Losing You [A Benson and Bensler Fanfiction]

Twenty

The crew stood and watched as Elliot's casket was lowered slowly into the ground. Olivia was holding onto Amanda and Casey's hands as they saw Elliot's casket for the last time. Kathy and the kids stood up front and tears freely flowed down their cheeks, and Olivia felt the intense pain they felt. 

"Are you okay?" Casey whispered, as handfuls of dirt were dropped onto the lowered casket. Olivia turned to her friend and shrugged.

"No, not really. I want to be up there and saying the proper goodbye to him... but I can't because of Kathy," Olivia whispered back.

"When they leave, you can go over and say goodbye. They probably won't be here for too long, Kathy is just putting on a show," Casey replied, as she squeezed Olivia's hand tightly.

Casey was right. Kathy and the kids left not long after the groundskeepers started to clean up and bury Elliot's casket. Olivia looked around and hesitantly stepped away from her friends.

"Do you want us to come with you, or wait in the car?" Alex questioned. Olivia stopped and took a slow breath.

"Please wait in the car, I won't be long," Olivia replied.

Olivia slowly walked towards the hole, and took a slow breath before looking at the men that held shovels.

"Can I have a moment?" She mused.

"Of course, officer. We will be over there," The older one spoke with a gentle smile.

Olivia slowly lowered her swollen frame down onto the ground, before unbuttoning her jacket. She looked down as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"El, I can't believe you are gone... I miss you so much and wish you were here with me. I love you," Olivia croaked out.

Olivia leaned back slightly and closed her eyes as she felt her baby shift inside her belly. She opened her eyes and smiled softly.

"You probably know now since you are in heaven and looking down on me, but we are having a baby. I think it's a little girl, but I haven't gotten it confirmed yet. I miss you so much, and I know I'll miss you even more when I'm in labor and as our baby grows up... But she will always know how amazing you were," Olivia sniffled. She stood slowly and slipped her gloves off, before taking a handful of dirt and sprinkling it in the hole.

She turned and went to walk away, but saw Kathy instead. The blonde's face was red with anger, and she took a few steps towards Olivia, her hands balled up in fists at her side.

"Why are you here?" Kathy spat.

"We just buried Elliot. I wasn't going to just skip this," Olivia frowned. Kathy looked her over for a moment, before staring directly at Olivia's stomach. 

"You whore!" Kathy yelled.

"Please-"

"Is that Elliot's baby?! Did you have a fucking affair with him? Or did you fuck him after you found his bo-"

"You are absolutely disgusting for even asking that! God, Kathy!" Olivia spat.

"Okay, so is it his? Did you sleep with him even though he was married to me?!" Kathy yelled. Olivia could hear a car door open and slam as either the Stabler kids came to see what was happening, or Olivia's friends were coming in for backup.

"Yes, it's his. We were having an affair, but he was planning on leaving you. You were trying to control him!"

Kathy took another step towards Olivia, and Olivia stumbled a bit as she tried to maintain the distance between them. 

"We were trying for a baby!"

"One that he didn't want with you! God, he was more excited about me getting pregnant than the thought of having another kid with you!" Olivia spat.

Kathy took another step, and this time Olivia was backed up against the groundkeeper's van. She took a shaky breath and reached her hands out in front of her.

"That baby is a bastard, and you are a fucking slut. You probably used Elliot, or he slept with you because he pitied you! That child will never be recognized as a Stabler!" Kathy yelled, before slapping Olivia hard across the cheek.

Olivia gasped, as Alex and Amanda pulled Kathy back.

"I want you dead!" Kathy screamed. Olivia swallowed hard and quickly stepped away as Kathy continued to scream at her.

As Olivia stumbled back to the car, she saw Maureen and Kathleen standing there watching with tear streaked cheeks.

///

Olivia had cried so much after the burial, that she was sure that she was dehydrated. She had gotten back to the apartment and locked herself in her bedroom, unsure if she'd be able to face those waiting outside for her.

"Liv? Are you awake?" Casey asked, as she unlocked the door from the outside. Olivia didn't move as she stared at the wall.

"Olivia?" Alex asked. Olivia sniffled, before reaching up and wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Please go away."

"We can't just go away. What happened today was hard, and you need us," Casey replied, as she flipped on the overhead light.

Olivia slowly sat up and looked at her friends. After what Kathy said to her today, she wasn't sure she'd be able to move forward without help again. Help from the doctors back in Albany, yet she didn't want to go back and possibly face having to give her child to someone while she recovered.

"She called me a whore and a slut, and that my baby is a bastard. Let alone that she wants me dead... Even if Elliot was dead, at least I felt okay when Kathy didn't know. But now she does know, and so do the kids. My baby will never have any siblings, because she was the product of an affair," Olivia whimpered.