Shawn Mendes Imagines (ongoing) - on hold

Hate or Love?!

If you were to ask any "normal" person the question of hate or love, the answer would be Love, Right? Well not me. The emotion of Love just gives me the biggest ick, i could vomit, yeah sorry to ruin anyones appetite. Love and romance has never really worked out for me, for many reasons to be honest. They include; Men. thats it. Now there is a reason why this is the reason, it includes that men are annoying yet disgustingly handsome for no ones sake. Tell me I'm not the only one the agrees. Well lets get into this "interesting" story, to say the least. 

It was a casual Friday night, I was of course working and I so happen to have had a crush at the time. I know, I know, everyone says work crushes are the worst but to be honest mine is pretty fine. He was super tall, of course from a distance I'm thinking maybe 6'2-6'3, he also had brown hair, I know such a shocker. Okay but the big thing is, he is like super sweet. Like I have friends who are friends with him and they also say, "omg he actually the sweetest" "he is like a therapist to me" okay well tell me this. WHY is HE talking to the biggest bitch (excuse my language) at work?! enough about that, his name is Shawn, you could even tell by his name that he is super sweet. Kill me now! 

Well I'm a waiter and he is a bartender, Im causally serving a table and he so happens to be working as the bartender for the restaurant tonight, lucky me! so we both are serving, minding our own business... until this one table (table 7 to be exact) asks me (the waiter) for a new glass. like girl do I look like a bartender?! the answer is no. anyway so that meant I had to talk to him. Let me tell you, when I have a crush I do not communicate to the person because I get really shy (DONT TEASE ME IM SOCIALLY AWKWARD). So I thought I could ask another worker to ask him to bring the table the glass but of course im the only worker on the floor and he is the only bartender on the floor at that moment. Me being me I gave myself a pep talk before I went up to him and asked for a glass. the interaction was fine, it will forever be engraved in my mind. But after a while of me liking him and all the pain and doubt and emotions he put me through without him knowing i decided that i would much rather feel the emotion of hate than love. Love is messy, unorganised, biased, manipulative and so much more, hate it just hate and angry or sadness. what more could you want, right?! maybe i should call and book to see my therapist. But seeing him and seeing her and realising that he likes her, I knew i didnt have a chance, she is tall, skinny and bitchy. im almost the complete opposite, im tall - ish, curvy and sarcastic. But hate is just what i need right now with my "love life" which is on the verge of being non-existent. 

*cue kill bill by SZA* or my depression playlist 

but thats how my life has been, Shawn falling in love and me turning hateful to avoid pain (its actually working out pretty well) but i havent seen him in a while i wonder if he is okay, please dont tell me he quit.