Evanescent Dreams

36. Hate or Love

I was searching for an answer, then the answer of another question came. 

The day Lin Xingren got back to school after that night in the playground where she told her story, the first thing she thought of was to find Liu Gujing again. She had been running away from her since the first day Liu Gujing transferred to the same middle school she had transferred to, and she didn't want to run away from her anymore. 

When she arrived at the skybridge, however, Liu Gujing was not there. The person who had unexpectedly been waiting for her was Zhao Zihai. 

The most popular and attractive guy in the grade was eyeing her in a not so compassionate manner for her to come over. 

"She's at a club meeting," his voice was indifferent although it was apparent that he wanted to talk about Liu Gujing.

"Oh."

Silence ensued and Lin Xingren wondered why she was still there. Lin Xingen turned to leave. 

"I know what you're thinking about. You're so wrong about it that it's kinda funny," he suddenly called from behind. 

What I am thinking about? I don't even know what I'm thinking about? Who knows? I've only just started to learn about what I should think about. 

She subconsciously raised a brow and looked back with a doubtful expression. 

"You think she killed them, " he stared. 

"Who?" Lin Xingren knew who he meant but she was too bewildered. 

"Gujing. The poor girl you bullied in elementary school who I know you're suspicious of right now."

---

Zhao Zihai had heard bits from Liu Gujing about her past relationship with Lin Xingren and what Lin Xingren did in elementary school. He was concerned at first, but when he saw Lin Xingren when they were put in the same class, he thought that such an invisible girl would be of no harm to Liu Gujing. Until that night in the cinema. 

That night in the cinema, Zhao Zihai saw the messages a group chat sent to Chen Siyun. The group of people, including Lin Xingren, Ye Zhen, and Weng Bai, had sent some details of what they heard regarding a suicided sophomore, Xuan Miaomiao, and Xiao Yu. There was mentions of Liu Gujing. She was being suspected. 

---

Lin Xingren fell silent. He had gotten the facts wrong, but she felt it unnecessary to explain herself right now. There was more that she wanted to know. She felt guilty of wanting to know so much. 

"Gujing," he steered his wistful gaze to the school field and leaned forward on the bridge railing, "she has her reasons."

---

Liu Gujing and Zhao Zihai met on a hot summer day ten years ago. 

Zhao Zihai's mother was Liu Gujing's father's lawyer at that time and Zhao Zihai was invited to eat dinner at Liu Gujing's house. 

The house was a museum-like maze where even finding the bathroom could dizzy Zhao Zihai as a kid. That afternoon, Zhao Zihai accidentally mistaken a dim, stuffy room for the bathroom and stepped into Liu Gujing's bedroom. 

The curtains were drawn on one side of the room and on the other side amidst a pile of books  was a small, sweating girl. 

The face of Liu Gujing was red and the sweat was dripping down her chin like tears onto her "Handwriting book 2." 

Her fingers were dirty with grey pencil smudges and stiff from an afternoon of homework. She leaned her face closer to the book. She didn't want others to know. She would just take a minute...a second...of rest...