I just wish someone cares. No one likes me anymore. But in all honesty, it's probably my fault because I got in the way of just trying to be alone and better myself mentally and physically, now that I thought I got better, no one wants me in their lives anymore. Is it because I "ghosted" them? Is it because I wasn't worth the wait anymore? Is it because they didn't want to deal with me being sad and trying to handle things on my own? I don't know. But whatever it is, I just wish it could go back to the way it was, when I was so happy, when we were so happy. Everything just turned around and now I feel like I'm a stranger to everybody.
I would do anything for anyone, but I've grown to realize that no one would do the same. It's not that I want someone to do something for me, but I just want someone who is always by my side and I am never their second or third or so on choice. I want to be someone's number 1, but I have to learn that I'll never be that. Never was never will be.
There are some things that I have not confessed, and I'm afraid if I do you will leave me again, and I don't want you to, I just got you back, I don't wanna loose you again. I do anything to be your number 1, because you were there for me when growing up and because you always loved me unconditionally.
But I'm afraid that no matter how much I've done, how much I sacrifice, I will always be the back up. But I got to get use to it, I mean, it's my last year of high school, I've been feeling this way since the beginning of freshmen year. A lot does happen in high school, my brother was right.
I just want a day when I don't have to pretend to be happy and I just want to let everything out. But it's my job to be happy and to not let people worry, so I have to pretend. I'll say it again. I wish someone cares for me, but it's my fault no one does, because it's my job to pretend to be happy and not let anyone worry.
I'm honestly still surprised I'm still here, I can survive a year, I'll be a better person, even though I'm lacking.
