Evanescent Dreams

5. Heart flutter

That night at the library, Chen Siyun did indeed leave for the bathroom. 

However, Chen Siyun didn't leave because she wanted the bathroom. She only wanted to enjoy some alone time in the tranquility of the school hallways at night.

She walked straight for a few minutes, then intended turning left at a corner for the bathroom furthest away from the library.

"Whaa, why are you here? Who is Zhao playboy looking for outside the girls restroom~" A loud voice echoed from the corridor outside the bathroom.

Chen Siyun halted near the corner.

"Hey, stop-" The girl's voice came to a muffle as it was blocked.

"Shut up, Liu Gujing!" 

It's him.

Chen Siyun could recognize this euphonic, animate voice even if she was a mile away. If everyone in the world spoke at the same time, she would turn and recognize that voice before anyone else's. Even before her own. 

Chen Siyun could hear her pouncing heart. This was Zhao Zihai's voice.

Calm down, Chen Siyun. Calm down and walk.

Calm down, and walk.

"Okay, okay. Make it short, I'm busy."

"Make what short? Are you anticipating for something?" Zhao Zihai smiled. His eyes were glowing expectantly, and he looked affectionately at Liu Gujing.

Chen Siyun's whole body became stiff. She felt like the whole weight of her upper body was pressing down on her two feet, making it impossible for her to move forward.

"No, nothing at all. It's just, you seemed like you had something to say to me since yesterday."

Liu Gujing folded her arms. Her wavy hair was tied into a neat bun with a blue scrunchy.

Zhao Zihai wiped the sweat on his face. He was not nervous at all, but sweated profusely because he just came from a basketball game. He lifted Liu Gujing's schoolbag from the floor. 

"Why are you so smart? " Zhao Zihai's eyes were glued on the girl again.

Liu Gujing looked back, but didn't reply. 

"It's just, these days a lot of people are matching us again," he continued.

"Oh, yeah. Remember last time when we faked being a couple for a few days, how excited they became? That was so funny. What, you wanna try that again?" she teased. 

Zhao Zihai roared with laughter.

Chen Siyun's eyes darkened. She felt miserable. But even then, she could not stop her shaking heart. She had always turned away the second she heard that voice, but today, something about the atmosphere made her couldn't do so. 

Why do I have to listen to this. Siyun, what are you hoping for...when can you stop acting like this...when can you let go?

"Doing the same thing as last time is no fun, Gujing. How 'bout we try dating...for real."

Chen Siyun turned before listening to the reply. She clenched her school bag straps and walked back towards the library. Step by step, like crossing a marsh.

Maybe the marsh was herself. She stared at the stains on her uniform, the old socks that kept sliding down, the unfashionable sneakers. She felt the sting of every freckle, the sourness of her dark eye-lids, the weight of each pound of loose fat.

*bump*

Chen Siyun ran into another student standing next to the library doors.

Chen Siyun quickly took a step back, and adjusted her hair. She had a short and small body, and her hair made her look like toadette.