𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴~ZhonglixFemReader

16~

I wake up sweating and gasping for a breath. For some type of relief to this pain in my chest. My nails dig into my sternum as I stare up at the ceiling. Finally calming down.

Memories are returning piece by piece. Each fragment makes me care for this life I have been forced to live less and less. I need answers. I need to do anything to get this ache to dissipate.

I wonder if I should leave.

No.

But I so badly crave it. I yearn for a reason. Why? I can not fathom. As an Archon I had purpose. I had power. Now? I have nothing. A few mortals who care for me? They're nothing.

I love them.

"SHUT UP!" I yell out at no one. No one is here. No one but myself. I'm weak. I'm disgusting. I'm nothing.

I'm human.

I can feel it under my skin. Crawling through my veins with each heart beat. Goosebumps plague my skin as each thought crosses my mind.

I have to leave. I must.

No. I can't leave my sister.

"She's not your sister." I mutter to myself. I do not know if I'm convincing myself or stating a fact.

All I know is I'm now holding what necessities I have in a bag.

They will forget about me. Just as I will them.

Especially Morax.

Fool. I am a fool. I want him so desperately. It hurts. It truly hurts. I don't know if it is because I am human or because it is supposed to feel this way.

I push it down. Far past my heart. Deep somewhere unreachable. Feelings have only caused me pain. Torture.

I walk over to my window seal. A memory from before I remembered who I was made it's way to the front of my mind.

The stars twinkled and the wind pulled at me as I pushed open the glass.

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to trust anyone. To have to depend on anyone. To let someone see the real me. I knew of only one person who would heed my request and not pry.

"Xiao." I called into the darkness, his name barely a whisper leaving my lips.

I waited a few moments and sighed. It was too hopeful. I turned to head towards the door.

A scraping noise startled me as I turned on my heal and called forth my spear. It appeared out of thin air, gold hues circling it as it took its shape.

A breath exhaled and my eyes adjusted.

Xiao was standing in front of me with my blade resting against his neck.

"So this is how you formally greet people." He rasped.

"I apologize." I retort while my spear disappears.

"What do you need?" He quickly asks. Straight to the point. Exactly as I hoped.

"A way out. Just out of Liyue Harbor. I need a place to lay low for a bit." He nods slightly at my request.

"I don't know much of human emotions, but you seem distressed." He seemed unsure of taking me. Maybe he was concerned that I was unwell or crazy for calling upon him in the middle of the night.

"I have thought it over. You're the only one that knows what it's like Adeptus." At my words he looks at me. Really looks at me. Not Y/n of Liyue. Murata a cursed being.

His eyes widen for only a split second before his invisible mask of emotion is put back in place.

"You are not the Y/n I once knew. I would never betray the Archon who named me. But you're not that worthless being he adored anymore." His words sting. Something I'm not used to feeling yet. But I nod.

"Let's go Y/n" and yet he still calls me by that name.

He outreaches his hand and I take it. Everything turns to black. The only think signaling me I haven't gone to hell is Xiaos cold hand ontop of mine.

In moments we appear infront of a mountain. It's beautiful and captivating. Colors of every sort are blinding my eyes.

I bite my bottom lip. Yes it's blinding, not beautiful or captivating. Captivating in the sort that I can't look away because it hurts.

A girl walks up to us. No an adepti? I can't quite tell. Her red horns are something to behold. I miss my own unhumanly features.

"Xiao have you come to train me?" She beams with a smile but I can see the tiredness in her eyes and the way her smile falters.

"Ah you believe me a Yaksha who slays demons a suitable mentor? I'm wasting my time." He says before he turns his back to us and disappears. A small black fog the only indication he was ever there. But it too gets pulled away but by the wind.

I turn towards her and she gives me an awkward smile.

"Oh I should explain. Well I don't know who you are but Xiao said he was taking me somewhere I could stay."  I could've explained it a bit more in detail.

"My names Ganyu and I've known Xiao for a long time. If he trusts you then so do I." She holds out her hand and when I hesitate she swiftly tucks it behind her back.

She resembles a nervous wreck on closer inspection.

"My names Y/n I'm not good with introductions." Why apologize? I did not know this Adepti. But this pain gods will it ever go away. It feels as if my hearts being set ablaze by every encounter with another being.

"No worries. I can show you to where I stay. It's not a human home.." she trails off. It bothers her but to what reason I don't know. Maybe if she knew I was knowledgeable about Adepti. Stop. I'm overthinking about needless things again.

Help her.

The Archons must be laughing at my predicament as I speak. I sigh before I tap her shoulder. She stops in her tracks and turns around.

"I know much of Adepti. Your home is most likely sufficient." I don't think that was what I meant to say.

"That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me thank you. You're a lot nicer than what it seemed. I'm sure that Rex Lapis would appreciate you trying so hard to make a new friend. If you would be my friend that is. Um-..."
Her words fade into the distance. They're far away. Everything is far away. But he's always there. Always waiting to be mentioned. Waiting for my reaction when another pair of lips say his name.

My heart throbs in my chest. It beats ferociously. I'm terrified that it will escape the confines of my chest. Of course she worships him. Of course he is her Archon she has chosen to serve.

Xiao you bastard.

"When I panic I tend to drink spring water." Her ridiculous notion pulls me from my thoughts. And before I have any time to process it I'm laughing.

Laughing.

My chest burns. It aches again but it's different. I can't stop. Tears form in the corner of my eyes. She smiles at me. And let's out a small chuckle.

That's when I notice.

My heart doesn't hurt anymore.