The Return To Istanbul

Chapter Eighteen

      CeyCey waited until he was blocks away from Can's house before he thought about returning Sanems call. His stomach was tied in knots as he conjured up a perfect lie to tell her, explaining why he had declined her call. 

      His phone rang again before he had time to think. The caller ID read Sanem. He rubbed his forehead nervously, as he tapped the accepts button, " Sanem, hello. Sorry about declining your call, but I was in the middle of a heated conversation with Deren about why I needed to leave work early."  He blurted out with the first thing that came to mind.

     Sanem scoffed, " So Deren is still on her control frenzy. Can't tell you how glad I am that I don't have to put up with her anymore." She answered in a huff. " CeyCey, I need to talk to you. Can you come over? I know it's a bit late but I will make us some coffee and we can set in the garden and have a good talk.....please." 

      He had missed their talks so much over the years, so he accepted. " Ok, I'm in a taxi now, so I will be there soon." He replied, already dreading the conversation he knew she wanted to have. He knew she would ask more questions about Can, and he would have to tell his friend yet more lies, but telling her the truth, that Can was in Istanbul was something he wasn't ready to do..

      The thought of watching Sanem go through another heartbreak because of Can would be too much to handle. Can was as close to him as family, but he couldn't watch that happen again..

      Sanem jumped up and hurried downstairs. She rummaged through the kitchen, looking for a late night snack for her and her friend to nibble on while they got caught up on their lives. She found some fruit and some leftover cookies that her mother had made. She sat the table and waited for CeyCey to ring the bell.

      A text came in from Leila telling her that their dad was doing very well and they had high hopes that he would be out of danger very soon. Sanem smiled as she returned the message, "I'm so glad Abla. I will be there early in the morning. I'm waiting for CeyCey, we are going to visit." Send.......

      This day was turning out to be the best day she had had in a while. Being back here in Istanbul had its ups and downs, but she was glad she had come back, if it was even for a short time. 

      The bell rang and Sanem hurried to answer the door. " CeyCey come in." She spoke, pulling him inside the door and giving him a hug. " Come on, let's sit in the garden." She motioned for him to follow her. 

      They settled down at the table, with Sanem anxious to continue their conversation from earlier in the day. " So I know you don't want to talk about him......you know...Can." She mumbled softly. " But I can't leave here again without knowing the answers to my questions. I will be leaving soon, heading back to San Cristobal and I need to know some things." Sanem fidgeted in her chair, looking with pleading eyes at her friend.

      CeyCey sighed, " What Sanem. You already asked me about Can, and I told you what I know." He answered, feeling the heat fill his face. She nodded, " Yes you did. But earlier this evening I went to the cabin. You know the cabin that Can has in the mountains. And it felt so weird to be there. I felt like Can was so close." She spoke, her eyes getting that far away look.

      " You what? You went to his cabin. Oh my god Sanem, you have to get over this." CeyCey said shaking his head. She eyed him, squinting as she looked at him, " Why CeyCey, why do I need to get over it. Can is a part of me, a part of my life. He is someone that will always be inside me." She snipped back at him, completely annoyed with her friend.

      " Look Sanem, it's not healthy for you to still be so involved with these thoughts. Can left, he's gone, you have to accept that." He spoke, reaching out for her hand.

      He hated to lie to her more than anything in the world. But telling her the truth wasn't an option either. He couldn't or wouldn't go through the same scenario that they had gone through when Can left. The pain and hurt that he had to help her through was horrendous.

     Sanem held up her hand, " Ok, I know you don't get it, but just please answer a couple of questions for me and I promise I won't ask anything more of you." She pleaded.

      She took a deep breath, " Is there someone in Cans life. Is he involved with a woman"... she hesitated for a second before continuing....." Has he forgotten about me?" She asked as she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the worst possible answer.

      CeyCey's heart dropped as he watched her struggle with the mere thought of her question.        " Sanem my dear friend, why do you do this." He breathed heavily, dreading to give the answer.   " No, as far as I know there is no one in Cans life. I don't know if there has been, but if there were, it wasn't a serious relationship." He replied, telling her the truth as he knew it. 

      A slight childlike smile spread innocently across her face. She avoided looking into his eyes, "Are you quite sure about that CeyCey. I don't want you to just tell me what you think I want to hear. I want the truth." She spoke in a demanding voice.

      CeyCey nodded his head, " Yes Sanem I'm sure about it. Now are you going to calm down about him and let's have a visit." He asked, wanting nothing more than for this inquisition to be over.

      Samen looked at him sheepishly, " Well....one more question, and then I promise I'm done." She looked around the garden as if she thought someone may be listening to their conversation, " When was Can here in Istanbul last. How long has it been since you have seen him, did he look the same, did he seem happy." she asked, leaning over close to him and turning to her serious side as she asked the question.

      CeyCey threw his head back, " Oh my goodness Sanem, that's not one question that's four. Ok....Can was home a little over two years ago....hmm, for a few days, three I think. I guess he's happy....you never know with Can. He keeps his feelings all bottled up anyway."  He cleared his throat before continuing, " I didn't get to talk to him much, only a short visit when he came by the agency. And before you ask, No...he didn't ask me about you." He added as he watched her expression change.

      She looked away quickly trying to hide those tears that had formed in her eyes. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled. Ok, ok..... so he didn't even ask about me, she thought, forcing a smile. " I wouldn't think he would CeyCey. Can Divit holds a grudge like no one else I know." She uttered, as that strange feeling of losing him all over again slashed away at her heart.

        He knew that look on her face. He had told her something that she hadn't expected. He stood,   " Sanem I should go. Look....I know that hurt you, but just because he didn't ask me about you doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about you." He spoke softly as he reached for her hand.

      " Maybe it was too painful for him to ask, maybe he was hurting by just being here. You know Can, he covers up his feelings." 

       Sanem smiled and nodded, " Yes I do know Can.....CeyCey let's get together again before I leave, and I promise I will not ask anything else about Can.." She told him as she showed him to the door...

      The door was barely shut before her pent up tears rolled uncontrollably down her cheeks....

" That man can make me feel more like a fool than anyone else in the world." She mumbled through her tears......." Didn't I tell you that." Her inner  voice said loudly in her head..

       She looked around, " Ok, I got it.....you can leave me alone now." She said out loud, stomping up the stairs to her room.

      " Ok if that's the way you want it Can Divit....then that's the way it will be"....She thought as she wiped the tear from her face..