days, all I can think about are the insecurities I grew up with. But deep down inside I was nothing but positive. I was a happy little kid, and I remember that by seeing all the videos and pictures of myself when I was little on Facebook. I've always wanted to delete my Facebook but the reason why I cant let go is because what if I forget those moments too? What if I completely forget all the happiness that was all around me when I was little?
I need to heal, and I will heal. I will become a stronger person. I'm going to try my best and get my passion back. I know I'm happy, and I know I love myself, but I know that there is more to that. There is more than me being happy or loving myself, I just need to find it, and I will. Once I will, I will be the best person I can ever be, and I'm going to have the best close friends I can ever have, and I'm going to have a happy husband and a good loving life. This gap year may be a set back to other people, but for me, it's one step forward to becoming the person that I really am. I will find myself. And once I do, I'm going to be everywhere. People won't forget me.
July 13, 2020 12:56PM
