After All, I'm Your Secret Admirer~!!

Ch50 - Here We Are!

A/N

this chapter has slightly described self harm! please be safe!! to skip the description, skip the paragraph that starts with "Just below where..."!! after that it will be referenced, but not described again!

also happy 50th chapter!! ^w^

END A/N

Paige jolts into reality. "Brandon!" he shouts, upset.

Brandon on the other hand has its face light up in joy. "Paige!" He pushes his chair up and stands. "Look, I'm s—"

"No you're not!" Paige cuts off angrily, pushing his own chair back as he stands too, slamming his hands on the table.

"What?" Brandon blinks, taken aback.

"You're not!" Paige yells again. "You just made Leaf agree to basically not exist around you!"

"And?" Brandon laughs a bit. "Isn't that great? The problem took care of itself! Now we can go back to being best friends again!" It walks over and tries to put a hand on Paige's shoulder, but he pulls back.

"No, it's not great!" he shouts, putting a hand to his chest. "Brandon, no matter what you do, Leaf is a part of me. You can't have me without them!"

"B-but..." Brandon frowns. "They weren't always here, right? And everything was fine before that! So if we just act like it's like that again, we can—"

"We can't!" Paige snaps. "Honestly, Brandon! Did you really think I would agree to something like that?" He holds himself tightly. "I'm not stupid, Brandon! I know being called Bad Brandon must've stung, but is it really so bad that it's worth all of this?"

Brandon gawks, shocked at Paige's outburst. "I—I..." it tries and fails. Then it shakes its head. "It's..." Brandon starts to hold itself now, looking off to the side with a pained expression. "It's... it did more than sting, Paige." It laughs. "It did a lot more than just sting."

Paige furrows his brows. "What do you mean?"

Brandon bites its lip and closes its eyes and sighs. "You can't freak out," it says wearily.

"Okay?" Paige frowns. What was happening?

Brandon sighs again and slips off his sweater. Underneath he wears a short sleeved t-shirt. At first, Paige is confused. What did taking its sweater off do?

And then, Brandon flips its arms outwards.

Paige gasps hard, eyes widening and starting to water. "Br-Brandon?" he asks, voice high and scared. "Wh—you... you didn't—"

"I did," Brandon huffs humorlessly.

Just below where its arms bend inwards are several small lines worth of raised skin on both arms. They look shallow, but they also look fairly new. There's other lines of similar lengths near the same spot as these ones, but they look pretty old.

"You know, it actually stops hurting after a minute," it says, self deprecating smile on its face. "And then that's when you gotta do another. So," it says blandly, "I'd say it did a little more than just stung."

"Brandon..." Paige whispers. "I-I'm... I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault, Paige," Brandon sighs, putting its sweater back on. "You would've never made me do this. It's all Leaf's fault." It scowls. "If they hadn't pulled that cheap trick, maybe we'd all be singing Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows right now, but they did, and now that's never gonna happen."

"But..." Paige sniffs. "I'm so sorry that you... I-I'm sorry. But, it's still not fair to any of us to make Leaf hide themself when we're around you."

"Explain," Brandon prompts, taking a seat again and gesturing for Paige to do the same. "'Cause I'm still not seeing how it's not the perfect solution."

Paige sits in front of Brandon, but doesn't look at it. "Brandon, you're my best friend," he starts, playing with his hands. "You're practically my brother. And I really don't want to lose you. But..." He looks up at it now. "Me and Leaf are a package deal. And if part of me is making you..." Paige gulps. "Making you do... that, then... Maybe we... shouldn't talk anymore."

"Paige, no!" Leaf gasps. "It's okay! I'm the one who offered to be quiet! Don't leave Brandon just because of me!"

"I'm not going to let it pretend like it's okay for it to just ignore you! The way I see it, you're me and I'm you, so it either has both of us or neither of us."

"Paige..." Brandon breathes. "Paige, no. I-I can't lose you." It grabs him by the arms tightly. "I can't lose you," it says desperately, shaking the other a bit. "I-I'm sorry, I—I don't—I'm sorry! I just—you can't leave me, okay!?"

Paige bites his lip. "I really don't want to," he repeats, "But if you can't accept both me and Leaf without it hurting you, then..." Paige sighs, tears starting to fall again. "I guess we can leave right now."

"I—Okay!" Brandon shouts. "Whatever you want! Just don't..." It falters, grip loosening. "Just don't leave me."

Paige's breath is uneven. "You have to mean it," he says weakly.

"I—I'll try, okay?" Brandon sighs heavily. "I... I'll try. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

+++

When Carmen enters the house again, she's greeted by the sleeping form of Brandon on one side of the couch and a texting Paige on the other. The TV is on, playing a random Pokemon episode and the both of them are sharing the creeper blanket they both loved.

"Oh thank goodness," Carmen sighs, putting a hand to her chest.

Paige looks up. "Oh, hi Aunt Carmen," he waves.

"Hello, mijo!" she smiles, coming over to kiss him on the forehead. "I'm so happy to see you and Brandon have patched up whatever spat you two were having!"

Paige looks away with a shaky smile. "Me too."

"Bwhh?" Brandon mumbles, stirring. "Wh't's goin' on...?"

"You fell asleep," Paige informs. "And I've been texting Sue and Bro in the meantime. And also, Aunt Carmen just got home."

"Oh..." Brandon rubs its eyes. "Hi Ma..."

"Hello, my sweet Branflakes!" Carmen beams, going over to kiss it on the forehead now. "Oh, I'm so happy."

"Happy?" Brandon blinks slowly, confused.

"For you two!" Carmen smiles. "Both of you were so sad! It hurt my little heart to see!" She walks past them now, into the kitchen. "I'm sure Quinnsie will be just as happy to hear the good news!"

Paige looks at Brandon, who looks back at him. He can tell that the two of them have the same realization at the same time, causing them both to frown.

"Our moms must've been so worried," Paige sighs.

"Yeah..." Brandon mumbles. "And you and me both know they don't need the stress. Ugh." Brandon bends over and scrubs at his hair. "This was so stupid. I'm so stupid."

"It was," Paige says with no hesitance. "But... it's over now, right?" Paige smiles hopefully. "We can learn and grow from this and stuff, right?"

Brandon takes a deep breath and smiles back a bit. "Yeah, man. I'm... I'm gonna try and do better, alright?"

"I trust you," Paige says honestly. "What do you say?" He holds up a fist, giving a small sly smile. "Bomb day tomorrow?"

Brandon stares for a moment, only for a grin to split across his face. It completes the brofist. "Bomb day tomorrow."