Losing You [A Benson and Bensler Fanfiction]

Six

Kathy called Elliot and told him she and the kids would be out of town for longer than expected. Kathy's mother took a turn for the worse and was currently in the hospital. Elliot promised to visit the next weekend. He didn't want to give up what time he had with Olivia and their unborn baby.

"Why can't you call off again?" Elliot whined as Olivia got ready for work. She had already called off the day before, so she had to go back to work today. Elliot did too.

"Elliot, I'm going to have to use lots of my PTO time for appointments and anything else that might arise. Even though I'd love to stay home all day with you and make love to you once again, I can't. I'll come home tonight and we can pick up where we left off this morning," Olivia sighed softly. She sat her hairbrush down and turned to Elliot.

He looked her over for a moment before reaching out and caressing her cheeks. 

"You don't look good. Do you feel okay?" Elliot asked worriedly, his thumb moving across her flushed cheeks.

"Just a little sick to my stomach, El. I'll get some tea before heading out and be fine, I promise," Olivia said with a tired smile. She leaned in and pressed several soft kisses to Elliot's lips. 

"If you end up coming home, call me. I'll come home and take care of you all day."

"Thanks, El. I love you, but you gotta stay at work. Kathy will get suspicious if you call out another day or come home early."

"I don't think she'd notice right now, Liv. So-"

"Goodbye, Stabler. I'll see you tonight," Olivia smiled.

///

Olivia really didn't feel great by the time she arrived at the precinct. She had to lean against the large brick building for a while as she fought off her morning sickness. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Amanda asked worriedly. Olivia was still outside, but this time she was sitting on the sidewalk with a hand gripping tightly to her water bottle.

"I-i'm fine," Olivia mumbled. She took in another shaky breath before letting it out.

"You look super pale. Do you want me to take you home? Maybe-"

"I'm fine. I don't need to go home," Olivia snapped. She forced herself to her feet before swaying. Amanda's hands quickly went to her waist to stop her from falling. 

"Stop lying, Benson. You are clearly sick. You can barely stand on your own two feet." Amanda frowned. 

"Can you just take me upstairs? I'll wash my face and be fine."

"Sure," Amanda frowned.

Olivia leaned heavily on Amanda as they walked up the front steps and once they were in the elevator. As they got out on their floor, Olivia felt like her she was floating above her body. Everything felt blurry, and her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. She grabbed onto a bench near the elevator and held onto it tightly.

"Olivia?" Amanda asked, but Olivia could barely register her name being said. She turned slowly and saw Fin joining them.

"What's wrong with her? She doesn't look good at all," Fin spoke, as he reached a hand out to Olivia.

"I don't know. She won't respond to me."

It wasn't long before John and Cragen stood with them. Olivia still was confused and felt like throwing up. She could barely hear when Cragen called for an ambulance.

"Liv, let's sit you down. You need to sit down," John spoke, as he reached out and touched her arms. Olivia was forced to sit down, and once she was sitting, Amanda gently touched her shoulder.

"You're bleeding," she whispered.

///

Olivia didn't remember the ambulance ride to the hospital or what had happened at the precinct. She woke up in a recovery room, and Elliot was sitting beside her.

"El?" Olivia croaked out, as she weakly lifted her arm to grab Elliot's hand. He looked up at her and swallowed hard.

"It's good to see you awake," He breathed.

"What happened?" Olivia asked, her eyes never leaving Elliot's face. 

He avoided her gaze, especially since tears were freely flowing down his cheeks.

"Elliot-"

"Liv, you miscarried the baby. You started hemorrhaging and lost the baby. They had to take you into surgery to... clean everything out," Elliot breathed. He still wouldn't look at Olivia.

"Oh," Olivia breathed weakly. She dropped her hand and looked down at the bright white sheets that covered her body.

"Um, they said you should be fine. You may have some scarring, so there may not be anymore babies," Elliot frowned. He finally lifted his eyes to look at Olivia, but this time she avoided him.

Olivia took a shaky hand and smoothed a few wrinkles out of the sheet. She avoided the wrinkles around her midsection, because even if she hadn't started to swell at all, knowing that she lost her baby still broke her heart.

"I ruined my only chance at having a baby with you, El. There will never be another one, so there is no reason you need to stick around. Go be with Kathy and the kids... at least she could make you a father, since I can't do anything right," Olivia grumbled. She closed her eyes tightly and clenched her jaw. Olivia fought off a scream as sadness turned into pure anger.

"No-"

"Leave me alone! I fuck everything up, and that's why you had to leave SVU! If I wasn't such a fuck up, I'm sure I'd still be pregnant with our child! God, just leave me alone!" Olivia screamed. 

Elliot stood up quickly and moved from the room as a nurse entered. 

"Ms. Benson-"

"You should have let me bleed out!"