The Return To Istanbul

Chapter Nineteen

      Can was still sitting there holding the brightly colored scarf in his hand, staring blankly into space. "What did this mean." he wondered. " Was it a sign of some sort. Was the universe trying to tell him something." 

      His phone vibrated in his pocket, startling him. He reached in a pulled out his phone, clearly not in he mood to talk to anyone, but Emre's name popped up on his phone. He answered quickly, " Hello, hello Emre, is there something wrong with dad?" he asked, feeling a panic set in.

      " Hi Can. No there's nothing wrong, I just talked to the hospital and they said dad is resting comfortably, so I came home to get some rest. Just wondered where you were, that's all." Emre replied. He waited a moment for a reply from Can, but he didn't hear anything, " Can where are you? He asked again.

      Can's head was still in this daydream of the scarf he held in his hand and that smell that was only hers, " Uhh, sorry Emre, what did you say? He asked, trying to clear his head. " Where are you?" He repeated a little louder and a bit more pronounced. 

      Can stuffed the scarf in his pocket as if he was trying to hide it, before he answered, " Ahh, I'm at the cabin. I thought I would check on it, and make sure everything was ok here. So, are you at home now?" He mumbled about nervously.

      Emre was shocked, " The cabin? I thought you were going to sell that place. You told me that when you were here a couple of years ago." his brother questioned him. Emre knew he wasn't about to sell that cabin, it had always meant too much to him. " Did you change your mind about it?" Emre asked.

      Can looked around the small one-room hut, " Yes, I guess I did." he spoke, sounding nostalgic.  " So you are home then. I'll be there soon. I just need to lockup." He told him. Can took a few more minutes to look around and feel the serenity of this place before turning off the lights and shutting the door. He would definitely come back there before he left Istanbul....

      The drive home was much more relaxing than the drive there. He had a slight smile of contentment on his face as he felt the scarf that was tucked away snuggly in his pocket. He wasn't sure how that scarf had just showed up at his cabin, but the fact that it was there and was carrying the same fragrance as Sanem......well it just couldn't be overlooked. 

      As he arrived home, he found Emre in the backyard with a drink in his hand. " Abi, you made it. Can I offer you a whiskey." He asked as he held up his glass in the air. Can quickly reached for the glass, " Thanks, I'll just have yours." He said with a smile. Emre threw his head back and laughed, " My god it's good to have you here. I have missed your abuse." He spoke, raising his hand in the air for a high five. 

      Can sat down, but Emre could tell he was preoccupied with something else, " Hey, are you ok. You seem worried about something. If it's dad, I don't think you have to worry to much. The doc said he is coming around very well." Emre assured him.

      " That's good. But no, I'm not worried about dad. He's a tough one. I just get to thinking about my life when I get in this city." Can muttered, in a very melancholy voice. " The worst and best times of my life have been here in Istanbul. I can't get my mind off of some of them, you know." He downed the rest of the whiskey that was left in the glass, but the burn from the alcohol wasn't as bad as the pain in his heart.

      " The strangest thing happened at the cabin." He started, hesitant to even tell his brother about the scarf,  but he felt as if he might explode if he didn't tell someone. " I don't even know why I went there, I was just there before I even realized it. But it was the most calming feeling when I stood in front of the door, I really can't explain it." His emotions were running through him like a tidal wave.

      Emre sat up on the edge of his chair, " What Abi, what happened. Had someone been there at the cabin. Did they break in and wreck the place or something." He questioned, alarmed at the way Can was talking.

      Can shook his head slowly, " No, it was just a feeling of comfort mixed with a feeling of disappointment. I can't describe the feeling, but.....that's not the only thing Emre." He spoke, as he took a deep breath. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the scarf, " This, I found this." He uttered, his voice almost undetectable. He cleared his throat before he continued, " It was wrapped around the leg of the chair, outside, by the fire pit." He explained. He looked at Emre, his eyes had already filled with tears as he handed the scarf to his brother.

      " What is this Can. It's just a scarf. What, why....why do you have it. Whose scarf is it." He asked, puzzled at Cans actions. Can shrugged his shoulders, " I'm not sure whose scarf it is, but it has the smell of Sanem's perfume saturated in it." His voice trembling as he spoke..

      Emre lifted the scarf to his nose and took a sniff, then he shoved the scarf back at Can, " Abi you have lost your mind. How do you know that's her perfume" he blurted out, annoyed at his brothers dependence on her smell.

      " I don't smell anything, it's just your imagination." He said, standing quickly. " You need another drink to get your head on straight." 

      Can held the scarf in his hand, " Emre I know her smell. I know that smell better than any other smell. And this scarf is filled with that perfume." He answered, fondling the scarf in his hands as if it was part of her. " I knew you wouldn't understand or believe me." he spoke as he stuffed the scarf back in his pocket.

      Emre closed his eyes and took a deep breath, " Can, you haven't seen her in almost 7 years, let alone smelled her perfume, so you can't be sure that this is her smell. You are making yourself believe it...that's all." 

      Can stood, "You're wrong, I do know that smell. I have never forgotten that smell." He spoke quietly. " I'm going to bed." He said heading to the door. He turned, peering at Emre, his eyes full of pain, " And don't you ever try to make me think I'm hallucinating about Sanem or her smell. She is and always will be a part of me. This scarf in my pocket is her's, it was at the cabin for a reason, and I intend to find out that reason." he spoke calmly and matter-of-fact.

      He walked down the hallway to his room. The reaction from Emre was not far from what he thought it would be, but he knew better. Once inside his room he pulled out the scarf again, anxious to feel the fabric in his hands. Yes, he would find out why this scarf had been at the cabin, and who left it there, if it was the last thing he ever did.

      His body ached from fatigue and all of his emotions. A hot shower was definitely what he needed, he thought, as he stripped off his clothes and headed to the shower.

      The hot water and steam felt good as they covered his tensed body. He braced himself against the shower wall.....reminiscing about the first time he had taken Sanem to the cabin......

      She was so fresh and new to him......he couldn't get enough. Why did things happen like they did?.....

      Why did he expect so much from people?.....And not so much from himself?..

Why did he still love her as much at that moment as he ever had before....