Evanescent Dreams

16. That's why she has no friends

The first year of high school, Lin Xingren and Chen Siyun were told to join a school club together.

"Look," the teacher waved from the window towards a group of students watering the plants in the school garden. "Look how much fun they are having."

The two girls were the only students left in the classroom as all other classmates had different activities during lunch brak. Their seats were far apart on opposite sides of the classroom and they have never talked to each other before. The teacher, however, assumed that all introverts belonged to an "introvert community".

 There is no such thing, we're all different from each other like the extroverted presenters. You just can't see it, teacher. It's called selection bias. 

After the teacher's series of gestures and suggestions, Lin Xingren and Chen Siyun realized that they were not being encouraged, but forced to join a club. 

Makes sense. I bet the the teacher wants lunch break, too, and perhaps some gardening. 

Chen Siyun had no preference, so Lin Xingren chose to go to the "Biology study group", because it seemed less chaotic and useful to find some inspiration for the diagrams she drew at home. 

The two stepped in the lab classroom where the study group was based and froze. 

Shoot! What the heck was I thinking? Of course people don't study in clubs! You live under a rock, Lin Xingren! Shoot, can I go home? 

No one was actually studying. There was a mess of snack wrappers and crumbled paper covered with dirty footmarks on the floor. There were no teacher, and people instead of books sat on the tables. 

Everyone was gossiping, and a few girls walked over to Lin Xingren and Chen Siyun. They examined the two up and down.

"Heyy, welcome to the study group," one girl smirked. 

She lowering her husky voice at Lin Xingren, "feel safe, no teacher gonna come to this room. Hahah!"

Lin Xingren winced. 

Why can they behave like that, but appear so normal? What is the key to it?

"I heard he goes out to date the PE teacher every lunch," the girl giggled, twisting her hair, and everyone snickered after her.

Why am I here. Goodness, if I were to lead the club...

Memories swarmed back. Lin Xingren remembered the long and passionate lectures she had given to her uninterested friends of the types of clubs she would one day create, how she would organize them, and how nice it would be for all of them to join with her. Writing club, Biology club, magazine club, Korean club...they were all ideas that could never be implemented again. They became merely dreams from the past that have completely collapsed. Dreams that became nothing more than haunting memories. 

"How do you feel about being in High School? " an upperclassmen approached Chen Siyun, "so much freedom, so exciting, isn't it? "

Chen Suyun fidgeted her fingers. The people around her were anticipating her response, but she really didn't have any. School was just school for her, and High School was nothing else than another load of courses and tests. School was merely a playground for the presenters.

"It's ok," she was barely audible.

They burst out in laughter.

"It's more than ok, Chen Siyun. It's awesome!"

The laughter was like the wail of chickens about to be slaughtered. It triggered something, and all the voices around her were suddenly amplified.

She heard the group of girls sitting on the windowsill bad-mouthing another girl. The girl had apparently cheated on her boyfriend and was rude to her peers.