Fate's Game | Lo'ak Sully

Part 37 - Hate-Love

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Her feet slowed, her arms dropped to her sides. She felt her breath spasm, her throat swell. She felt paralyzed in her spot, not being able to behold his face by turning to look at it. Instead, she proceeded to look ahead, not having a choice but to listen to him.

"I hate you! I hate the way you act like nothing happened that night. I hate that I can't talk to you about it, either. I hate the fact you can't tell me the truth. You know why? Because I can see straight through you, Fay'tari." He seemed to have snapped. She could hear him approaching slowly behind her, though never getting too close.

He wasn't done.

"I hate that you're lying, that you're pretending. I hate the fact that I can't even so much as look you in the eyes without thinking about how much I care about you, knowing that I can't do shit about it! I hate it!" His voice broke. "I hated it when you left six years ago, I hated not being able to fight with you over nothing." Lo'ak forced himself to stop, picking his next words carefully, even though they were completely rushed.

"But most of all, I hate you for coming up with this stupid game!"

He cracked, his voice almost sounding as if he was crying. "Fuck!" He finally let out, beholding that she'd turned towards him by then.

She could see his face in its entirety. His eyes were brimmed with a light shine, his brows curled upwards and his mouth closed shut.

She didn't know what to do or say.

Because of the sight in front of her, she too felt a small sensation grow along her waterline, her vision blurring slightly soon after, telling her that she was tearing up just as he was.

"Go ahead, laugh at me!" Lo'ak yelled through silent cries, rubbing his eyes quickly to stop himself as quickly as he could.

"...I hate it, too." She whispered, provoking Lo'ak to quit his rubbing and stare in her direction, not having expected her to say anything but instead laugh at him. He wasn't sure what "it" was, almost piping up to ask however a shaky breath could be heard, sharp gasps pairing with it before she continued.

"I hate the fact that before, I thought sleeping in the same hut as you was a chore. But now—" She gasped once more as her tears finally began to drop. "—I hate that I can't sleep without you there." She sobbed, not being able to see straight due to the water that clouded her eyes.

Lo'ak only observed, his eyes clearing up because he was so involved in watching her. He stepped closer, not allowing himself to cross the line between them.

She hitched her breathing, "I hate how I'm acting, how I can't talk to you properly. I hate that I'm so determined to displease my Mother that I'm not listening to myself; To what I want..." She rubbed her eyes as Lo'ak did prior, pausing as she prepared to talk again. "I hate that I'm scared! I hate that I'm terrified of letting myself take what I want, because—" She faltered. "—because I'm petrified that she'll take it away again." With that, she looked at Lo'ak, her lips quivering as her eyes continued to overflow.

He said nothing, not sure what to do with himself and not being quick enough nor aware enough to make a decision, hypnotized.

"I hate that I can't tell you I'm sorry; I hate that I lie, that I'm so stubborn all the time. I hate what you make me say and do and... and feel! I hate it all!" She wailed into her words, causing Lo'ak to pace ever so slightly more forward.

"I hate that I regret coming up with this nonsensical game; That you agreed to it too! I hate that I can't bare to lose it under any circumstance; Be that because I'd lose my dignity but also because I'd lose you along with it. I hate it. I hate seeing you with someone else, and that I can't do shit about it!" She copied his words, her eyes closing tightly shut as her tears were becoming too much. "I hate you for making me feel things, it's annoying! They're always there! They never leave me and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it." Fay'tari rambles on, failing to notice how close Lo'ak had gotten as she spoke.

"I hate you for making me cry, too! I—" She struggled to come up with more to say, but shortly after finding her words. "—I hate you for making me weak, for making me panic and look like a fool, for making me trust you with my secrets and my thoughts. I hate that all I can ever think about is you, it's killing me, and-" She finally opened her eyes, revealing the boy's immediate presence before her, looking down directly at her with soft eyes.

She stared, her tears stopping for the time being as she was concentrating on him rather than her head. She mumbled on, "I hate...", trying to get her final words out. He slowly brought up his hand to her face, placing it towards the back of her jawline so that his fingers could reach her ears. They twitched at his touch, her tears completely stopping by that point.

"I hate that I..." Fay'tari could taste her words, slowly guiding them out through weak efforts. He inched closer, leaning down and making her struggle even more, his thumb caressing her cheek ever so faintly.

Through a hitched break in her breath and a small squeak in her voice, she finally said her long awaited piece. She tried to smile, though her emotions got the better of her. She peered up at him.

"...I hate that I love you." Her voice trembled.

Fay'tari couldn't tell, but Lo'ak's entire chest had seized up, a forceful beat repeated a million times over. All he could do was one thing; The exact thing he'd been wanting to do for far too long.

He delicately held her face in the palm of his hand, a rising desire filling him whole. He broke the connection he had from
her eyes, directly it lower that time. She knew what that look meant, she'd seen it before. She'd seen him do precisely the same thing that night on the island, remembering how she'd stopped him.

However this time it was different. This time, she had no intention of stopping him.

She allowed him to lean in and hold her tighter, feeling him move a braid from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She didn't care whether or not he could sense her desperation, as if he'd listen closely enough, her heart would've probably been able to tell him all he needed to know. Her eyes only left his to peek at his lips, him doing the same every so often.

But finally, the poison set in. Lo'ak couldn't hold off any longer, running his hand towards the back of her head as his lips met hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, lifting herself up with her feet a little to reach him. He pulled her in towards him by her waist, not wanting to allow her to leave by even an inch. It felt new, despite the fact it was more than anticipated.

Her feet grew tired, making her have to break away from the kiss, letting herself catch the breath she'd lost almost completely. He lingered, placing his forehead against hers and keeping his eyes closed, as did she.

Lo'ak removed the hand that was holding her cheek, making it connect to his other that was still around her waist, allowing him to hold her entirely. She didn't open her eyes to see it, though Lo'ak had a small and soft smile spread across his lips. He strengthened his grip, breathing in and out in relief.

He had a thought; Acting on it before really thinking.

"I'm don't know if I love you." He said suddenly, evoking an appropriate reaction from Fay'tari. She shot open her eyes with force, leaning away from him so that she could see what he looked like. When she discovered a smug look, she almost wanted to hit him.

"I think you should kiss me again so that I'm sure." He foolishly and successfully teased her, causing Fay'tari to start to smile too.

She began to laugh, only provoking Lo'ak to copy her. He held her still, even though she was swaying back and forth due to her laughter. He was content; They both were. More-so than they'd ever been before.

For the first time, they'd admitted what was on their minds.

For the first time in her lifetime, Fay'tari was shown love.

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