The Return To Istanbul

Chapter Twenty Four

      Can had packed what things he had brought with him and waited for Emre to get home. Emre had stopped off at the agency to grab some paperwork that needed his attention for a new client. 

      He had returned his truck to the storage garage, hoping that he wouldn't need to use it again. He would take a taxi to the cabin, possibly staying the night there. He needed time to decide if he wanted to sell it or not. 

      The thought of selling the cabin had always made him a little nauseous, and It did even then, but if he had planned not to return to Istanbul then there was no reason to keep it. After tonight he would know if he was making the right choice.

      Emre put up a lot of resistance, but in the end Can won out. " Emre, I need to stay at the cabin tonight, you know just to have some closure. That was our place. It meant just as much to her as it did to me. So I have to be there." Can explained, feeling the sadness of losing her all over again.

      Can assured him that he would come to the hospital to tell him and his dad his final goodbye the next day on his way to the airport. " I won't leave without saying goodbye, I promise." He told him as he got into the taxi.

      Emre felt as if he was always telling his brother goodbye. And it never got any easier as the years went by. But this time it seemed different, it seemed final, like maybe he would never come back.

      The taxi drove up the driveway, stopping at the steps leading to the cabin. It was a dark night, not very many stars twinkling about and the moon was shadowed over by the clouds that were floating across the sky. But it felt good to be there, as he stood in the darkness.

      He opened the double doors of the cabin and tossed his bag on the sofa. That familiar, but ever so slight smell of her perfume and the left over smoke from the fire pit soothed him like nothing else. He breathed it in deeply as he closed his eyes, envisioning the many times they had been there together.

      A fire was something he always had to have when he was there, so he went about filling the fire pit with wood. It didn't take long for the wood to ignite, the flames dancing about in the darkness, just like Sanem had danced around the first time he brought her here.

      He settled down next to the fire, letting the fire warm him. This was his home, not the house where Emre and his dad lived, not his childhood home that sat high on a hill overlooking Istanbul.....This place, this cabin was his home. 

      He couldn't imagine not having this small cabin. Even if he never came here again, he would know in his heart that this was his home, if and when he needed it. He took the scarf from his pocket, wondering who it belonged to how it had found its way to this cabin. Although it was larger than the bandana that he had kept of hers, and he believed there was no way that Sanem could have been the owner of this scarf,  he still had a strange attachment to it.

      Can remembered the night he had learned that Sanem had been working with his brother to destroy him and the agency, and how he sat here in this very spot burning each and every picture that he had taken of her. It was so vivid in his mind, but t seemed so trivially now. That was the most pain he had ever felt, but at the same time the most he had ever loved anyone before.

      No, he couldn't sell this place....he wouldn't sell this place. That was his decision. A slight smile crept across his face and he felt at peace, letting himself drift off  to sleep.

      Sanem was having a hard time falling asleep, her mind going over and over all the times that she had spent there in her room thinking about Can Divit. When she first went to work at the agency, all she wanted was to NOT think about him. How stupid and naive she had been to believe Mr. Emre.....to believe that Can was trying to destroy the agency. 

      After her trip to Agra with Can, she began to see a different man than what Emre was describing to her. He was kind and listened to her when she told him about her desire to be a writer. She wished it had been different, but it wasn't, bad things happened and now she was not the same person.

      She made her plans in her mind to take a taxi to the cabin the next morning, to say goodbye to that place that had been so important to her once and for all. 

      How much she wished their lives had turned out the way they planned. A friend of hers in Puerto Baquerizo Moreno had asked her once if she had thought about ever seeing Can again. At first the very conversation made her tingle with excitement, the thought of laying eyes on him, maybe even touching his hand or the feeling of surrounding his body with her arms. She had to admit, she had wondered about it, imagined it and even dreamed about it. 

      Then that same friend ask her if she was still in love with Can Divit. She remembered hesitating for a minute before answering......Yes, I do believe I am. And I do believe I always will be. He is my only love. She told her.....

      Sanem snuggled down in her bed, the thoughts of Can lingering in her mind, making her insides warm and tingly. No, that would never change....she did love him. She always would..

      Leila shook her gently, " Sanem....Sanem, wakeup. It's getting late, what time are you leaving." Her sister asked. Sanem opened her eyes and looked around almost in a confused state. " Oh, I forgot to set my alarm. What time is it?" She asked, swinging her legs off the side of the bed. " It's after 11:00. You will have to hurry to say goodbye to dad and get to the airport on time." 

      Sanem jumped up, " Why did you let me sleep so late." She yelled, grabbing the clothes she had laid out to wear that day and stomping off to the bathroom. 

     " I'm sorry abla. I'll make you some tea." She said as she headed down the hallway. Sanem was rushing about throwing her clothes on. She didn't have time to fix her hair, so she pulled it up in a bun on top of her head. She washed her face but decided to omit a full face if makeup, just the basics and a bit of lip gloss.

      The final touch, but by far the most important, was the perfume crème. She dipped her fingers into that jar of fluffy fragrance, rubbing it evenly between her fingers, emulsifying the smell of the wildflowers before she smoothed the crème gently over her neck and down her shoulders. She closed her eyes, let the smell drift about in the small bathroom, filling her senses with memories.

      For a few seconds she was transported back to years before, and the time she had given Can a gift of his own fragrance. That had been a magical moment and she remembered it as if it were happening all over again, her heart was pounding. Her breath shallow as she felt his warm breath on her face as he questioned her about that secret flower....the underground violet.....

      She looked around suddenly, blinking her eyes, trying to snap herself out of that trance. She tossed the jar of crème into her makeup bag and stuffed it inside her carryon bag. She took a couple of deep breaths before slipping the white Pyrex brand hoodie over her head. This hoodie had been a gift from Can and she couldn't imagine wearing anything else on that day. It made her feel closer to him when she had it on....

      What better outfit to wear to the cabin......the place where he had given the hoodie to her...

Now she would wear it there again.....the place she would say goodbye to him......