Losing You [A Benson and Bensler Fanfiction]

Thirteen

TW: Discussions of self harm and suicidal topics

Kathy rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms.

"You know nothing about Elliot. He and I have been in love for over twenty-three years. In the end, he wanted to be with me more than anyone else! See, he even bought this necklace for me," Kathy spat, as she pulled a beautiful amethyst necklace from inside the collar of her shirt.

Olivia knew that the necklace she wore was not for her. It was Olivia's birthstone, and it was a gift to celebrate her promotion. Now it was being worn by an over dramatic widow.

"Kathy, you are a controlling bitch! If you hadn't gotten pregnant with Maureen, he never would have married your crazy ass!"

"Oh-"

"I found his fucking body, Kathy! I was the one to find him laying on the docks with bullet wounds in his chest and a puddle of blood around his body!" Olivia yelled.

Kathy's face grew red as she balled her hands into fists.

"Why were you there? Did you kill him?!" Kathy spat. Olivia laughed bitterly.

"I was there because we were still talking, even if you didn't want us to be talking! We had plans to meet up the night he was killed, but he didn't show up. So I got worried," Olivia replied. She didn't want to give away too much, because the relationship she had with Elliot was special. It was something that she wanted to keep as much to herself as possible.

"I pray you get hurt, Olivia. That you get so fucked up that no one can recognize you," Kathy growled. She gave Olivia a hard shove before stomping into the squadroom.

Olivia knew she couldn't stay in the hallway anymore, so she grabbed her bag and went running down the stairs. The moment she hit the frosty January air, a scream left her throat. It came from deep down, and there was nothing she could do to stop herself.

Eventually, she ran out of air and fell to her knees on the damp sidewalk.

Officers walked past, and one of them went and got Fin. He walked down and squatted down beside Olivia before drawing her into his arms.

"It's okay, baby girl. I have you."

///

Olivia didn't go back to the precinct. She didn't answer the phone when someone called to give her an update on Elliot's murder.

Weeks went by, and Olivia was pretty much bed bound. She got up a few times a day, but mostly slept all day. Casey, Alex, and eventually Amanda all took care of Olivia. And it was Amanda that had to take Olivia to the hospital when she tried to take her own life.

"What happened? Where is she?" Alex demanded, as she and Casey raced into the ER.

"She's in a trauma room. Alex, she tried to kill herself... She took the time where she was alone and tried to use it to end it," Amanda frowned, as she ran a hand over her tear-stained cheeks.

"Has she talked to either of you about planning this?" Casey asked, as she glanced between the blondes in front of her.

Both thought about it for a few moments before shaking their heads.

"No, she barely talks to me anymore. I always have to prod for any information. And I pretty much spoon feed her at this point," Alex sighed.

They moved to a bank of chairs in the waiting area, and all they could do was wait. Alex tried to figure out if she should contact Cragen and give him a warning, but she didn't know how he'd do, knowing he may lose another one of his detectives.

Hours went by before a doctor came to find them. He sank down on a small table in front of them before speaking.

"You brought her in just in time. We stopped the bleeding and pumped her stomach. She's currently sedated, but we will keep her for the near future."

"When can we see her?" Casey frowned.

"Only her emergency contacts can see her. So is Elliot Stabler or Odafin Tutuola here?" He questioned.

Alex closed her eyes tightly in an attempt to prevent tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"Elliot Stabler passed away... Uh, but I'll call Fin," Amanda frowned. She stood and walked away.

Before the doctor could leave, Alex reached her hand out and grabbed his arm. He turned to face her, exhaustion masking his expression.

"You aren't telling us something... I know you can't, but she doesn't have any family. Please, she'd want us to know."

The doctor looked down at her before sighing softly.

"Olivia is five weeks pregnant. It's early, and the stress that her body was put through today... she might lose the pregnancy. That is all I can tell you, and I could get in trouble for that."

Alex and Casey turned to look at each other with wide eyes.

"Do you think she was attacked or-"

"I think she and Elliot are having a baby..."

///

When Fin arrived, he got a full update on Olivia. There was paperwork to be signed, and when he was flipping through it, he stopped when he saw the same information that the girls had found out about.

"Mr. Tutuola?" An older nurse asked. She stopped in front of him after he raised his hand.

"Sorry, there is a lot to fill out on here. Did I miss my deadline?" He asked with a tired sigh.

"Oh, no, sir. But Olivia is awake. She is still out of it, but I think you should go see her."

Fin nodded quickly as he passed the clipboard to her. He wandered down the hall and slowly walked into Olivia's room.

"Hey, Liv," He breathed. She let her head roll to face him before she swallowed hard.

"I was hoping my birthday would go out with a bang," she slurred slightly. Fin shook his head and sank down beside her bed.

"You scared us, Liv."

"Yeah," Olivia replied plainly.

"We are going to get you help, I guess. They have a hospital here that will take you."

"I'd rather be with Elliot," Olivia whispered.

"Yeah, well, I think you want to be here."

"No, I don't."

"Not even for your baby?" Fin mused, as he kept his eyes down.

More of the sedation seemed to disappear, as she turned to look at Fin. She thought  she was hearing things, but when he met her eyes, she knew she hadn't.