Losing You [A Benson and Bensler Fanfiction]

Four

What Olivia felt about Elliot was something she had never felt before. No man had made her feel so special and loved. Their connection had grown much deeper and intense, and Elliot knew he could make it through the hell he was experiencing at home as long as he got to be with Olivia in the end.

"Hi," Olivia smiled as she opened the door. Elliot stood in front of her with a bouquet of daisies and a bottle of red wine.

"Wow, Liv. I usually see you in your work clothes or pajamas... This dress fits you like a glove," Elliot spoke as he looked Olivia over. She was dressed in a new violet dress that complimented the parts of her body that Elliot just adored. He stepped into the apartment and quickly sat the flowers and wine down on Olivia's catch-all table. Once his hands were free, he reached out and caressed her hips and placed soft kisses on her glossed lips.

"So it was a good splurge?" Olivia asked, as her cheeks grew red. Elliot nodded and reached up to brush hair away from her neck.

"It looks amazing on you, baby... but everything looks great on you," Elliot grinned. He kissed her again before they moved towards the kitchen.

Elliot stopped in the doorway, his eyes wide in shock.

"Okay, so we need to just set the table and then open the wine."

"Liv, where are the takeout containers?" Elliot mused, as he looked at a few dirty fry pans in the sink. Olivia turned to him and smiled, her face glowing. She was incredibly proud of herself.

"I made dinner, El... I got off of work early and went to the store. Then I ordered a cookbook a few weeks ago, and it made me feel like I knew how to do at least a few things," Olivia replied.

"Are you trying to impress me?"

"Is it working?" Olivia giggled as she moved to Elliot. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his jaw gently.

"Totally."

///

The couple sat together in Olivia's room and finished the bottle of wine that Elliot had brought over. They discussed their days, and Olivia got updates on Elliot's kids. She hadn't seen them in months, and probably wouldn't see them until Elliot and Kathy get a divorce and they can officially be together.

"Every test she has taken has been negative," Elliot spoke with a sigh of relief. He was beyond thankful that Kathy hadn't gotten pregnant. The last thing he wanted was another reason to be forced to stay in a loveless marriage.

"Do you think something is wrong with her or you?" Olivia mused, as Elliot stroked Olivia's exposed knee.

"I do not know, honestly. Maybe it's just a sign we shouldn't have another child. I would yell that at Kathy, but she is determined to have another kid. Hopefully a boy," Elliot spoke with a roll of his eyes.

Olivia gave him a gentle smile before kissing him once again.

"Do you want kids?" Elliot asked, his eyes focused on the hem of Olivia's dress. 

"W-what?" Olivia asked, shocked. They had never discussed that far in advance before. 

"Do you want kids, Liv? Like adoption or possibly getting pregnant?" Elliot asked, his eyes finally lifting to look into Olivia's deep brown eyes.

"So you don't want a baby with Kathy, but are asking me that question?"

"Well, yeah. I don't want another reason to stay with Kathy, but I'd love to see what our baby would look like. Hopefully, it would be a little girl that is the spitting image of you. Maybe a little Stabler here and there," Elliot smiled softly. Olivia blushed a deep red and reached out to caress her boyfriend's cheek.

"If I were to get pregnant, you wouldn't be able to be around for our baby like you were for your kids with Kathy..." Olivia trailed off.

"Liv, I'd leave her sooner than I plan on leaving her. It's just so hard to figure out the perfect time since the twins are in high school now and Eli is a first grader," Elliot admitted softly. 

"Do you want to have a baby, or just keep this as clean of an affair as possible?" Olivia questioned. 

Elliot looked at Olivia for a moment before leaning close and kissing her. He grabbed his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans before opening it as he leaned back. Olivia eyed him in confusion and grew even more confused when Elliot grabbed a condom and tossed it across the living room.

"Does that answer your question?" He grinned. Olivia patted his leg and shook her head.

"No, I'm still fucking confused," Olivia admitted.

Elliot laughed softly before cupping her cheeks in his hands and smiling at her.

"Let's try to make a baby, Liv. Maybe we will have better luck than Kathy and I have."

///

Even though they planned on spending as much time together trying to have a baby, they both got busy and didn't see each other for a few weeks. Elliot was almost on lockdown when he wasn't at work since Kathy found a piece of Olivia's hair on one of Elliot's shirts and had a freak out. Any free time that Elliot had was spent with Kathy and the kids, even if his mind was always full of images of Olivia.

"Hey, you." A voice whispered. Olivia was sitting in the almost dark squadroom as she worked on some paperwork. It was a Friday and everyone else was at the bar, but Olivia was behind on most of her paperwork and couldn't join them.

Olivia lifted her eyes and looked at the visitor in shock.

"What are you doing here? You aren't supposed to step foot in here ever again. Your wife-"

"My wife is having dinner with Maureen and Kathleen tonight. My mother is watching Eli and keeping an ear out for the twins. I can't be here long, but I had to see you," Elliot replied. He quickly moved to Olivia's desk before pulling her to her feet.

He wrapped her in a tight embrace and clung to her for several long moments. After the time they spent apart, these few minutes had to be enjoyed to their full extent. Elliot leaned back after a few moments and looked into Olivia's eyes.

"El-"

"I just wanted to say that I love you and cannot wait until we can meet up again. I want to plan a big dinner and lots of love making afterwards, okay?"

"El, are you sure that you want to continue? Kathy found one of my hairs and freaked out. What will happen if she finds out I am pregnant or you smell a bit like my perfume?" Olivia asked.

"I am not losing you again, Olivia. Never."