After Solitude

Chapter 62

Zoey's POV

*Trigger Warning*

This chapter may trigger thoughts related to self harm. If you are sensitive to reading self harm afflictions, please do not read this chapter.

All of them, all of those innocent people...Brina...all dead.

I killed them all. Once again, I'm a murderer. Technically a serial killer!

Jett said that it was quick, that nobody suffered, but I keep getting nightmares of peoples confused faces. They all felt disoriented and scared over how odd they felt. Brina was scared, I saw the fear in her eyes as she looked at me.

A tear burns by chapped skin as it rolls down my cheek. I don't even wipe the tears away anymore, I've rubbed the skin under my eyes and my cheeks raw from wiping.

My parents, Brexley, Poppy, Brina, Desmond, all the other people in that arcade bar...all because of me.

At first I could feel my heart slowly sinking, everyday it got a little lower and it got a little harder to live. But now, my body just feels numb but my mind is in overdrive.

I haven't been able to do much, even showering is hard. Things I used to do everyday have now become a stressful chore. Brushing my teeth, showering, eating, walking around, if it's not laying in bed, it's too hard.

"Love? I'm coming in." Nik cautiously walks through the door with a toothbrush, a hairbrush, and a scrunchy.

I use all the strength I have to sit up and pay attention to him.

"I just want to help you. Can I do that, love?" He asks for permission.

I nod and allow him to stick the toothbrush in my mouth.

The muscles in my arm slowly move so I can brush my teeth, scrubbing my bottom row of teeth, then the top. The sting of the mint toothpaste doesn't burn like usual, the burn always made me feel clean.

Nik grabs the empty glass that was once full of water and gestures for me to spit in it.

Once I'm done, he lays my toothbrush on my nightstand and slides in my bed behind me.

"We're worried about you, love."

"I'm sorry." I numbly state.

He begins to brush the ends of my matted hair and slowly brush out the knots.

My hair is greasy and gross, but I don't care. I don't even care that Nik is touching it or combing his fingers through it.

This is probably so gross for him.

After Nik puts my hair into a sloppy bun, he holds me in his arms as we go downstairs. He said everyone misses me and that being in my room all the time isn't helping me. So... I guess I have to be downstairs now.

He sits me at the breakfast nook next to Jett as Wyatt sets a bowl of oatmeal in front of me.

I look at the oatmeal then the soft smile on his face. I don't want this food, I didn't ask for this.

They sit there with me for around ten minutes before they figure out that I'm in fact, not going to eat.

"We need you to eat, baby." Jett pushes the oatmeal closer to me.

"No." I bluntly refuse.

Before anyone has time to attempt to talk me into it, I leave the table and mope into the sunroom.