Losing You [A Benson and Bensler Fanfiction]

Eight

Elliot reached out and took Olivia's bag from her, along with the bottle of wine. He said nothing as he followed Olivia down the hall and to her door. Once inside, Olivia turned to look at him.

"Why are you here?" She questioned quietly.

"It's been awhile since I've seen you, and I wanted to check in with you... Make sure you were doing okay," Elliot replied. Olivia nodded slowly before grabbing the bottle of wine from Elliot and walking into the kitchen.

"I'm fine," she lied once again. All Olivia had been doing lately is lie about how she was. Lots of lies of being fine and not completely pissed off at the world and herself.

"Don't lie to me, Olivia. I know you better than anyone else, and I know you aren't fine."

Olivia opened the bottle of wine and tossed the cork away before taking a long swig straight from the bottle. Elliot felt his heart ache for the woman he loved. 

"Want some?" Olivia hiccuped, as she held the bottle out to Elliot. He took it and held it close.

"You will not drink away your pain, Olivia. Don't you remember that your mother was an alcoholic? She fell down stairs when she was wasted," Elliot frowned.

"I'd rather be drunk than sober. I'm a monster, and this is what I deserve."

Elliot shook his head and walked to the sink. He poured the wine down the drain as Olivia fought to stop him. 

"Stop!" She cried, as he shook the last few drops from the bottle.

"No, Olivia! We lost our baby, and it hurts so bad to think about that, let alone the fact you almost fucking died... but we can't be drinking until we are no longer angry," Elliot spoke. He grabbed Olivia's waist and forced her flush against his body.

"This is payback for being a whore," Olivia huffed, as she tried to fight the grip that Elliot had on her body. She still wasn't back to normal. Her legs felt weak sometimes, and she got dizzy every once in a while, so she wasn't close to being strong enough to pull from Elliot's grasp.

"You aren't a whore, Olivia. Alex told me-"

"You talked to Alex about me?!" Olivia yelled, as she finally squirmed from his grip.

Elliot followed Olivia out of the kitchen and to the livingroom.

"You wouldn't talk to me, so how else was I supposed to find out how you were? Anyway, this isn't payback from God for being together. First, you don't believe in all of that. Second, we are in love, and that baby was made for that love. Kathy and I are living a lie, so being with you is the most real I have been in my entire life. I get you think this is a punishment for sleeping with a married man, but it isn't! Something was wrong with the baby and your pregnancy, so it just happened. There was nothing anyone could do about it!" Elliot exclaimed.

Olivia turned to face him as tears poured down her cheeks.

"The only chance I had of being a mother went down the drain. There will never be another baby, Elliot Stabler. I'm thirty-seven and this whole pregnancy was probably some sick joke. So if you want another baby, go fuck your wife until she gets pregnant. Being here is a waste of your fucking time," Olivia hissed as she dragged shaky fingers across her tear-stained cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere, Olivia. You are stuck with me, baby," Elliot huffed.

///

Elliot walked out of the bathroom and picked up his boxers from the floor, and tossed them onto the pile of clothes near Olivia's bedroom door. He moved back to the bed and climbed into his side, before reaching out and pulling the sheet higher onto Olivia's bare body.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked softly, her eyes barely open. Elliot nodded and leaned closer to Olivia. He kissed her lips softly, before putting his hand under the sheet and ran his fingertips over her spine.

"I'm good."

"Are you sure-"

"I had to use the bathroom, love. That's all," Elliot replied gently. 

"Do you think you'll be in trouble when you go home tomorrow? What about the fact you are talking to my friend when you aren't supposed to talk to me at all?" Olivia asked, her eyes opening wider.

"I already got scolded for talking to Alex. Kathy got pissed off and made me sleep on the sofa. I used that time to scroll through the pictures of you I have hidden on my phone. So many naked pictures of you," Elliot grinned. Olivia blushed and pulled the sheet over her head. 

"You should probably delete those. You might get in a shit ton of trouble," Olivia breathed, once Elliot pulled the sheet back.

"Why? Maybe I'll finally be granted a divorce," Elliot smiled. He caressed Olivia's hair, before laying on his back and pulling Olivia close.

They laid in silence for a while before Elliot kissed Olivia's hair and proceeded to speak.

"I'm still praying that in the future, you and I end up having a baby together. Even if it's after we are in our forties and we adopt or foster. We will have a child together, and we will be amazing parents to that kid. I'm sorry that you won't be able to experience a pregnancy..." Elliot breathed.

Olivia looked up at him and nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry that you won't get to have a baby that looks like both of us," Olivia whispered.

"Don't apologize, Liv. Genetics don't matter to me. As long as you are its momma and I'm its daddy, I'll be happy. So happy."