Alana's Scent

116

Janet

I watched her, doe-eyed as she walked slowly towards the water. Her camera was pointed up towards the trees but I knew if she got close enough, it would soon go to the reflection on the water. She was taken by the view and honestly, I couldn't blame her. When I had found this place months ago, it seemed like it helped me center in more ways than I can even articulate.

However, it mostly reminded me of the love of my life.

Listening to the sounds of the camera as she took multiple shots, soon her voice sounded softly into the still air. The rain softly falling on our heads as she did speak. "It's so peaceful out here."

"It always is. Rain, sun, even when it was freezing that one time. The lake froze up some and it was still so beautiful out here."

"Thank you for bringing me here baby. Especially on today of all days."

"Anytime my love, I just wanted to make sure you came somewhere peaceful because I knew your anxiety might have been climbing."

She chuckled. "It definitely was."

Our conversation ended for the moment being and I went back to observing her. She'd turned her attention to the reflection of the waters like I knew she would. I looked down at my Apple Watch, checking the time instinctively. It was rounding 8:30 in the morning and I knew soon people would be traveling up the path I'd driven to get us here.

This plan had taken me a while to get together. I needed the timing perfect for everything and the more I thought about how perfect I needed it to be, the more anxious and stressed I became. Truth was, yes, I was busy these past weeks but I'd left out some of the things I'd been busy with.

After having that conversation with my family and having them talk on about my girlfriend, it became more apparent to me that I had to take a leap of faith. Something that I hadn't thought about ever taking. Not even with past experiences and people. A few ago I realized that I had never even truly entertained the thought of long term relationships before Danielle walked into that office.

Talks after talks, many with my close family and of course Dani's, everyone began stating the same narrative and confirmed my thoughts. Sooner than later I would be deepening the levels of things with the woman that I loved so deeply... but what the talks didn't consist of was the anxiety of it all. I was so anxious that my hands began to sweat.

"Can we go out to eat tomorrow after the meet?"

"Of course. That was happening regardless." I answered her happy to have something pulling me away from my thoughts.

She smiled at me, for a moment, studying me before soon telling me. "You're nervous."

"I'm nervous?"

"Your fingers.. they kind of dig into your palms a bit when you're nervous about something. When you're anxious you bite your lip... so I know you aren't anxious. What's making you nervous?"

I chuckled, even though the way she'd analyzed and memorized me just how I had done her kind of threw me a bit. Soon, I tried to lie. "I'm not nervous."

Her face contoured into one of pure humor. "That was not the truth JJ and we both know it. Come on, tell me. What's got you nervous?"

"I can't really tell you that right now."

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Because?"

"Alana... because."

"My government?" She widened her eyes as she raised her arms up in surrender. "Okay, I'll leave it be, no need to throw the government out like that."

Rolling my eyes playfully, I soon took what I could get and mumbled. "Thank you."