The Return To Istanbul

Chapter Sixteen

      Sanem wandered around the grounds of the cabin. Every inch of this place held a memory in her heart. The small table and chairs that they had sat around numerous times to share a meal looked a bit tattered and worn from the weather, but it still sat in the same spot. 

      The swinging lounger, where she had sat the first time she came to the hut with Can, was faded and dirty and it too displayed the effects of the weather from over the years. The memories were flooding through her mind like a torrential rain. 

      She wondered when Can had been here last. Had he come here in the last six years? From the looks of the outside; it didn't seem as if he had been here for quite some time. But.....she remembered the last time she was here.....She had came by taxi the next day after he told her she had broken his trust in her. She had called and texted him at least 50 times over that night, without a reply...So, she came to the cabin, hoping he was hiding out here.

      But Can had already booked a flight and left, without another word to her. She remembered the feeling she had over the next months, the hurt and pain of him leaving was unbearable at times, but she wouldn't give up......not for almost a year.

     The tears had rolled down her cheeks without her knowing it. She wondered how she could possibly have anymore tears to cry over Can Divit. She untied the scarf from around her shoulders and wiped the tears from her face with the corner of it. 

      "What am I doing here.....why do I keep reliving that time in my life."  She spoke loudly, as she stood in front of the cabin door. She covered her face with her hands, her heart just a broken as the day he left. 

      Out of nowhere, she heard a voice, " Then why don't you just leave. Why did you come at all."      She turned around quickly, expecting someone to be standing there, but she was all alone. The voice spoke again, " Yes it's me, your voice of reason....the one you never listen to, your inner voice." 

      Sanem was shocked as she waved her hand around in the air, " Go.....go, go away. What are you doing here. I don't want you here." She yelled out into the empty surroundings. 

      " I'm here because you are here. And you're still crying over a man that walked away from you. Didn't we know that was the way it would turn out.......The voice spoke. 

      She looked around, " You're right, why am I here. For once I agree with you." Sanem replied.       " Im going, but I don't want you to come with me." She spoke, shaking her finger at her inner voice.

      She took one last look around and then hurried down the steps to the car, her heart beating hard. She leaned her forehead against the steering wheel, This was a stupid thing to do....she thought as she tried to compose herself. "And now I'm hearing voices again....yes, this place is not good for me." she told herself.

      The day was slipping into evening by the time she got to the pier. She clearly was not in the mood to be around people, so she ordered take-out from the cafe and headed home. She parked in front of her door, feeling like every eye in the neighborhood was on her as she gathered her things together. She grabbed her bag and the sack from the cafe, and she looked around the car for her scarf.

      "What had happened to my scarf......she wondered, as she frantically rummaged through the car. She remembered taking it off at the cabin to wiped her face, but......did she leave it there, she thought, as the blood rushed through her body like a volcano ready to erupt. Her  first instinct was to go back there immediately and look for it. She felt herself begin to panic, What if someone finds it there......what if he finds it there.

       " No, he wouldn't find it there." She told herself, breathing in and out with force. " He hasn't been back there in year's, and besides the wind will probably blow it away somewhere anyway." She spoke with confidence, convinced there was nothing to worry about... 

      The quiet solitude of her childhood home made her a little uneasy. It gave her way to much time to think. That seemed to be all she had done since she arrived in Istanbul. She devoured the sandwich and salad, following it with a cup of tea. She hadn't had the tea from her mom's cupboard for several years, and it soothed every inch of her body. 

      She tidied up the kitchen and took her tea with her to her room. " Maybe a book before I go to sleep." she thought, as she reached for one of her favorite books. She tried to forget about the return of her inner voice but it just would not let her, as she recalled what it had told her. 

      She chuckled, as she remembered all the times that her voice of reason had spoke to her, and all the times she hadn't listened. " It seems like you should have learned by now, I'm not good at listening." She spoke out loud to the empty room. " And I probably never will be, just so you know." She added, as she sat upright in her bed.

      The book was hard to concentrate on, with all the other things going on in her mind. She also wondered why CeyCey hadn't call her back. She draped the book across her chest, thinking back to earlier and how strange he had acted when he first arrived at the hospital.

      She shrugged her shoulders, " But you know that your friend is strange. And you haven't been around him for so long. It's probably nothing." she spoke with reason. Maybe I should call him. He doesn't know that dad is better, that will make him happy..

      Sanem grabbed her phone and scrolled through to CeyCey's name and tapped on his number. " I hope it's not too late to call." she thought as she heard the first ring..

      CeyCey had stayed there with Can just as he had asked. Although they hadn't spoke to each other for almost a half hour, CeyCey sat with him on the patio looking it across the garden. He was glad that Can seemed to be out of questions for the time being. 

      Can shifted his eyes over, looking at CeyCey, " Thank you for staying here with me. I hope I didn't keep you from your plans." Can spoke calmly, giving him a slight smile. CeyCey nodded, .   " No, you didn't, but I probably should be going soon. But I am glad Mr. Aziz is doing better." 

       As glad as CeyCey was to see Can, he wished he hadn't come home. It was so hard to see him like this, so vulnerable and human. Can had always been something of a super hero to him over the many years that he had worked at the agency. 

     CeyCey stood to leave, "I have to go, but I will come to see you again before you leave. Do you know when you're leaving? He asked, trying not to sound as if he was rushing him away.

      " No I don't. It depends on dad. But I won't stay any longer than I have too." he spoke. " I will try and visit the agency tomorrow, just to say hello to everyone." 

      Just as he reached for Can to give him a hug, his phone rang. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.....the name... Sanem... lit-up brightly on his phone...

      Can stared at it.....then he looked at CeyCey. " Sanem is calling you. Aren't you going to answer it." Can murmured, his voice shaking. " Answer it CeyCey.....please...