The Return To Istanbul

Chapter Twenty One

      " So, you are ready to go back to your life. Is that right Can?" Aziz asked. He could see how uneasy and how much he was hurting. " I have heard the conversation you had with Emre when you thought I was sleeping. How this place brings back to many memories of Sanem, how it hurts you to be here.....am I correct?" He spoke softly. 

      Can shook his head, " Dad I thought I could handle it, but at every turn I feel her. I know I've been back here before, even a couple of years ago, but this time is different. It feels as if she is here." He spoke as he paced back and forth beside his dads bed. "My mind has been flooded with the thought of her the minute I boarded the plane to come here. So I need to leave as soon as you're out of danger." 

      " You don't have to wait on me son, I am recovering. If you need to go....then go. But leaving Istanbul will not be your answer. I'm afraid you will be filled with those memories for the rest of your life." The elder Divit told him.

      Can looked at his dad as he tried to hide the pain that he was feeling. " Dad, I don't want to hurt you by leaving, but..."  Can stopped and looked away. " But I also don't want to hurt myself by staying." 

      " If you haven't forgot the feelings you had for her, or found anyone else that could replace those feelings in the almost 7 years you have been gone......then I don't think you will. The woman will always be with you."  He spoke.

      He looked sincerely at is dad, " That's just the thing dad, I don't thing I want to forget. But I'm not sure if I have forgiven her for what she did." He mumbled, more confused than ever..

      Aziz felt the battle that his son was fighting inside himself, " That's something you will need to find out. But running away from the memory of her and how much you still love her is not the answer. At some point you will need to face her, and when you do, you will know if you have forgiven her." He spoke, his words coming from the heart.

      " Now go if you have to, don't worry about me, I'm not going anywhere. This was not my time to leave." he said, giving him a smile. 

       Can was never indecisive with his plan in life. He had always known what he wanted to do and he did it, but this time he was hesitant. Maybe he was hoping that she would be there, maybe he wanted to see her, maybe he needed to see her. But was he ready for that.

      " Ok dad, I'll make my plans to return to my job in Thailand, but only if I'm sure you're going to make a full recovery." He told him, just as Emre walked in.

     " What's that, you're leaving. You just got here and was hoping you would help me at the agency for a while. I don't want you to go just yet." His brother said, patting him on the back.

      After a long discussion, Can convinced Emre that it would be better if he returned to his job in Thailand. " Emre you have been doing a great job at the agency, I don't see any reason for me to stay. Besides dad will be up and around soon and he can give you a hand." 

      So the decision was made, Can would leave. He hadn't really thought it all through yet, but he knew he had to put some distance between him and all the memories that this place held for him. 

      After the doctor made his visit later that morning and delivered the news that Aziz was making an amazing recovery, Can decided to start making his plans. First he wanted to visit the agency and have one final talk with CeyCey. He wasn't sure when he would be coming back to Istanbul so he wanted to spend some time with him.

      Then he wanted to make another trip to the cabin, yes....he was punishing himself he knew, but there was just something about that place that made him feel different. He had considered selling it some years back, but he immediately had a feeling of panic at the thought of it, so he quickly dismissed the idea.    

      The words from his dad was still talking to him as he headed to the agency to visit CeyCey. Maybe his dad was right, maybe seeing her face to face would be the only way for him to know. If he could see her, maybe even touch her, he would know if he had forgiven her. 

      "No.....I don't think I could. I don't know if I could see her."  he thought, squeezing his eyes close tightly to hold in the tears that burned his eyes. But that thought remained in his mind, refusing to leave. 

      Nihat didn't want to see Sanem leave again, but he also didn't like to see her in so much pain. If Istanbul was the place that caused her hurt and pain, then maybe she should go. " If you need to return to your home Sanem, then go. I'm getting stronger and I know I will recover. So go if you need to." Her dad told her as he patted her hand.

      " Maybe I will go soon. But only if the doctor says you're on the road to recovery." She smiled, but her heart was not so sure about the decision. 

      This trip home had been different. She felt as if she had walked back into her life as it was before. The feeling of love and suffering was just as strong as it was the first time she left Turkey. She wasn't over him, that was for sure, but staying here wouldn't make it better.

      The doctor's visit later that day brought good news. " It seems that your father is getting stronger and the medication is working nicely. If he continues like this for the next couple of days then I see no reason why he can't continue  his recovery at home." He reported, happy to give them the good news.

      This seemed the best time to tell her sister and her mom that she would be making her plans to return to San Cristobal Island, " So I'm thinking I will make my reservations to fly home. Dad is doing better now and I don't want to leave my house unattended for too long." She explained.

      Leila wasn't t happy about her decision, but she was breathing a sigh of relief. It was better for her sister to get out of Istanbul before she happened to run into Can. That thought had made her nervous from the minute she knew that Can Divit was in town.....and even in the same hospital as they were. 

      " So abla, when do you plan on leaving. Not that I'm anxious for you to go, but it is a long trip." She asked, hoping she planned to leave soon. " I'm not sure. I'll check the flights today and see what I can find. And I want to see CeyCey again before I leave." 

      And there was one more place she wanted to see again before she left Istanbul this time.....

      The Cabin......she wanted to see it one more time. Maybe she would find her scarf there too, she thought. But she would have to go there....just one last time....