Evanescent Dreams

33. I Didn't Hate You

If instead of "I hate you", it was "I hate myself", would my whole childhood have took on a different path? 

---

"Let's goo. Let's go playy," Lin Xingren tugged on Huang Li's arm after they finished eating lunch together.

"Okay, okay. You sure love climbing that slide these days," Huang Li put away her tray. 

"It's all your fault, you know. It's cuz your class always ends so late for morning break, and I can't do anything but climb that slide."

"And then you fell in love with climbing it?" She laughed. 

Lin Xingren was ranting about her being "mistreated" by a "bossy girl who looks suspiciously at me" in her class for the the third time that lunch when Liu Gujing stopped walking along with them.

Lin Xingren subconsciously raised her brows high. 

"Um, I'm going to get a drink first," Liu Gujing formed a somewhat stiff smile. 

"I'll go with you," Huang Li turned to Lin Xingren. "You want one?"

Lin Xingren's heart dropped. She's leaving me behind again. With Liu Gujing. 

"Nah, Imma go to the slide first," Lin Xingren stomped away, zooming straight into the burning autumn sun. 

Her whole body took on the temperature of the heated noon air, causing the boiling hot red-colored slide only a bit warm to touch. 

The uniform dress stuck onto her sweaty back, and her whole face seemed to puff up when she saw that bossy girl who argued with her since last week.

"You're not supposed to climb that slide," the bossy girl crossed her arms. 

"Who says?" Lin Xingren ignored her and continued climbing. 

It's her again. Why is she so annoying. Can she just leave!!!

The bossy girl went up the ladder to the top of the slide. "The slide is only used for sliding. If you don't go down, I'm gonna slide over you."

The bossy girl started to inch down the slide. The slide was rough, so her skin and sneakers made a screeching sound every time she pushed forward. 

Lin Xingren didn't budge. Her eyes sharpened and the edges of her vision blurred. She used all her might to intensify her stare.

The bossy girl smirked at her. 

She's...looking down at me. 

I hate this. I hate this. I hate everything. 

Lin Xingren pushed the girl in front of her and they fell off the slide together.

Half of her face and dress was covered with dirt-like sand when she heard Huang Li's voice. 

"Xing-Xingren."

Huang Li stood there, shocked and frightened by the scene. She and Liu Gujing held each others' arms tightly. 

Lin Xingren crawled out of the sand pit and limped towards the two friends. Her hair was a mess, and both her pink bows disappeared. 

The disoriented little girl leaned in close to her buddy's ears and whispered. "I hate you."

---

"I'm sorry," Lin Xingren fidgeted the pink bow Huang Li had found after searching in the sand pit. 

Huang Li didn't reply. The two were sitting on a relatively empty space in the field, and their cheeks took on a rosy hue because of the suns rays. The rest of their friends were hiding and waiting for the two to come find them in a hide-and-seek game.